do you like these poems?

Question

1.
should i die tonight,
or live to tomorrow
should i grave the gun and end the sorrow
or grave the bottle and drown my sorrow
2.
Deep down inside me this a dark thing that wants to break free. It has it grasp over
over me it makes me feel like life is'nt worth it all. Like death is the way out.I try
to fight it but its taking over.It's making me hurt my self and people around me.
It wants blood it needs a life.It's going to be the end of me the end of my life.I
could feel it i could feel its plan .It plans to drive me crazy it plans to take me
over. It plan's destroy all that i have all that i love .I know how to end it tring to
hurting other peole . The only way is having to end me. It's the only way to stop the pain
that it would make me cause
3.
do you ever feel like dieing
dou you not like trying
do you like shying away
well just take a bottle
and lie asleep
4.
the darkness inside me flows free
thought my pours
thought my mouth
thought my eyes
what am i
the anti-Christ
spawn of Satan
the feeling make
me wonder can i be saved
i know god exists
because i exist
my father exists
but am i doomed
or can i be saved
from eternal damnation
5.
t started when i left
i got a taste
felt like the best
i was high
now im dieing be cause of it
its all gone
the money ran out
the drugs ran out
and here i am now
without a fix
6.
line after line
im more confused
living in a dump with you
dieing inside
line after line im with you
dieing with you
hiding with you
line after line
living in hell
line after line
now your gone
line after line
all alone
dieing alone
line after line

Answer 1

They are dark, but there is definitely room for that. Yes, I like them. And remember: reality is best seen through a hazy window of pain-stained glass.

Answer 2

Well, do I think you could possibly have a future in poetry? Maybe, if you really liked it. Your second one is just like reading the facts of how you feel... not really a poem per say. All your poems say that drugs are killing you. If you feel you have a monster inside that plans to kill you it is likely stemming from your drug use. (I am assuming you really do b/c A. poetry should always and usually does come from what u know. Not to mention, you do seem to know it because ou describe the feelings extremely well in some of them. :}) I used to do them myself. I've had my bout's with the "line" types and the pills and the smokeables. Lemme say darlin if they make you feel this way one or more of them needs to be stopped. (If you can't commit to quitting every drug just commit to the ones driving you insane..literally. Don't die for the drugs.) If you control you and your habit ...that is one thing. If the drugs are controlling you its way past time to get out. You can find help. There are places where you can go and no one has to know a damn thing. You can lean on your friends. You can stand on your own two feet. You have to quit when they make you stop being you and you would sell your own mother and child for 'em. Ya know? Don't let the drugs control you. If they hinder you, its time.
Just remember if you want to, you can AND If your poems are correct, you want to.
Good luck. :)

Losing Me

I've melted in my bed.
Feel the pain.
Sit with it,
And let it teach me what it knows.
Hurt my beloved,
And make me better.
That doesn't make much sense,
Because it makes me worse.
Lie here,
To not cause them so much pain.
Try and seperate myself from this life,
But that would just make me dead.
In my head it won't end.
If only I could just bend,
But its harder than it seems.
Or, maybe, its just painted that way.
So I turn it inside out,
But its all the same.
Its all my fault that its this way.
Or was it supposed to happen all along?
I should stop this,
But who is to say its wrong?
Maybe its right,
And only a few understand it.
Isn't it possible...
That the colors are all wrong,
But we weren't made to see it?
Were we supposed to learn to sense it,
Or, have I just turned it all upside down?
I've molded myself from blankets,
So I can leave my bed sometime.
In my head it won't end,
So I don't know if I'll fall back down.
I could be insane,
But maybe I'm just right.
If only I could get up,
And feel what I'm feeling.

Answer 3

Do I like your poems. No. Sorry, but they are not very good. They are dark, but that's not good enough. Your word usage is poor, "thought my mouth"...did you mean "throughout"? the lines as sloppy, the spelling is not very good, and most of them read like a shopping list. I'm sorry, I understand that you may be in pain, that you may have issues with drugs, but if you want honest criticism, you have to be ready to hear that your poems are not very good.

On the flip side, you obviously have passion and a will to express yourself. That is a good thing, but you need to focus...FOCUS! snap out of it! Stop talking about dying and trying and crying...you're not alone in your pain, but you'll be alone if all you want to do is wallow in it. If you want to write poems that allow you to vent your angst, great! Poetry is a good outlet for pent up rage. But consider others when you post. Do you have something to say? Are you conveying some truth? Or are you just telling us how messed up you are and how much you want to kill yourself? If it's the latter, then call 911 or a shrink. If you have something to say, we're listening...but write your "something" about "something" we "all" care about. We don't know you well enough to automatically feel your pain...you can't "tell" us you're in pain, you have to "show" us why you're in pain...you have to use poetry's words and forms to paint us a picture of how you feel and why...or if you don't know the "why", at least "how" you feel so that we can "see" it. Saying "I'm feeling sad, my life sucks and I want to die and I think that I might kill myself" doesn't cut it. Sorry, that's not poetry.

You probably have the heart of a poet, but you need to focus your energy on writing...not whining. So, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, take off the mascara and goth makeup and start writing like a full-on human who understands that no matter how much life sucks, it's always better than the other option.

and keep writing!

Answer 4

I think these poems show your potential as a writer. I do not, however, think these are very good. I think you need to flesh out your thoughts a bit more, use some imagery, don't rhyme in such a predictable, sing-song manner, use metaphors, similes, condense what you're saying to the fewest possible words, edit what you've written, ask yourself if every word is necessary, try to do something more original.

The 'darkness inside' you, however, would suggest that you have a strong enough passion and a bitter enough soul to give readers some interesting insight into yourself. Keep writing.

Answer 5

have you ever considered a donkey make himself into an @ss? have you ever considered a monkey getting extreme on grass? have you ever heard a birdy singing to himself I drained to write down a poem yet I even bored myself.

Answer 6

I really liked your poems; they were really beautiful and sad at the same time.I think we all feel like this a we see no hope in sight and it;s so harsh but someway we have to keep on going , keep writing your great.

Answer 7

Yeah their good, #5 so so, your depressed, but it's good to have creative outlet, sometimes poetry for some of us is the only way we can talk about our pain.

Answer 8

They are beautiful.... you wrote them? youre very talented, however they are very dark and deppressing, if this is how you deal with youre feelings then thats good but if not youll want to see a therapist, no offense but for your own good!

Answer 9

Yes. They are as cool as the other ones, maybe even better...

Answer 10

There very nice maybe you could tell some of my friends underwater some poems.