it still bothers me...?

Question

my mom and her new husband being together. my mom left my dad about 2 years ago and went to live with this guy immediately afterwards. last february, two weeks after my mom and dad's divorce got through, they got married (by law only, no ceremony, and i didn't know until afterwards).

i'm the type of person that believes in marriage, so it bothered me a lot when they were living together before being "married." it's not that it's my business to force my way on others...it's just that it's so much more painful because it's my mother. but the thing is, it still bothers me, and i think it always will bother me....especially since i (accidentally) heard them at "it" in the middle of the night. i am so angry, and i really hate her stupid husband. and i know there is nothing i can do about it...i feel like i can never look at my mom the same way again...

has anyone been through this kind of situation? how do you deal with it?

Dano- i think you just read my mind. lol. of course i won't. i won't deny that i've thought of it though...

Answer 1

You have every right to be bothered. your mother has not acted properly on the matter. She should be your example, but she is a human being that makes mistakes. She will most likely regret what she did, but she is still your mother. Talk to her, let her know how you feel. Mend your relationship because you do not want the situation to get out of control. Remember we make our own destiny!! Break the cycle, I am so glad to hear that somebody values marriage and families. As parents, our decisions affect our children's life. Adults can be very selfish, and use the excuse that they deserve to be happy too. The grass isn't greener on the other side. She just has a lot of baggage now. I wish you the best of luck!!!

Answer 2

Never been through this, but I can surely sympathize with you, honey. You can't control how you feel--only how you react. I would only suggest not acting a particular way in front of her new hubby. I'm not telling you to be fake and pretend to be his best friend, but explain to your Mom on a one-on-one situation how you feel. Maybe she'll see your point and explain her side in a way that will make you feel better about what's going on.

Remember that she deserves happiness too, and even though it's very hard on you, it may just be something that you need to learn to deal with. However, in the meantime, deal with your emotions--don't ignore them.

Answer 3

Your mom is human and she deserves your love and understanding. Not all marriages are forever, and I'm sure she had good reasons for divorcing your father. Maybe you should ask her about that sometime. Or tell her you want to talk to a therapist.

I think you're being really harsh in your attitude to your mother. If you really loved her, you'd want her to be happy. Instead it sounds like all you care about is making harsh judgements against her, when you have no idea what it's like to walk a mile in her shoes.

Focus on your own life and doing well in your own endeavors, and let your mom live her life in peace.

"Birthing is hard,
and dying is mean,
so get yourself some loving
in between."
William Carlos Williams.

Answer 4

Obviously you are still angry with your mom. You need to talk to someone, maybe your dad, about your feelings. It is good to know that you have such principles about living together before marriage. Now that your mom is remarried, you must stop hating her or her husband. It is no use feeling resentment when you know that there is nothing you can do to change it. Be good to yourself and be on good terms with both your mom and dad AND your step-dad. It is going to be hard to let go of negative feelings but you have to direct that anger into something positive.

Answer 5

I've experienced the same thing. I refused to talk to her for quite a long time. I didn't talk to her husband at all, not a single word until he died. They both had passed away now. Looking back, I think I had been selfish. She had her needs which i might not be able to understand then. I should not resent it the way I did. What I say may or may not help you, but we need to learn to see beyond our own anger and needs.

Answer 6

she is just a human person looking for love I don't know why she left your dad but she wasn't happy with him other wise she would have stayed , but I'm sure you have had bf's that she didn't like. you don't have to love her guy just be polite and tolerate him after all its for your moms happiness . it costs you a little and she will love it a lot. It a mature thing you would be doing putting some one you loves feelings before your own .

Answer 7

Not e-z to deal with..
lots of us go thru something like this...

and parents don't realize what they are doing to us...

try to get some counseling at school, about it.. they have books..
if u don't u will get an anger problems that only gets bigger as u get older..
it is a hurtful thing to forget and forgive..
and until u get older.. no one is expecting u to understand ..

Answer 8

try to look at the good times they had and you might want to live with your father if this keep.s bothering you is my best thought. in my opion?

Answer 9

I only hope you will be of age soon and can move out. You should write a note to your mom - tell her you are hurt....keep it between you and her.
oh and dont kill the guy...

Answer 10

everyone makes mistakes if you cant deal with it live with your dad. use her as an example of what not to do. good luck