13 year old daughter with a hickey!?

Question

She'll be 14 the end of the month. While spending the night with some "friends" she comes home with a cluster of hickeys on her neck! Of course, Dad was the first to notice them and he hit the roof! Sex talk in our house is open. If you have a question just ask, and be honest. Where do I go with this? How should I handle her punishment? Should I put her on birth control? She swears she never had sex, just making out. I knew this was going to happen but I just wasn't ready for it. Any advice, or tips, or ideas would help a bunch. Thx Oh, by the way, her grades are excellent and shes a good kid, no trouble what so ever.

Answer 1

slow down take a deep breath and chill out....shes just having fun...nothing to freak about....im sure u had some when u were her age.i dont think a hickey means she permiscuous...and having sex...if u say shes a good kid then there nothing to worry about....but just 2 let u know i know alot of people that do stuff their parents dont know about and they would freak! just keep a close eye on her but give her some space, and keep an open relationship

Answer 2

Ok...number 1........RELAX!!!!! She is experimenting. The one thing I would be curious to know is what 'friends' house did she stay at?? Were the parents home?? If not, did they know that your daughter was spending the night?
Number 2.........PLEASE DO NOT PUNISH HER OVER THIS!
Doing that, would just make her want to do it more, and go further than just hickeys!! That is something that you do not want right now. Number 3.........TALK WITH HER!!!! Tell her that it's OKAY that she is experimenting with boys/dating...it's all part of growing up. Tell her you would prefer that she not come home with a black and blue neck full. One or two TINY ones are fine, but explain to her that a neck full makes her look 'easy' and 'slutty' if you will. Make sure to repeat to her through out this conversation that you trust her impeccably, unconditionally! Also relay to her that now that she is experimenting she needs to be protected, and you would like to take her to the doctor and get on birth control, and I would/did also buy condoms and had my daughter carry some with her....just incase....ya know??

Good Luck to You All
Momma P

May Angels Walk Beside You and Your Family Always

Answer 3

I did the same thing at 13. I just got a bunch of hickeys, and didn't even kiss yet. It was pretty much just exploring my newfound young adulthood, and wanting to look "cool" to other kids my age. (even though now I know it just looked nothng but trashy) I really wouldnt be surprised if she didn't actually have sex, but just wanted to hve the hickeys as a sort of display to her peers. I would definitely not let her hang out with any friends for a couple weeks, but I know school starts soon in some areas. I would not force birth control on her, just ensure that she is well informed about it, which it sounds like she is because of sex talk being open in your house. She sounds like a good kid, just testing her boundaries, and wanting to look like the cool kid to her peers. My dad grounded me for two weeks when I came home with a hickey necklace at 13.

Answer 4

My niece recently got her first hickey when she was13. She'll be 14 in December. I was a little more upset by it than my sister was, but I think she handled it well. She warned her daughter that if it happened again she would suffer real consequences. I had a talk with my niece and told her she is a young lady and if she wanted to be respected by her male peers she should not give them reason to talk about her. Most boys that age are just looking to score with the girls and the outside appearence speaks louder than what actually happened. Although the saying: Don't pay attention to what others are saying about you is true sometimes, you can't help the gossip that will be going around.

Answer 5

I dont think she should be punished. she made out, she didnt have sex. She is growing up. Just sit her down and explain to her how YOU feel, even though its a "just ask" environment some girls still feel unconfrotable talking about things like sex with their mothers. but what i would do in your situation is sti down with your husband and make sure that you both understand that she is growing up, and she she going to make out, there is no way to avoid it. So he needs no NOT hit the roof. it will push your daughter away. She dosent need birth control, she needs an understanding mother. But she seems like a smart kid, she will do the right thing.

Answer 6

I don't think you can believe her when she says she's not active sexually. Give her a good talking to about sex, STDs, and different safe methods of birth control. Take her to the dr. and get her birth control. Tell her it's important for the boy to wear a condom whether or not she's on the pill in order to prevent STDs. Tell her STDs can be in the mouth, too, so no oral stuff. Then tell her you'll kill her if she comes home pregnant. If she wants a LIFE, she won't get pregnant until she's in a loving relationship AND out of college.

Punishment? She just doesn't get to go anywhere without a chaperone. No overnights. Tell her you're disappointed in her decision-making skills, and that she's going to have to earn the trust back by being honest, being where she's supposed to be with whom she's supposed to be, and always letting you know where she's at.

I know this is the first trouble you've had, and I know it's shocking to you, but kids who are getting hickeys and making out are going to be having sex soon unless an adult steps in and prevents it. I have seen so many girls whose lives were literally ruined by a teenage pregnancy and keeping the baby to raise themselves. They're strapped down, have to work in low-paying positions because of no college, and the relationships just keep coming, one after another, just like the first one. You don't want that for your daughter, I'm sure. Keep and eye on her.

TX Mom
Not a medical practitioner

Answer 7

WOW ur overprotective... She had a hickey the horror!!! Just because she has a hickey doesn't mean she has had sex. Ur daughter will never open up to you about sexual things now because u accused her of having sex for no good reason. And punishing her willl not make things any better that is making her think that any touching she does with guy is wrong so it is putting sex and kissing on the same level in her mind.

Answer 8

2 years ago, she was playing with barbies. Grounding is the only option. She's 13 for gods sake. She'll be 16 and pregnant with good grades. You're sending out the message that its ok to have sex and have some guys tounge in her mouth, at 13. Not good.
Call out your notice to the hickeys in a public spot, like walmart. That ought to stop it.

Answer 9

just calmly explain to her the reasons why u r upsest. maybe even bring her on here to see all the girls her age asking the questions am i pregnant...just ask her to be open and honest with you and tell her you will not be mad if she tells you the truth but you actually have to follow that one. i know what it is like to have your mom find out lol i was so scared i just wanted to lie about it because she was so pissed. just go through the whole thing with her. ask her if she has questions. see my mom never really talked to me about it she just said screw because i was sneaking because i knew she would be more pissed off. my dad sadly enough was the one who put me on birth control lol. my mom didnt even mention it to me. just do not lose your cool with her or else you may never be able to trust her again. good luck. hope this helps.

Answer 10

um....good grades have nothing to do with it. just becuase she has good grades and is a relatively good kid, doesn't mean she's not going to have sex. eventually she will.....i wouldn't punish her. it's only going to make the situation worse. just lay down some rules now and if she breaks those rules from now on then punish her. and yes i would put her on birth control, but PLEASE explain to her that just becuase she is on b/c doesn't mean that she won't get pregnant...

Answer 11

Wow i can feel your scared of what your daughter may be getting into! As a Lady myself I understand both situations! Your daughter is going through a tough time and she wants to experiment! Hormones get the best of us sometimes. But that does not mean it's okay! Open questions are good to have but she has to understand it is not okay to do this! She needs guidance and discipline! You are the parent and you are her best source of information on these subjects.