Is it cruel to put an elderly relative into an old peoples home?

Question

He suffers from dementia and although we go to his house as often as possible, we have to work during the day...he has carers 3 times a day but there is still times when he is alone and he does things that are dangerous like turning the gas on and forgetting about it and sometimes he goes outside and then cant remember where he is or where he lives

Answer 1

He should be in a home! Seriously! I do Health and Social Care, and someone with dementia shouldn't be on their own! Especially if he is getting to not knowing where he lives and that.

It wouldn't be cruel, it could possibly save his life. But, you have to do your research. Don't just plonk him into any home. Have a look around each, are their many carers around? Do the staff seem friendly? Are they interacting with the residents? Or just ignoring them? Talk to people, and ask where they have found best.

It'd be cruel if you were doing it for your own benefit, and he could live on his own. But he sounds like he needs to be in home.

Sorry to hear about your situation, I know dementia can be quite tiring emotionally to deal with.

Good luck, and if you need any more help just send me a message.

Answer 2

no it is not cruel if your relative is suffering from dementia then he will be very confused and lonely even though he has 3 carers in a home he will have care and his needs met 24/7 dont feel guilty . take him to see some homes see if the ones he likes will let him come to spend half days there maybe have a meal there then if he happy try respite then if hes happy go full time you are being a much more loving caring family if he goes in to a well run freindly home that can give him the care he needs find a home that do lots of activities and that encourage familys to join in you will sleep better knowing hes safe you can still visit him take him ouy etc they are not prisons there home from home

Answer 3

No in a situation like yours you are doing him a kindness, and taking pressure off yourself as well. Visit as often as you can .. There are countless thousands of elderly people living in care or residential homes ..Although a few might have dumped by relatives The majority are there for their own good and many enjoy the communal life .But there does come a time in life when a person can no longer look after themselves .Much as families care and love there is only so much they can do .

Answer 4

Even though your relative has home care it is still very dangerous to leave your relative alone, as you already pointed out. If it isn't possible for the whole family to pull together to help care for your relative then a care home is the only other option.

Not all care homes are bad, i have worked in some nice care homes where the staff genuinely care and provide for the residents every need but i have also worked in some pretty horrible ones also, so its best researching and visiting numerous homes before your relative and the rest of the family decide which one is best. Good luck.

Answer 5

Care homes are not always the best place for people to be looked after, but when a person has dementia to the extent of causing harm to themselves or others, they need constant supervision. I that instance, a care home is the best option unless there is a relative who can cope with round-the-clock care of the person

Answer 6

He needs either a nursing home, or a hired caretaker living with him. Not cruel to give people the care they need.

Check out the homes in your area, and pick the best one. And continue to go visit him often. You know, a home that might be "borderline" in the care they give, will sit up and pay attention, if they know that at any given moment a family member could pop in for a certain patient.

Answer 7

If his quality of life is to the point of requiring skilled care, it isn't cruel at all, it's vital. It might even save his life. This is not an easy thing to do but most people adjust quickly and before long it is their "home". Skilled care facilities have wonderful activity and exercise programs. Do your homework and check out the best one for his needs. Then don't feel guilty about doing the right thing.

Answer 8

Sounds to me as if an home is the best place for him.
Just don't forget him when you put him there. It's very sad to end up there and feel lost because none of your family come to see you.
And even if he doesn't remember who you are...Still go often so the carers know that he is being monitored...otherwise they might not take good care of him.

Answer 9

No,it's definitely not cruel,in fact,I'd go as far as to say,that you are being kind to him.If you leave him alone and something happened to him,how would you live with that? Plus in the home he'll have 24/7 care,and have more company.
Check out care homes near you,and ask other people you know if they know any good ones that you could place him in.
He sounds like he has the start of Alzheimers,so I think ur safest bet is to place him in an Old Folk's Home. Best of luck :)

Answer 10

It would only be cruel if you didn't care and placed him in a horrible home and never visited.....

My dad passed away from Alzhiemers several years ago. he had spent his last eight months living in a lovely old people's home. None of us children live near by ( all 100's of miles away) and although my father had been a very gentle man, his condition had made him become violent and he would chase my mother around the house threatening her.
My mother was also looking after her elderly father ( 93) so she was wearing herself out and her health was suffering.

We were at risk of losing both parents and so we convinced our mother that dad would be better in a facility were people were trained and able to cope with his condition.
it was hard, she felt she had abandoned him, but it was for the best for the both of them.

In these days we are all under pressure and often we just can not be there to care for our parents as we would dearly loved to be.. BUT we can provide them with a place where they are cared for . and that is so far from *granny dumping* or being cruel.

what would be more cruel ? leaving such a persn at home and having them in a state of panic because they have set fire to the house ( and possibly being killed as a result) or having them in a place where all care is taken and they have programs to entertain them , and company .. .

heart felt thoughts to you ..

have been there and it isn't easy,
Take care