When a couple go to counseling how do you...?

Question

How do you talk to the therapist with out making your wife look like an idiot by accusing her of not doing the right thing by putting the marriage and your spouse first?

I am the one who is pushing for counceling. She is hesatant because she thinks I have the problem, but I think we both have our priorities out of wack. I want nothing more than to make this marriage work.

Answer 1

if you can't get time alone with the therapist to tell them how you feel, then say something like I feel ignored a lot because she ____________-. I have even warned my husband before saying something like that. I'll say somethings bothering me and I'm worried that if I don't say it right we'll fight about it. That gives me a few extra seconds to think about it carefully and it also gives him the chance to understand that I am not trying to attack him just to make sure my feelings are heard. Tell the therapist your fears and they will even guide you in how to talk to one another

Answer 2

If you are truly working on your marriage, you have to be honest in counseling. Just expect there to be hurt feelings on both sides but it's good to get it out. Because half the time you are wishing you could tell your mate exactly how you feel, but you can't so that is what a therapist is there for. If your feelings are strong, you two will get through it and it will help. Trust me because it worked for me and my husband.

Answer 3

Start sentences with an 'I'....
Instead of "She doesn't pay any attention to me when I come home", say "I sometimes feel ignored when I come home."
See the difference? One is blaming, the other isn't.

Quick question for you. Are you putting the marriage and your spouse first, or do you think she's the only one who is supposed to do that? If it's the latter, hop in a time machine and join the rest of us in the 21st century because it takes two to make a marriage work and only one to break it.

Answer 4

First of all men and women think differently, but that doesn't mean either way of thinking is wrong. Maybe each of you should see the counselor individually and if you have a good counselor he/she will be able to help you identify the problems and then you can work on finding some solutions together that you can both feel okay about.

Answer 5

you say what you gotta say - that's what the counseling is for!!! You let it all out and someone is there to help mediate so no knives are thrown. They teach you new ways of communicating so that you dont get divorced and can have a better relationship. sometimes you leave counseling feeling worse than when you went in cuz things are brought up that you thought were long over but still bothering your partner. Gotta say what you are thinking in there, no holding back!!

Answer 6

You should each have a chance to talk to the therapist alone. But aside from that, good communication is everything. Just let it all hang out. Hurt feelings mend, but broken relationships are harder to fix. That's what the therapist is there to help with.

Answer 7

Just pay the court fees. If that's what you need to do to protect your step daughter, then do it. If at a later time you kick him to the curb, ask the court for temporary custody of the girl if you know in your heart you can give her a stable environment to live in versus having her placed in foster care. Just keep note of what he owes you. Then if you divorce him later on, ask to be reimbursed. You are right about the job situation. He could be working in retail or working in landscaping or construction. Sounds to me that regardless of what he chooses in life, it will always be someone else's fault. So if you let him back in your home, give him 2 months to find a job or else he's out on his butt.

Answer 8

You just described exactly why marriage counseling is a complete waste of time and money. If you want/need therapy, I suggest individual therapy with a Phd or MD, not some marriage counseling jerk with a masters from an online clown college!

Answer 9

You have to be honest with your feelings or it is never going to work. You will probably both have individual session also then you can tell the counselor exactly how you feel.

Answer 10

just say what you feel. That way you are being honest and it's easier for the therapist to work with you.