Is it possible to fall in love with your husband again?

Question

We have alot of fighting and tears behind us, and I found myself slipping away from my husband. I have considered divorce, but now I think it would be better for all if I try to just fall in love with him again. Is that even possible? How can I rediscover long lost feelings?

Answer 1

I can understand people falling in love, but I don't understand when people say they are trying to fall in love. In fact, you don't need to do anything to fall, you have to give up all efforts to stand, then only you can fall.

Your real intention is to make efforts to let your relationship stand, and you want to apply the strategy of once again falling in love to achieve your purpose. Let me examine how real your effort is.

In the first place, trying to fall in love, is not the concept of love at all. Love happens on its own, it cannot be earned, no effort can make it happen. It is not in your control that you can have it when you like and discard it if you don't.

Love is like a breeze; you cannot obtain it at your will, you can allow it when it comes, or you can shut your windows, if you don't want it to enter. But you cannot bring it on your own.

So your effort is being wasted in attempting to fall in love, which cannot be real. If you think, you can do so, you are fooling yourself, ur intentions may be real but your attempts to achieve your goal is based on false conceptions of love.

Your husband can easily realize whether you are in love with him or not. When once you feel there is no love, don’t pretend to love. Accept the truth, and don’t say I love you, if you don’t have love.

Just like any living thing, love needs time and space to grow. If you are in a joint family, there are chances that love will prevail longer, because then your husband is not always and easily available to you in view of the restrictions that come with living together in a joint family. You steal time to talk to your husband.

In a nuclear family, where only you and your husband and small children live, husbands and wives are always available to each other. There are no pressures and restrictions of the joint family, so with each passing day, everything becomes so routine, even love becomes routine, stale and dead. When love dies, there is no consideration for each other, when the feeling of love for each other disappears, quarrels become common. Yet out of social obligation, both husband and wife continue to live together, inspite of no love. And this creates a very awkward situation, because they cannot live separately, until a day comes, when they decide to live apart, and the only solution seems to be a divorce.

The institution of marriage is not foolproof yet. There needs to be a better mechanism to ensure sustained love for each other. But as I told you, love also needs time and space to grow. So frequently husbands and wives should live away from each other, for longer periods if possible, so that love grows between them.

With time and distance, your husband may develop love, and with love comes understanding and quality of forgiveness, and then you too will be ripe in love, and then both can celebrate love through reunion, but it comes after a hardship of separation. At that time, be careful not to bring in the bitter memories of the past, otherwise you will spoil the game. Don’t express your love to him through overused words, observe silence more and love should radiate in all your actions, and of course this can happen only when there is love in you, otherwise you don’t need to pretend that you love him, if in reality you don’t.

It happens that love is lost by living together for long time. It needs to be refreshed and rejuvenated now, and it is possible only by living away from each other, under different roofs. If situation permits, you try this way out, and you will find that your conjugal relationship will definitely improve and all improvement comes through love, which is the only solution to all problems. You don’t need to take formal divorce. Marriage and divorce are two sides of the same coin. Divorce (separating physically and not legally) will strengthen the bonds of marriage. Divorce is the foundation for successful marriage.

Separation is a must to reunite. And this is the need of the hour. Tell your husband plainly, that you respect his feeling of no love for you, and tell him that you want to have a loving relationship with him and for that you want to remain away from him for sometime. Be truthful, and let him know that you value love and for that you would like to move away so that you don’t prove a burden on him by being close to him, even when there is no love.

Answer 2

Of course it is possible I' ve been married to the same man for 10 years. Every marriage has its dry spells. here is an exercise that might help you out.

Have what I call a wish day. For one day, You or your spouse will do whatever the other person asks of you- without complaining or arguing. You should talk about ahead of time it to make sure that there are boundaries eg. nothing that would physically hurt either of you. Then just take turns on who has the next wish day. I've seen this work wonders for people.

Make goals together. To many couples drift apart because they want separate things in life try to incorporate your dreams together and work toward them together.

Take walks together. Without cellphones or pagers or anything that would distract you from each other. Make sure that you talk about things that don't bring More stress in your lives.

Just hang in there and keep trying it will be worth it if all else fails try counseling. Good Luck.

Answer 3

Yes, if you want to. Have you considered marriage counseling?

Here's some good books to consider:
Relationship Rescue by Phil McGraw
Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman
Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix
A Couple's Guide to Communication, John Mordechai Gottman
Love in the Present Tense: How to Have a High Intimacy, Low Maintenance Marriage by Morrie and Arleah Shechtman

Answer 4

when you fell in love were you just cought up in the fantasy of a fairytail or did you fall inlove with him, flaws and all, or did you get married so fast that you didnt even take the time to see if the 2 of you were compatable. do you have things in common. did the marriage end before it started? for a relationship to work you need to be best friends. if you cant be friends how could it ever work. so you have to ask yourself. can you be his friend. can he be a friend to you or does the bad outwiegh the good. if so is it really that healthy to stay. think about it. go read suzanne whites" the new chinese astrology. instead of reading about your birth month, i dives more deeply into your personality with your birth year. it has been a life saver for me. just be openminded kay. im ordinary like you. im not a fortune teller or nothing. ive just been finding that there may be real reasons why people act the way they do around different people. you may find your answer in this book . good luck

Answer 5

Well, yes I think it is possible.
Have you tried to talk to him and discuss
about what both of you would like to change
in your relationship?
I am considering to get the divorce too, but I think
I can try to fix what is wrong first , but if it doesnt work
i will divorce for sure....if you changed your mind about
the divorce you have to try to fix it too.
I know it can be crazy but it is one idea...what do you think about living far from him..like you in a place and him in another one? So you two will miss each other and will go out like it was before the marriage..this experience can work out. Anyway good luck for you. I wish you the best

Answer 6

if you love him and he is a better person ...yes A good marriage is an intimate and loving relationship which gives both partners security, friendship, companionship, support, comfort, and deep love that penetrates every aspect of life. None of this can be achieved without work and sacrifice. Marriage may be compared to a plant that requires daily nurture, daily attention, daily care and cultivation. It will not develop of its own accord; only as effort and will are exerted will it grow and mature. For a marriage to succeed, both husband and wife must be committed to its success. They must build an enduring love relationship that is centered in the heart of their consciousness. Their relationship must be nurtured with the water of loyalty and love. Good Luck

Answer 7

It is possible especially since you have an open heart and mind to it. You said yourself that the fighting and tears are behind you, leave them there and move forward, focus on each other and take some time alone to figure out what is really important to you.

Answer 8

Read The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. You will be falling in love again before you finish the introduction.

Answer 9

I know this may take some work, but the key to getting back to that point, is reminding yourself of why you fell in love with him in the first place. Then lighten up, joke around a bit and make it fun again....like it use to be. Alot of times we get caught up in life and we forget how we got there. So take a walk down memory lane. Pull out the photo albums and put your mindset back to when you were happy honey. You'll find it....I promise.

And rest assured you are not alone. Couples fall in and out of love throughout the course of their marriage....it's something that just happens. but it's how you fall back in love that makes that bond stronger and harder to resist.

Answer 10

yes you can fall back in love but it will take lots of work on both you.. you have to be willing to compromise with each other. and you must stop the fighting and stuff coz it will never work that way. you or him would leave each other in the end. but if both are willing to change the way they respond to things and can treat each other with respect it can work out if you still love each other.. talk to him and see what he feels about your relationship and tell him what you feel about it..lay it all on the table and pick through it and if both willing to work on the areas that havent been working for you, you could try to work things out then. there are deal breakers like abuse. no one should take that.. good luck

Answer 11

Yes it is possible, it hap pend to me too. You need to remeber all the things that made you fall in love with him. Like when you first started dating him, your first kiss all the times you made love ect. Think of the reasons why you chose him, why he was THE ONE. Try being romantic more, have more patience with your marriage. It will work, Good Luck!