Need some advice. I'm married (in my early 30's), and love my husband, but am not particularly sexually attracted to him anymore. I do have a healthy sex drive, but don't have much desire for my husband. Our sex life = practically non-existent.
Recently, a gorgeous co-worker has verbally expressed interest in getting together...and he knows I'm married. I am incredibly attracted to this guy (both physically & mentally).....and find myself fantasizing about being with him. I am so tempted. I have never cheated on my husband though.
What do I do? I'm too young to go without a sex life!
And how do I work on being attracted to my husband again? I love him....but, can't seem to get myself hot for him anymore. Is the marriage doomed?
2007-08-04 05:45:37 · 65 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Have you tried talking to your husband? Does he know you're not feeling as sexually fulfilled as you used to?
Try asking yourself what's changed between you and your husband, and then try and fix whatever has changed.
My advice would be don't cheat. Coming from a divorced family I've seen how much pain and trouble cheating causes for everyone involved.
2007-08-04 05:49:07 · answer #1 · answered by Celes 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you may have some work needed in your marriage, but an affair is NEVER the right way to deal with it. If you find that you just cannot take it anymore, and every attempt at fixing the relationship has not worked, then it could be that you two are no longer compatible. It would be best to at least seperate, before you decide to take on anyone else.
Do not disrespect yourself and your husband by having an affair. NO, no, NO, no. Plus the guy that you are having the affair with will not respect you. If you cheated in your marriage, why would your affairee believe that you would not cheat on him. It's a no win situation.
Work on the marriage
or
get out of the relationship
Hope things work out for the best of everyone.
2007-08-04 05:54:52 · answer #2 · answered by DONNA W 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Women are usually attracted to men who make them feel special, and desired. We like to feel like we have met our Knight and shining armor. So, when we are no longer emotionally conected to our significant other, we don't find them attractive. You obvisiously were attracted to him in the past, and the sex life must have been adequate at some point and/or you wouldn't have married him. If you want to try to save your marriage, then you need to sit him down and tell him what you need to feel emotionally connected to him. You need to bring the spice out of the kitchen into the bedroom. As crazy as it is, most women can go without sex for a long time, but once they start getting it again, they can't get enough of it. So, you need to focus your desires on your husband. You need to tell him what you need ..... even in the bedroom. If he doesn't change, then you know you've tried. Affairs... not the best idea. Am I innocent of being an anger? No, I had an affair and it t was great,and yes, I did ended up getting divorce, for different reasons. (he never knew) However, the affair took my attention away from my husband, and made me not want to work on the marriage. But, affairs are usually temorary, and don't fix any problems but make more problems. Get out, before you get into bed with a stranger. He may have more problems then you think. His morals aren't exactly the best. He knows you are married. You know what is right.. and or wrong. It's definately your chose. Use a condom, if you dip the pen in the company ink.
2007-08-04 06:47:21 · answer #3 · answered by junebug 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
May I remind you? "For better or worse".. Go back to the respectable friendship mode and build from there. Find common activities of interest and start spending more time together along with some type of counseling, sex therapy, self-help books on relationships, cds, dvds, etc. You are right, you do NOT have a healthy sex drive because you are married and your drive is for someone else. If you continue with this, your husband has a right to know. Give each of you a chance to fine tune and strengthen your marriage, before moving on with someone who basically just wants to have sex with you as his primary goal. If you are going to have an affair, you are really risking a lot. A lot of affairs end tragically, do you want to risk this?????? Do not be selfish and try to give your marriage a chance.
2007-08-04 05:58:02 · answer #4 · answered by Respuesta 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. If you are going to cheat don't cheat with your co worker. I did that and you want to talk about mistake! This guy was actually alot older so I thought he understood the rules of the game. This fool turned out to be crazy and for me to keep the secret at work I had to try to be cool with him long after i wanted the affair to end.
2. I am kinda glad I did hook up with the guy in a way because it reminded me how good I had it at home. This so called older dude, was driving around with expired tags (over 6 months old), then he never ever had any money because he didn't know what prioritized meant, then his house had a broken window in the house that could have been replaced with 25 dollars, well you guessed it the whole time we was talking he never fixed it, he also usually had no gas to get to work, and then if you say one thing he twisted it around to start an arguement. How the old folks would say it "He was two kinds of crazy" meaning he had split personalitys.
3. Another reason its a no no is the guilt you feel later, and trust me you will feel it.
4. You need to talk to your husband and tell him he ain't ringing your bell any more and if that don't work tell him you buying a vibrator!!!!
5. If you going to cheat, cheat with someone out of town and don't catch feelings for the person no matter what you do.
6. When all else fails PRAY!!
Hope this helps
2007-08-04 05:56:30 · answer #5 · answered by adkfoaiefnafedw 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can't put love and cheat in the same sentence. If you love your husband like you say you do then why would you want to cheat. Just think about the consaqunices if you did cheat and your hubby found out. What you need to do is spice up your love life with your husband. Go buy some really sexy costume and roll play in the bedroom. Your husband will LOVE IT and so will you. I am 28 and my husband is 30 we have been together 5 years and married for 3. We have an excellent sex life for the fact that we change it up all the time and make it exciting. Try doing it in different places, play sex games or buy sex books with different crazy positions in them. You just need some spice in your love life you don't need to cheat.
2007-08-11 05:05:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm not going to judge you....I'd say weigh the pros and cons honestly.
I personally DO NOT think cheating is OK- but that is a personal decision everyone makes. If you think your husband is a good and decent man, then perhaps talking to him -and going to a therapist, if necessary- could help you overcome this situation. Something is lacking in your marriage and that is why you are tempted with the idea of an affair....The thrill of the forbidden fruit is inviting- but is seldom lasts and it always makes you feel guilty. Counseling could help you see what it is you need and then you can see if you can fix things in the bedroom with your husband.
............................................................
Please understand that fantasies are OK- it's part of human nature... But acting on them is not!
An affair with a co-worker is an double NO-NO - (Remember the saying: "You don't piss where you eat?" If you do have an affair and it ends badly, you would be very uncomfortable if you had to see this guy, don't you think?)
Good luck and think this over carefully!
P.S. : How would YOU feel if your husband did this to you?
2007-08-04 08:42:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your first mistake is that it is with a co worker. Do you really want everyone were you work out to find out that you are sleeping with him. Don't feel all hurt when the rumors about you start going around and they start saying your a H*E. Not being mean but just staying real. Second of all if you are not physically attracted to your husband just tell him. I don't know why you would want to cheat on him you either want to be with him or you don't. You cant have your cake and eat it too. Think this over very carefully and I hope you make the right decision.
2007-08-04 06:47:43 · answer #8 · answered by MZ. Latina 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes, you are too young to go without a sex life. I'd suggest going to a counselor--by yourself--to see if you can find out why you're no longer attracted to your husband. It's fine to love somebody without feeling attracted to him/her--it's called friendship. But in a marriage? Not for people with healthy sex drives.
As for the affair, if you have one, one of three things will happen: (a) it will screw up your marriage even more than it's already screwed up, (b) it won't change your marriage at all, or (c) it will enhance your marriage (*sigh* here comes the cascade of thumbs-down, but it has been known to happen). More likely, (a) or (b) will occur. The problem is, you can't pick which outcome occurs before you begin the affair. So you have to ask yourself, do I want to deal with that uncertainty?
2007-08-04 06:06:54 · answer #9 · answered by grizzie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well this happens more than you know..but is the affair worth all the pain for just a small amount of sex..cause if you have the affair your marriage will just go down hill from there cause you will find more and more faults with it. best thing is forget the affair and work on getting back attracted to your husband...what is need is lots and lots of talking between you and him...then if it cant be worked out y'all need to divorce then you can go find someone else but when you do remember the new will soon wear off that sex life too..have your fantasies about him while you releave yourself sexually but don't ruin your marriage it can be worked out..good luck and if you need to talk more just send me a message..
2007-08-04 10:34:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is kind of the same situation I was in. I loved my ex but wasn't really attracted to him and I had an affair because I just couldn't stay away from the man who I now am with becuase I was totally attracted to him and we had a great sex life.
I could of stayed with my ex and been comfortable, since that was the only thing I lacked but I chose out. I do miss my ex a lot for a lot of the good stuff we had together, and I kind of regret what I did. so the choice is yours as far as making a wise choice just for sex with this new guy, is it going to be worth it? If your husband is good to you now, don't loose him and he don't deserve it either. Just work on your sex life with him and go out together, have like a night once a week you call a date night. fine dinner and drinks and maybe you will start to get those feelings for him, otherwise be honest with him as far as how you feel of what you don't feel about him.
2007-08-04 05:54:47 · answer #11 · answered by jojo 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋