Cheating mother in law should I tell my father in law?

Question

My mother in law left her husband of 30 years and moved upstate where my husband and I are living (not with us of couse). She is cheating on my husbands father. He is in the dark about it because we are 350 miles away from him. Her husband thinks that if he spends all his money on her that she will come back, she even mentioned to him that he should take her to Florida. This is killing me to see him treated like this should I tell him that she has a boyfriend and she even spent the night at his house??? I just cannot see this going on any longer it is not fair to him, but I don't want to ruin the relationship with the grandchildren also. Please help!!!

I have talked to my husband about it. He will be the one to talk to him. The man is draining his little 401k in hopes that she will come back when she has told us that she is not and cannot get a divorce because she wants his money. I am sure that eventually even if we dont tell him he will find out that we knew and he would also be mad at us.

so if your spouse was doing that to you, you wouldn't want anyone to tell you if you had no idea of what REALLY was going on?

Answer 1

I would tell the father in law. Why would you keep that from him an make him out to be fool. I think I would rather have the truth then be treated like a fool.

Answer 2

Of course your upset with this, what kind of behavior is she teaching you and your husband; shame on her.
However this in none of your business! She is a grown woman to whom has been the one married for 30 years. She is more experienced than you; maybe you should let her be. You have no idea how her husband really treats her when they are alone; nevertheless you dont know what goes on in their bedroom. You and her son need to leave her matters into her hands. If it really bothers you that much then you should talk to her about it.
You can say or feel all you want about a marriage of 30 years, the things you think you will do or not do. Realistically no one really knows anything about a 30 year relationship except the people who have had them or still in them.
Talk to her and let her be the one to talk to him; after all no one knows him better than her. You dont want to be stuck in a triangle of she said he said.

Answer 3

If it were you that was being cheated on, would you want to know? Personally, I would. It's hard to hear, but by knowing the truth you are able to work though it and move on. If you are kept in the dark, you just keep trying and trying and you have no idea that nothing you do will fix it. However, I would involve you husband. Family dynamics are tricky and he's got more experience dealing with his parents than you do. Good luck!

Answer 4

Stay out of it. As much as you care about these people, it's not up to you to fix or solve anyone else's relationship problems. And honestly, you may not know the whole situation. It's very easy to judge and make assumptions about other people's relationships, but until you're actually IN that relationship, you can't possibly truly understand.

Talk to your husband about how you feel, but don't let your in-laws' issues drive a wedge between you & your husband, or your husband and his parents.

Answer 5

I know it's hard to keep quiet about this but it's best that you do so for many reasons. One, you don't want to ruin the relationship your children have with her & vice versa. Trust me, in time, your father-in-law will find out what his wife is up to. He may already suspect it anyway, since she did move out. If your husband doesn't want to tell his dad, then let it go. The truth will come out in time, it always does.

Answer 6

Stay out of it. If you tell anyone, tell your husband, and let him deal with it. But really, best to stay out of it. Your involvement will lead to nothing more than trouble. When there is cheating going on, the injured party always finds out one way or another, regardless of the distances between, so there is no reason for you to get involved.

Answer 7

There you go, you answered your own question. Unless he's a complete moron, you shouldn't have to tell him. She already moved out and move out of state. Also, since you don't live with the two of them, you have no clue what life has been like living with him. He may have been a creep for the past 30 year, having affairs left and right. Since you weren't there, you don't know. This wonderful man you think he is may not be so wonderful at all. My advice to you would be for you to butt out!

Answer 8

Take pictures of the two of them together, create a fake yahoo account and email the pictures to him. That way it is anonymous, for at least a short period of time.

It really isn't fair to him though, and if you have any loyalty to him, you will let him know somehow. It is your business if somebody you care about is being hurt, and if your husband isn't man enough to stop his father from being taken advantage of, somebody has to do it.

I can't help thinking that he shoud ahve some kind of idea though, if she moved so far away from him...

Answer 9

You're right, it's not fair and that's very kind of you to want to ease your father-in-law's pain and let him in on the adultery. But it seems like it's more of an issue for your husband to decide if he wants to approach since they are his parents. Talk to him about it and encourage him to be honest with his father. That's a tricky subject. Best of luck.

Answer 10

Regardless of the relationship you should keep your mouth shut. It really is none of your business. Maybe your father-in -law just isn't ready to accept the truth. And if you tell him he may lash out at you! Its best you keep out of it.
What does your husband think????