Single moms- is this the norm?

Question

I was reconcilling with my now ex after a lenghty seperation (his past drug use- drug testing was mandatory to be back with his family) when he went out with some of his buddies, got really drunk and went home with some girl. This is a first (and last).

To make this short- she called me after being with him for a few months (her issues are she doesnt want him paying support to me plus she is starting to have the same problems I did with him etc).

She told me that "singles moms" (as she is with a 6 year old son) go to bars to "hook into a guy"... I am absolutely disgusted!

She said he cried when he told her he is married with kids. Yet, she stays...
I am not blaming her as he was 50% responsible.

I have always valued my rep and what others think. I have struggled in defining myself as a "single" and a "single mother" after being with someone nearly half my life (met when I was 15).

I hate saying I am a single mom in a social situation because it seems to equate to being bar trash or easy.

Are there any other people that can relate- good or bad?

PS- I am the type of mom that works in a health society, goes on fieldtrips, always has bandaids in her purse, bakes cakes and you will never catch me in a bar...

Answer 1

It's not the norm honey and you hold onto those morals of yours. You are doing just fine without the input of someone who is trying to justify her poor decision making.

He's her problem now. Be sure to tell her that the next time she calls and then stop accepting her phone calls. She can't fight his battles and he needs to grow up.

Until then, keep your chin up. You have my utmost respect as a single mom. It's hard work, tiring and stressful, yet you do it and make no excuses. I wish more mothers were like you! Your children will be proud of you.

Answer 2

Why I earth would a single mom go to a bar of all places to met guys and actually want them to take care of thier children. When atleast 1/2 the population knows that people you pick up at a bar are looking for a screw and that is it....I was a single mom for several years and I never did that. Thats not the norm and the girl sounds just a trashy as he does.

Answer 3

There are lots of double standards when it comes to gender, and this is one of them. I don't know if I could specify one reason. For older ladies whose husbands and fathers may not have been as "involved", it might come as a pleasant surprise when a man is raising his child alone. Sometimes I think it's an insult to men, because it's almost like people are surprised when their dads are interested in their kids, because stereotypically, dads are workaholic disciplinarians who don't actually play with their kids. I will come to pdooma's defense and say that while out alone with my son, my husband has been asked many questions about how he knows him. It may not help that my son looks nothing like him (my son is very fair with red hair, and my husband has dark hair and beard with olive skin), but it certainly happens. eta: Have you seen the ads where the dad has no clue what is going on when taking care of his kids? Or how they can never dress them right, or will only order pizza when Mom's away? I think the idea that fathers are incompetent has been pounded into our heads by society. So naturally, it comes as a pleasant shock when a father is as "good", if not better than a mother.

Answer 4

Single mum is becoming a trend in our society. It is whether are we able to accept the fact that the number of Single mums is going up. I also believe it is tough for a single mum to bring up the kids coz as the kids grow older, they will start to compare and want to know where is their father.

Answer 5

With all that being said.. what is it u want to hear?

Your good.. and she ain't..?


Yes, I was divorced and had a child.. and yes,, I was like u..
didn't remarry for my child sake for many years.. until I knew he could handle me having another relationship..
we were like peanut.. and butter... really close..

I too valued my rep.. but I always have... strict up bringing
I am glad to hear u kicked him to the curb...
and don't take him back...
so she doesn't want u to have support.. to bad too sad.. it is not up to her.. and she is having the same problem with him as u did.... well , ....serves her right...

hold ur head up high.. and don't look back... take care of ur child 1st and foremost...

Answer 6

I think your idea of a single mom is a bit skewed. A lot of single mom's in fact most are hard workers and hardly have time to go out making it extremly hard to meet someone new.

Answer 7

if your asking, yes you sound like a great mom. and i always thought the term single mom only meant that the father doesnt live in the house i never thought it held the milf title.
or i figured it meant that the father doesnt financialy support them so us "single mothers" have to do it. like when you file single or head of house hold on your taxes.

Answer 8

yes it is normal alot of mothers are single and raising there kids. she can want what she wants but in all reality you will get money because he will have to pay child support for you son. the girlfriend needs to stay out of it when it comes to you and your son making it and surviving

Answer 9

I'm not sure what the question is, but if you mean do the new girlfriends always resent the ex wife getting money, then yeah, 70% of the time they do.

Answer 10

you should not feel this way he owes you support too take care of the child you and he made as for him fulling around with the other woman he is 100% wrong for not telling her he was married or at least not honest with her..