my parents divorced. it doesnt make me feel stronger, and it does feel like it shouldve killed me. theres a lot more to the story, but i dont believe in love anymore and its been a year and i still dont see any way this could better me as a person. it hasnt gotten any better and it doesnt feel like it will.
2007-08-03 12:50:20 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
its been a year, actually it will be the exact date that the divorce was finalized in about 2 weeks
2007-08-03 12:56:06 · update #1
i try to read your answers but its hard to imagine applying any of your advice to my life. thanks for your imput, im sure it all sounds very logical to you.
2007-08-03 13:15:00 · update #2
hey grizzy, who are you talking about? who's "Nietzche"
2007-08-03 16:36:07 · update #3
A lot of times we don't know how strong we are until the time comes when we need the strength. Your parents divorcing must have been very traumatic. A year is not enough time to heal from something that has such a major impact on your life. You will believe in love again, and when you do you will know better how to keep it alive because of seeing how much damage was caused by your parents' actions.
2007-08-03 12:57:03 · answer #1 · answered by mafiosu 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm truly sorry. Stronger doesn't always mean better. I'm not sure I agree with Nietzche (the guy you near-quoted). But there's a lot of mean people out there, and the wide-eyed trusting types are more likely to get eaten alive, so if your parents' divorce made you a bit more wary, you're stronger for it.
I'm not suggesting for a second that your parents' divorce was a good thing to happen to you. But life has some horrible, painful moments, for which there is no consolation. It also has some pretty darn good moments. In the long term, the trick is to pay attention to both kinds of moments. That's what will really make you stronger, or so I think.
**Addendum: Friedrich Nietzche (in answer to your question) was a 19th Century German philosopher, generally considered to be the father of existentialism, and the guy who originally said, "what does not kill me makes me stronger."
2007-08-03 13:13:36 · answer #2 · answered by grizzie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This has been very traumatic for you, and I want to tell you that if it effects you this badly, you need to find some professional help, someone who you can confide in, and may assist you, since it sounds like you are suffering from depression.
I have been through a lot in my life, more then people three times my age, and not always can you benefit from difficult experience, there are a lot of things I wish did not happen at all, but you cannot let this get you down, it's a shame and a waste. As far as love goes, I assure you, it exists big time. You will find it, or it will find you. But first thing's first. Make sure you find and get the help you need in order to get your life back on track and get past this rough patch. It is possible, no matter how hopeless things look now. Do not give up.
All the best.
2007-08-03 13:03:01 · answer #3 · answered by artist-oranit.com. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
misheal,
what you have to understand is that you can't put the fact your parents divorced, on yourself. It didn't technically "happen" to you, you were an innocent bystander caught in the train wreck of their life. You can't let their mistakes destroy you and your future.
Whne it comes to love, many people, not just your parents, make the wrong choice when it comes to a partner. That, or something happens in their life that changes them, and makes two people who were once in love, to not be compatible anymore. Marriage is not a guarantee of happily ever after like the fairy tales.
Their divorce, made your mother and father better people, because they are happier now. They didn't belong together - they still both love you just as much as always...and parents do not have to be together to share love for a child. They can be better parents as happier people (although probably because of the divorce they weren't the best parents through it all the time....but that is just being human)
My advice to you, is to get into counseling - you have deep issues reguarding your parents divorce that you need to work through, so you don't give up on yourself. You are a unique individual, just because your parents couldn't make what once was a loving relationship last, doesn't mean you can't. You take and learn from their mistakes, and apply it to your life - so you don't repeat what they did to destroy what they had.
2007-08-03 13:06:24 · answer #4 · answered by allrightythen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it is true, even in this situation. Since you say there is more to the story it's hard to try and help completely, but I would say that you definitely should NOT give up on love. Just because your parents divorced, that doesn't mean that they didn't love each other while they were together. It is possible for people to fall in and out of love. That's just life. You will be stronger for it because when you find the person you care about, you will know that you will want to hold on to them forever so you never have to go through this. If you want to talk more about it, just let me know.
2007-08-03 13:00:07 · answer #5 · answered by jbyall2003 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In an emotional sense, that statement could be true! You can take any negative incident and make it work in your favor. In your case, their divorce may affect you for some time to come because getting used to a situation without one of your parents is very hard. You will however, given time and a bit of proactive involvement in seeking help for yourself, get back on track. You are going through a period of emotional adjustment. You feel that somehow you've been cheated. You feel that all the things you were taught you about relationships, love and family have just been thrown out the window. You feel love has no meaning or relevance in your life. I know, I went through something very similar a long time ago. Try to occupy your time with something that will get your mind off the situation. Get involved helping others in way worse situations than you. Consider this one of the pitfalls of not basing a relationship on solid ground and LEARN from it! Things will get better only if you will them to. Nothing will fall out of the sky onto your lap to make all things good. You have to strive to understand that this is not the end of existence as you know it and that you have a lot to give to yourself and the people you love. Sometimes being strong for others helps you become strong for yourself. How do you think your mom feels? Have you talked to her about her feelings? Have you teamed up with her to beat your depression? Don't wallow in self pity for that will only weaken you enough for you to succumb to the grip of defeat.! Chin up, baby, you have a lot to give and can only do it if you are conscious that you are the only one that will ultimately get you out of your rut.
2007-08-03 13:10:49 · answer #6 · answered by SexRexRx 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The same thing happened to me when my parents divorced 7 years ago - it was one of the worst feelings ever and it felt like it lasted awhile. And in a way, I can still feel it. It's like the bottom just fell out of my life and I couldn't pull myself up and feel 'normal' for awhile. I really felt like my heart hurt. But now, in all honesty, when I see the two of them, I can't imagine how they were even together like they once were. They are on two very different paths/lifestyles now. And my sisters and I have managed ok over the years and it was rough on all of us for awhile, you just have to wait it out and do the best you can. I guess it did make me 'stronger' in the sense it was more experience to draw on (like for this sort of thing), but you'll have to get past the not believing in love anymore. Agan, that will take time, and the right person. Best of luck and take care!
2007-08-03 13:03:46 · answer #7 · answered by Jennifer T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you need some professional counceling to get thru these feelings that have been brought on by your parents divorce so that it doesn't affect yuou in all your later years and in your relationships to come. Many, many children are affected the same way you are and even if they are adults at the time. Just know that none of this is your fault and you couldn't do anything to hold them together. Hopefully you all can still be a family even thru this terrible time.
2007-08-03 12:57:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Baby steps!!!! Everything happens for a reason but you just can't see it right now. Divorce is always the worst on the kids, cause they don't understand why it happened. Your parents are supposed to be together forever, right? Maybe the lesson here is that when you do in the future decide to marry, you'll make sure that it'll last. Just take it day by day, now. Baby steps!!
2007-08-03 13:05:00 · answer #9 · answered by Needtoknow 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think we become wiser and sometimes stronger but in generally not i've been through so much in my life and i try to just not look back and maybe in some cases i'm stronger but when something really bad happens i'm just as hurt as i was back then
2016-05-17 11:17:34 · answer #10 · answered by beverley 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋