Can anyone explain how you dealt with being unable to bond with your baby?

Question

My son's girlfriend has said she "hates" this baby. He was a preemie, and spent the first weeks of his life in the NICU about an hours drive away. He is an excellent baby, such a bundle of joy. I bonded with both of my boys instantly, so I'm having a hard time understanding this. Can anyone shed some light on this for me? (He is 4 months old now.)

No, I never told her I bonded with my boys immediately.

She had a terrible pregnancy as well. She was so sick, hospitalized 3 times for dehydration, etc. Then spent 6 weeks on total bed rest before she gave birth. It really was a nightmare for her.

Answer 1

I had a difficult pregnancy 9 months of throwing up and a blood clot at 26 weeks. After the blood clot I had 2 1/2 months of painfully twice daily sots to disolve the clot. I felt horrible most of my pregnancy. I started to see giving birth not as a joyful time but as end to my nightmare. I was induced at 38 weeks, but after 9 hours of not dilating at all, I had to have a c-section. C-sections can be very tough on a person, despite what some people say. I did not want to see my baby. I just wanted to be finished with everything. I remember being rather annoyed that I had to bring her home.

Thankfully I had a supportive husband and a wonderful and understanding mother. I was able to talk about my feeling. My mother came over almost everyday to help me recover and to help me take care of my daughter. I was unable to breastfeed because my milk took over 9 days to come in. I started to exclusively pump to give my daughter the important antibodies in breastmilk (she is 11 months and I am still pumping!), but I missed out on the special bond that happens while a mother breastfeed. I read an article that suggested that a bond can be created when a parent co-sleeps. So that exactly what I started to do when my daughter was a few weeks old. Co-sleeping or even just taking naps together might really help the mother of your grandson.
I suspect she is also having some post-partem depression. That can be helped in a variety of ways- talking to friends and family (like I did) going to therapy, and/ or being put on some anti-depressantes. Try to be understanding. You did elaborate on the circumstances of the birth but if she had this baby prematurely then it sounds like she was probably going through alot at the time of the birth. Not everyone bonds instantly with their baby.

Now my daughter is 11 months and I can truly say that being a mom is the most wonderful thing in the world (although at times the most diffcult as well) I love her more than I can express. It did take quite a while and the process was slower than I would have wanted. I hope that she gets some help and is able to feel like I do about my child.

Answer 2

I work with premture babies and have had a lot of mom's tell me it was hard bonding with their child at first since others were the ones taking care of them at all times, and they had to leave the hospital without the baby. However, I have never heard one say they hate their baby. That's horrible!! Maybe she's just really depressed from the whole situation. She should get counseling.

Also, I hope you have not told her that you "instantly" bonded with your babies. It took me 3 weeks to really bond with my daughter. I had horrible depression and when people told me their love for their child was instant it made me feel like a horrible parent. I always tell girls who are pregnant with their first to not feel bad if it takes them a while to bond with their baby. I have had several tell me afterwards that they were so glad I told them that.

Answer 3

Sweet Pea maybe she is not given the time needed to bond with her new baby. See a baby and its mothers bond is inseparable. It sounds like she is not interested in learning all things that you learn about them when they are little. Good luck!

Answer 4

its hard to bond with a baby in the nicu. when my daughter was in the nicu i never bonded with her till she came home. i never hated the baby just the fact she was not home with me.

Answer 5

i'm sorry yet, no you could still make different women experience accountable for judgements they make consistent with different womens fertility issues, no you could still shop,basically simply by fact they experience sorry for different women, thats not a good sufficient reason to hold a being pregnant!! in case you think of easily women only pass into clinics/hospitals to casually have an abortion, then you particularly're an extremely uneducated guy or woman, and identity propose you and everybody else who thinks that, to have a communicate with some human beings going to terminate and pay attention not choose, and pay attention how frightening and depressing the alternative is for many, and how frustrating that's to way up the pros and cons of a decision exceedingly a existence threatening one somebody reported additionally, that many older women get terminations than youth, that's actual! there is extra adults accessible having pregnancies than toddlers(youth), and the fee could be bigger for adults than youth, some women terminate after theyve had some toddlers too, while they comprehend they cant have sufficient money yet another one or couldnt placed her relatives by way of yet another being pregnant to grant away, we have no perfect to choose others judgements in existence, and we cant evaluate or base it on everybody elses, we cant evaluate women who cant have toddlers to women that could, the only way this could ever be solved, is that in the event that they make some form of device the place a fetus can stay to tell the tale exterior of the womb and boost, Abortion is going to be around no remember if everybody is against it or for it, simply by fact it needs to be an determination for womans well-being, as we dont choose extra deaths increasing because of this. somebody elses infertility could in no way play an element in protecting your baby, its not honest to assume human beings to have toddlers simply by actuality others cant, only simply by fact some women can get pregnant doesnt recommend they are going to be great dad and mom, or in a position to hold for 9 months exceedingly a concern the place neither could stay to tell the tale besides, additionally some women who cant have toddlers yet choose them, additionally, doesnt recommend they could be great dad and mom the two, you cant tell no remember if somebody would be a great discern or not until they have that youngster of their care. i'm going to in all probability get thumbs down for this, yet uh properly human beings have their own thoughts approximately this like me.

Answer 6

I would suggest she talk to a doctor. this sounds like a cry for help to me. She could be struggling from Postpartum depression. Suggest she get help right away.