I'm having trouble with my husband?

Question

Lately he kept picking on me for spending, he tracks my movement in our bank, like the money I took out from bank yesterday to go food shopping, he called me and ask if it's me who took the money out. I'm so sick and tired of this, we both work, he earns more, but I feel that I shouldn't be restricted on necessities. I'm prepared to have an argument with him tonight, I need some advices and tips to help me to win the fight, thanks

Answer 1

I would just ask him why he does not trust you. Why he feels the need to question you about every little thing you take money to buy. Then when he says why, and if he gives you examples just give him examples of the times he has done the same yet you said nothing to him. I mean I understand if he wants to know how much you spent. I mean he and you should balance your check books daily that way you both know how much is in your account. The thing is he is not your father, but your husband. That is why I said you need to start your own account and save up some of your own money. Then use his and your account just for food, clothing and paying bills. You should know about how much you can hide from him without him getting wise to it. Like I said before I can not believe I am telling someone to hide something from their husband, but he is being an unreasonable ***. Good luck and I hope you win. I will be pulling for you!!!! :)

Answer 2

First and foremost, why is he tracking your money? Have you spent frivolously in the past? Maybe he is having some financial crisis you aren't aware of? Or is he just as controlling in all aspects of your marriage?

You need to find these things out NOT by arguing and fighting with him but my talking to him. I used to want to 'win' fights with my brother when we were arguing over whose toy was whose but when I feel there is an injustice in my marriage... I TALK TO MY HUSBAND about it, not try to pick a fight just to win. This is a partnership, not a competition.

Lastly... Sometimes you ARE restricted on necessities, some people are ALWAYS restricted on necessities. That is life. Sometimes my roots are showing but I have to wait a couple extra weeks to pull the money together, that is life.

Don't be prepared for an argument when your husband gets home. The last thing someone wants is to come home from a day of work to be hassled at home, ESPECIALLY when something could just be talked out.

Answer 3

there is no wining or losing. Its important to sit him down and say this is how I am feeling and I dont want to feel this way. Let him know you dont want him to treat you like a child when it comes to money. I had to do the same with my hubby, he would check the account 3-4 times a day and ask what I bought or where the money went. I maid MORE money then HE did!! SO I told him, I dont appreciate you acting like a child asking me about the money. You have food, house hold items and clothes. Thats all that matters. If I was gambling it all away that would be different. Just sit and talk like adults and keep communication open. Always tell your spouse how you feel no matter how painful. In the end it will be very helpfull.

Answer 4

The question is...have you spent money irresponsibly in the past? That would make him concerned enough to track your spending habits. He could also be fanatical about saving money and every penny you spend is just one less he can save. Not a healthy attitude but common. Re-evaluate your spending. If it's in line the next paragraph may apply.

If he's been like this since day 1, I would suspect it's a control issue more than a money issue.... tread carefully if that's the case. A very fine line between control and abuse. If it doesn't get better, you may want to make some changes of your own. If he starts asking for receipts and an itinerary of your day's activity (whereabouts), he is a control freak....so be careful.

Answer 5

Don't pick a fight over money. It's better you talk to him MATURELY & let him know how you feel. You two can work this out without starting a fight. Sounds like your husband is somewhat of a cheap skate if he's nit picking you about spending money on groceries. Put your foot down to him, do it maturely. Avoid the whole argument thing. Not worth the headache.

Answer 6

I agree with carey, you know sometimes men are overeacting. Be calm and tell him that's your money too, and if its necessary to buy what you bought then you will do so. Dont be that angry if it is the first time that you guys discuss this around the table. Try to understand what project does he have that makes him worry about money spending. Separating the bank is nt good Idea for me because he is your man and he must give you that money like it or not. If you are with him then his money must be part of the family expense. Never open that door to be the only one paying because you are working too. NO. Keep it real tonight and wish you good luck

Answer 7

Sweet Pea it is not about who wins the fight it is about what is right. See, it seems the hubbie looks after the finances in the marriage. He obviously has had reason to look at the account if there has been to much extra spending. when you are in a marriage its not about who wins or lose you are both a team. i think responsible spending pays a big part in the marriage. When you communicate with him tonight try to find a reasonable ground for you both not just for you. Its a team remember and it involves team work. Good luck!

Answer 8

it is not about wining or losing a fight. It is to prove to him that you are an equal and should be treate as one. He is not supperior to you even though he makes more money. You both make the money so it is your right to spend your half on what you feel you want or need. I f he has a problem with it maybe you should put him on a strict money spending allowance and see how he feels if the shoe was on the other foot.

Answer 9

My husband treated me like this when we first got married. Until I finally had had enough! So for one month he had to do all the shopping, groceries, gifts for parties...etc. And I kept an eye on the account. When even as little as $20 had been taken out, I asked him what he'd used it on. He got really defensive and angry, turns out they had a pizza night at work and he needed some money. But because no words could explain to him how it felt to be treated like that I had to show him. He doesn't ask anymore.

Answer 10

who pays the bills? if its him maybe hes stressing out how hes going to make the payments.

Instead of going in there expecting a fight. Why not ask him why he feels he needs to monitor everything that comes out of the bank account? Be prepared...he may say you spend $$ like water and its stessing him out....Maybe suggest opening two accounts..one for bills and the other for spending. That way he knows what he has to pay the bills.

If you want to fight go for it...im sure itll do wonders for your marriage.