so you think you can...?

Question

make me laugh? try me.

Answer 1

Work rules and Policies:

Absenses

"We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

SURGERY:
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

PERSONAL DAYS:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

VACATION DAYS:
All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, July 4 & Dec. 25

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done enough.

OUT FROM YOUR OWN DEATH:
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice, as it is your duty to train your own replacement.

RESTROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees' supervisors in writing must approve this exchange. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open.

LUNCH BREAK:
Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain the average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill. Sondra gets none.

DRESS CODE:
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary, if we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers and carrying a $600 Gucci bag we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations or input should be directed elsewhere. Have a nice week.

-- Management


Hope I made You Laugh.. HEHEHE

Answer 2

I need a laugh myself.

Answer 3

Three men, an Irish man, a Mexican man, and a blonde (yes they are legal but back to the joke) work together on a construction site. During lunch the Irish man opens his lunch and says, "Corn beef and cabbage again? I swear if I get corn beef and cabbage in my lunch again, I'm going to jump off this building!" The Mexican man opens his lunch and says, "Tacos and burritos again? I swear if I get tacos and burritos in my lunch again, I'm also going to jump off this building!" The blonde man opens his lunch and says, "Bologne and chips again? I swear if I get bologne and chips in my lunch again I too will jump off this building!" The next day during their lunch the Irish man opens his lunch and sure enough he has corn beef and cabbage. He jumps off the building. The Mexican man opens his lunch as he has tacos and burritos. He also jumps off the building. The blonde guy opens his lunch and he had bologne and chips. He jumps off the building as well. During the funeral, they had all three together, the wife of the Irish man said, "If I had known that he didn't want corn beef and cabbage, I would have asked him what he wanted." The wife of the Mexican man said, "If I had known that he didn't want tacos and burritos, I would have gotten out my cook book and tried something new." They each looked at the wife of the blonde man which she replied, "Don't look at me, he always fixed his lunch!"

Answer 4

Yeah... but I have to make you laugh in person.. I cant online.

Answer 5

Er. I dunno.
Wait.
Why do /I/ have to make you laugh?
Why don't /you/ try and make /me/ laugh?
This seems a bit unfair.
Are you being sexist?

Answer 6

lolololololol
ah come on now you know your going to laugh ;)

Answer 7

i've got a bruise on my leg but don't call me a bruisy leg??







haha.
it made me laugh for 5 minutes straight when my boyfriend said it.

Answer 8

it's 5:00 Am for goodness sake

Answer 9

How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart?

When she starts her sentence with , "A man once told me... "

Answer 10

Yeah I dont think I can...Sorry. But if you read this, it might make you laugh.
http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Hills/3456/h_application.html