My husband and I have been married for 1 year. When we got married he told me he wanted to be in a house for a year before we start trying for a baby. So we bought a house, and we've been in it for a year at the end of August. I went off of the pill last october (which we agreed on) but we haven't been trying to get pregnant. A couple weeks ago I asked my husband when he wanted to start trying because we've met his criteria. He told me he was getting closer to wanting a baby but he is affraid of being a bad father because both of his parents treated him badly and he had a horrible childood and doesn't want to be like them. I told him he would be a great father and I understand he is scared. Then all of a sudden acouple days ago I asked him again when he wanted to start trying and he said "stop asking me, I'll let you know when I'm ready." It wasn't in a nice tone and I'm wondering if he's letting his past stop him or if he's just making excuses because he doesn't kids. Help???
2007-08-04 05:48:44 · 14 answers · asked by Steven's Mommy 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oh I forgot to mention that my hubby is 36 years old and I'm 27!!!
2007-08-04 06:30:37 · update #1
He could be making excuses. And he could just be scared. Without any extra issues, a guy can be plenty scared to become a father. Just think about the major committment this is for him! He's thinking about how he is going to provide for the child and take care of it under normal circumstances. But if he is at all worried about being a good father, it's going to be so much worse for him. Perhaps you can find classes or counseling or books you can do together. I dunno, though. Lots of guys have a hard time taking advice, sometimes.
you might talk to him, let him know you are concerned, and that you just want to be clear. Let him know that you don't want to push him if he is struggling with this, but that you just want to know that he is still going to be able to uphold his end of the bargain as you upheld yours. Let him have time to think about it, if that is what he needs. But let him know that you're willing to help him find solutions if he needs them. It sounds like you just need to be supportive. But you never know unless you talk to him about it. If you are loving when you talk to him, he'll be more receptive. Nobody like a nag...lol! Especially if they are feeling touchy. So, be the loving person you are, and talk to him. Good luck!
2007-08-04 06:00:56 · answer #1 · answered by Gorgeous 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've got to side with your husband on this one - what's the big panic? Sometimes we women get into "must have baby" mode and it makes us a bit crazed. You sound like that.
Unless you are pushing 40, there is lots of time for you to have a baby so ease up a little. You two have only been married a year and he probably still wants to play around, make love all day, sleep in on the weekends, take off for a weekend somewhere, all that stuff.
When you have a baby, all that stuff goes right out the window.
If he feels less pressure from you, he will be able to see more clearly what he truly wants. Let him come to this on his own.
2007-08-04 12:57:51 · answer #2 · answered by banana6464 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry you need to quit asking. If you are having sex nothing is stopping you from having a baby. It could happen yes? Well, he has every right to be scared. If you all are around other kids comment on how nice he is to them how well he did with them. He knows you aren't on the pill so if it happens it happens. But, let him settle in to the idea. Yes, he knows you met his conditions and I am sure feels guilty cause you have and he isn't ready but, time is on your side here. you have only been married a year you have lots of time. Spend it with your hubby cause when kids come along you wont get that much.
2007-08-04 12:56:23 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think all parents to be will be scary to of how to take care of baby.
Me and my husband is about to be parents in few more months. i keep asking my husband will i be good mother. He keep telling me i would be.
Your husband maybe raise up different but if he did have bad childhood he would have good childhood with his kids and that he would do a lot of different then when his parents treat him. Being parents you do not wanted to make the mistake your parents make to you. Some people have good childhood and some have bad childhood while growing up.
I think your husband is just scary. He would be different kind of father then his own father.
So You should talk to him about it.
saying if he has bad childhood doesn't mean you would raise your child as your parents.
You would wanted to give everything for your child but not spoiled type or brat type.
You would wanted to give the best things to your child so that they know they having caring parents and that they are love.
Talk to your husband...
Every child grow up different and back then it was hard because most parents work and they do not have time or they yell at they kids when they make mistake. Just remember back then is different and now is different.
You can always send your husband to see doctor to talk about his past.
2007-08-04 13:01:53 · answer #4 · answered by babyg 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, remeber that he was treated bad in the past. now, i don't know if he's been getting in to details telling you about he's childhood. But it is a realy sensetive spot for boys/men when it comes to something like having kids and rasing them up, it's not a game and easy,but it is a gift that everybody appreceates =).How so,however, make sure that you two are having good and open comunication in your relationshipp,and be honest with eatchother.
Give him some more time to think about this, at the same time, let him aslo know that whatever it is,you will always be there and support him. But also let him know what you feel about that situation. Step by step.. no rush, okay ? Let me know what you think about that ?
2007-08-04 13:01:34 · answer #5 · answered by rebecka d 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I see him as feeling pressured and unsure. Deep down in his heart of course he wants a baby but it is clouded by concerns & anxiety. His sharp tone would be a prime example. Seek out a planned parenting group - they can help with fears a lot! He sounds like he wants to be the best father & isn't quite comfortable enough in his own skin yet to say 100% YES I AM SURE! For women our biology screams it for us! We are different then men & we have to have compassion when dealing with our partners which it seems like you have. Open up the lines of communication & ask open ended questions like "What is your worst fear?" & then remember to listen all the way through. Even if you don't understand - you don't have to - if he knows you support him regardless of your stand point it would help him to feel at ease.
Instead of asking him with words use your body language. Something like 78% of all of messages given are given via non-verbal messages. Have great sex! It's okay to feel fear & uncertainty...heck I feel that during my morning commute! As long as he wants nuture him through this. Make written plans if he wants to visulaize. Re-do a budget - read some parenting magazines. Talk to him about life - now - later - & even after that.
I wish you well.
2007-08-04 13:02:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is not ready! he is trying to tell you and all of the signs of feeling like a failure at it. Be careful don't jump and have the baby and then he leaves. Just wait and let it happen naturally when he feels a little more secure. Try to start letting him be around other people with children , babysit nieces and nephews , cousins something to getting him used to being around babies and kids. But don't rush into anything and regret in the end!
2007-08-04 12:55:05 · answer #7 · answered by Susan G 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think you are talking about my hubby...
It is a tough situation. I know how you feel. The only thing I know to do is to reassure him that he will be a good father and that EVERYONE is scared.
Goo luck and best wishes
2007-08-04 12:53:10 · answer #8 · answered by GA Peach 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your husband is probably afraid to start a family. He's thinking about all of the what ifs. What if this happen, what if that happens.
2007-08-04 13:02:22 · answer #9 · answered by cynthia r 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Guys just don't dwell on issues like that. What's the big deal to you about having a deadline? It makes him feel like a sperm donor.
2007-08-04 12:57:39 · answer #10 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋