Can you criticize my poem?

Question

Hey guys. This is a poem I wrote about life in the city, and the way America is all about rushing and not looking back. Enjoy and please criticize!

People are walking

Along the crowded streets they rush, only

Stopping for the speeding cars

They rush past the poor musician playing

Beautiful music, for they are too busy

going places.

The homeless man sits next to the musician, thankful

For his blanket as he searches for hope.

Everyone is different here, but they appear

The same in their suits- these crowded streets

could be more than just a city

These rushed people cry out to be more, more

Than a blur of unspoken colors.

Each one has an unheard story

An America that is hidden, untouched

I am young, but I have seen the people walking

Along the crowded streets, some envy

How fast these people walk.

I envy the homeless man, who walks slowly.

Answer 1

I like your poem very much! Much truth is revealed in your poem as you are very observant. The last line, "I envy the homeless man, who walks slowly." leaves me wondering why you envy that person. A homeless person has a story, a reason for ending up in the streets, he walks slowly because he has been effected by a hard life, perhaps, or an injury in a war. The fast walking, fast-paced person could walk through life without seeing anything or anyone around them, focused only on their own personal goal or gain. But for myself, I do not envy the homeless man. I may have respect for him if I got to know his story or have sympathy for him. I might say," I hold no interest for those moving in the fast lane, but the homeless man, has captivated my attention. He walks slowly, but his eyes are open to the world around him and he feels something, hopes for something, and watches for a sign of change. "I am not suggesting you change your poem, just offering my take on the subject. Your ending left me wanting more reason for your envy of a homeless man.

Answer 2

The music man at least offers something in return for his beggary.
Wherein the homeless man's idleness, he can afford to walk slowly where in those productive members of the city are not afforded the same opportunity, because the bum will stretch out his idle hand to catch the labor of the industrious man without an effort. This is the folly of the bum for it would be better on him f he worked, for work makes not ashamed but beggary prevents the meting of the eyes of brethren.
In sum you prefer the plantation man's free time to the toil of the slaves. Of course when you put it that way it doesn't invoke the pathos that the Pseudo-christian reverence for the "meek of the earth". I much prefer the practicality of , "If a man doesn't work he doesn't eat". "Idleness is the playground of the devil"!

Answer 3

This is a beautiful poem
it describes people in a city
dealing with traffic and speeding
cars. A reason to worry because of almost getting
hit by a vehicle. The listening of beautiful music

Answer 4

t5his is a good peom that reminds me of another by a famous poet. she too talked of the city and how that a homeless man was ignored as others pushed pass to return to the warmth of their homes. this is very good though even if the last line is a bit disappaointing.

Answer 5

The words "elegantly grown", "artistically", "strategically" do not really fit into the flow of the poem. The elegant branches Of the strong and solid tree Reach up to the pink sky above them As the heavy, orange sun dips below the earth behind them Their shadows paint pictures upon the earth Growing longer and longer Until all is engulfed in the still, every present darkness.

Answer 6

It's okay, but I'm not a big fan of poetry.

I really only stopped by to say: Don't use "criticize" in your requests. Perhaps you could ask people to "critique" your work instead.

Good luck!

Answer 7

Good, but you really don't want to envy the homeless man.

Answer 8

I'm not going to criticize. I'm going to critic your poem. It's very nice. I like the way you seperated the lines because it helps people read it better.

Answer 9

Sad with a ring of truth...walking slow because he has nothing, I wonder if that man thinks he has everything?? Just a thought, your poem is beautiful. Thank you! >^^<

Answer 10

That's really good! Here's a star