Why is my husband incompetent? Am I crazy for getting irritated?

Question

Today he was taking our daughter to her first gymnastics class. Last night I drew out a map for him (I guess I should have given him the address and had him figure it out, but he never would think to do that), but he decided to go an alternate route which is twice as long and on a really busy road with a ton of stoplights. (Not to mention the fact that he was late getting out and took a super long shower and couldn't find his phone, etc.)

So anyway he calls me five minutes ago and he's lost, so they're going to be 15 mins late to a class that only is 30 mins long.

How do you teach someone common sense? I'm so irritated at him, because you think he'd be able to handle a simple task like find the gymnastics place. He has noooo common sense at all. Am I just b****y?

He's taking her to class because I wanted them to have some father-daughter time (I'm a stay at home mom). He was REALLY excited about doing it with her and looking forward to it. He's just ... dense.

And I'm not doing this behind his back. I said the exact same thing to him when he called, not to mention that he reads my YA profile.

But I don't know how to let it go that he can't handle a simple thing like getting her to class on time. He's extremely intelligent and quite successful at what he does (he develops software). I just don't know what's going on in his head that he can't do simple tasks like this time and time again. (And obviously this is something that happens all the time.)

My daughter is only two.

Answer 1

WHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Girl to me you are just having a problem whit your feelings.
Don't expect that everybody will be as perfect like you.

I just read you are staring in that moment in life that everything that your husband does is irritable.
Be careful because as you know this is a bad.
You life can start been very very annoying if you are just going to be mad at him.
Some people are like that and you cant change that only they can. Don't just go around him and look for what mistake he is doing next. Concentrate in your self, and let him figure things by him self.
Is really not his problem is your problem, because you are comfortable whit his ways.
Hope all is good.

Answer 2

Justice ... Hmmm ... I'm sure there are several ways to approach this and this may be the reason why you seem "stumped" about what to do, at the moment. You said you're Christian ... and maybe your husband is too? If you go to church or know a favorite preacher, how about you and your husband making an appointment with him to have a chat about this. If you don't dare to ask your husband or if he won't go for some reason, go alone and ask for some help about this. I suggest this approach because you've already told us your relationship's foundation is solid; no, you didn't use those words, but a solid love and sense of devotion came through loudly and clearly. Have I misunderstood? Like with myself, I got the impression that if you sat down with your husband to talk about this, any such discussion of this type might easily escalate to a disagreement or possibly an argument. I hope not. In fact, as I scanned your question again, although it's your husband who doesn't lead as much as you'd like, you also seem to blame yourself quite a bit for not having enough patience regarding this. Am I correct? If this is the case, then be sure to not feel too disappointed if your husband won't discuss this with you or he won't visit a preacher of your mutual choosing. Although I feel that both of you going would be better, maybe you shouldn't hesitate to go alone. If I may say so, I'm praying it all works out for you and your family. Thanks for the question and all the best to you, Justice. Take care.

Answer 3

I know EXACTLY how you feel. My Fiance is the same way. Some of the things he'll say to me or some of the things he'll do I'll just look at him like " are you serious?" And I just keep thinking to myself it's common sense - shouldn't you know this? Like when I ask him to go to the grocery store - he'll say "what do we need" I'm thinking don't you live in the same place as I do? Then you know what we need!!!! Or anytime we try to do an extra circular activity with our daughter he never ever ever ever freakin knows what to do - It's always me who has to plan stuff, to make the grocery list, to tell him when bills are due, to tell him not to spend money on an advertisement he heard that'll "make him money fast", etc.. etc... Sometimes I feel I am babysitting a 12 year old boy. I love my Fiance very much but sometimes it gets a little ridiculous.

Answer 4

Well, you certainly do like putting him down, don't you. Shame on you!!

"He was extremely excited to be doing this..." and all you can do is put him down. HE IS A GROWN MAN. Extremely intelligent you say. So stop trying to direct him like a stupid little boy!! Let him use that intelligence for himself. He will probably do a whole lot better once you stop nagging on his case.

A hint here, honey...if he tends to get lost (like a LOT of men do) give him a GPS system for his car as a gift. You say he develops software, so he should be quite willing to learn how to operate his new little toy. And if you get him the kind that gives directions along the way (get the one with the MALE voice) then he will no longer get lost, now will he?

Answer 5

sweetheart, first of all the reason we date for long periods of time is to try and get to know that person inside and out. Regardless of that people fall into situations when another mate is more dominant than the other. try role reversing. Do not be so quick to jump up and volunteer and take charge of every daily task. Let him step up to the plate and get off his lazy arss and become a responsible parent and partner. Any Moran can conceive a child it takes a loyal unselfish human being to become a parent or a life partner. My mom use to say you make your bed you lie in it. Oh No things must change for the better or your patience will wear thin with his selfishness and incompetence. Tell him to snap out of it and step up to the plate, start being a Man and take a Little of the load and initiative.
Good Luck and God Bless

Answer 6

Do you never make a mistake? Have you never got lost?

Maybe you are obsessive compulsive. Or maybe you have Asberger's. Or you are a control freak of some sort. Anyway, you might want to seek professional help. Seems apparent you have an anger problem.

That last word is vulgar and explains nothing about you. Maybe this is your time of the month? Or maybe the problem is elsewhere, and you have to figure out what it really is. You are not satisfied with him in bed? He does not make enough money?

You seem to love the idea of having a daughter become a success then of actually loving your daughter, or your husband for that matter. Is your child gifted? Or just bright? Are they trophy children? Was your husband a trophy husband?

Maybe you are just tired of your husband, and would like to take on a lover, or divorce him.

You may learn what is the real problem. I wish you the best of luck. I also pray for all of your family.

Answer 7

As we grow and mature in our relationships, personality quirks that seemed cute or endearing at one time cause us grief and annoyance. The best way you can deal with this is not trying to change the person, but change the way you react to their actions. Trying to change someone is usually futile and only makes the issue at hand more complex.

You understand how his mind works. Take precautions in light of that. Help him prepare or stress before hand that it's important that he be somewhere on time and ask him what you can do to help him.

All people have their strong points and weak points. If you look at the bigger picture, I'm sure you will see a lot of his stronger assets or you would not have stayed married to him. Concentrating on the positive in your relationship would do your soul, and your husbands, more good than dwelling on the negatives.

Answer 8

I would try to be irritated ONLY if he is not bothered by his actions. It is possible he feels as annoyed with himself as you feel with him. I know I get mad at myself when I do dumb things like that too. I spent the majority of the last year and a half uncontent....wanting more than what I had. In the process of that, I almost lost everything I did have. I am now trying to be content with things the way they are now. It took me months to get back what I had lost in the process, but now I am almost there. My advice to you would be grateful if your husband sees the error in his ways and makes a commitment to get her to gymnastics on time (or early) from now on.

Answer 9

Incompetent is the word that comes to mind. Next time have him leave 2 hours early or run her yourself as it doesn't look as if this guy is on any quick road to recovery.

Answer 10

The real question is - why does this make you so mad?

People are late for things all the time, people get lost and go unprepared to things all the time. So why does it bug you THIS TIME? What's happening in your relationship with your husband? Is he like this always? Has it annoyed you before? If not, what's changed.