I am sure people have gone to weddings only to find out down the road that the couple got divorced. What saddens me more than the divorce is how do two people who have passion and hope and dreams and romance and happiness while they are dating when they split up come to hate oneanother and are at eachothers throats. I was so grieved when my friend got divorced they seemed so be so in love and happy and thier marraige did not even last 6 years. I would have never thought in a million years her and her husband would ever divorce because they seemed so happy. How do a couple go from I do to I hate your guts? Why does this happen? I just find this so sad. This was on my mind so I thought I would post.
2007-08-03 09:02:12 · 15 answers · asked by encourager4God 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
People are usually on their best behavior and act their best, behave the way they think the other wants them too and does everything they can to win the person of their affection (boyfriend or girlfriend). Well, then they get married and guess what, people both men and women tend to stop doing all the stuff they did to get there. They stop flirting, stop doing those special things, stop paying so much attention to the other person, stop being as considerate. When all the things stop happening, then they start to let the bad traits show, grumpy, rude, inconsiderate behaviors are allowed to show and if the problem is not identified and corrected, it will slowly snowball into arguments, fights, anger and then it gets worse. Every couple goes through it, it is only the couples that see it for what it is and change that direction that make it back to happiness. I am sure if you as your friend what changed, she will tell you he was not the same man she married and how he changed. I see it all the time....
2007-08-03 09:45:24 · answer #1 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I suppose it is different for everyone. I had a long relationship before I met my husband. We were great together at the beggining, but I realized those things he did, or didn't do, that I thought I could handle (and hopefully change) started weighing down on me after a few years until it was the only thing I could focus on. I look back, and think how stupid could I have been to think I could live a lifetime without any compliments, live a life time with the constant disrespectful things he would say and do to me, or that I thought for a moment I could motivate a change in him. But, mostly, he just wasn't for me, I didn't love him and never did. There were times when I hated him but that blew over quickly.
I am sorry to hear about your friend and her husband. That is heart breaking and I hope they can reconcile and work things out for the better.
2007-08-03 16:13:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Too many couples look at marriage with rose colored glasses and the idealism of naive adolescents. They don't realize that there will be rough spots and accommodations to be made and don't think seriously about that "richer or poorer, in sickness and in health" part of the vows, as though they think none of that will ever really happen. Too many also go into the marriage without taking an honest look at each other or themselves and their goals and expecations.
I like this observation that I read somewhere once, maybe in Ann Landers' column:
"Men enter marriage hoping their wives will never change. Women enter marriage hoping their husbands will. Both are bound to be disappointed."
2007-08-03 16:41:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
at first all seems well in the world, the love the new marriage, the wonderful future, than after many years sometimes bad things do happen, beyond our control, and the marriage is over with. i believe most marriages end because one or the other partner lacks understanding. as what we understand will determine our destiny. we can really never know if we are marrying the right person, we can evaluate and second guess, weigh the pros's and con's, but we can never comprehend all of the factors involved. we can never know all of the answers because we live in a world limited by our senses.most marriages end due to a lack of god in their lives.
2007-08-03 16:44:42 · answer #4 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Chances are they do not hate each other. They are just too caught up in all of the problems they had, and rather than thinking deeper into what brought them together to begin with, they are focusing on the surface issues. That's why it's so important to try everything there is to save the marriage, rather than just quit. Unfortunately, both partners aren't always willing to do this. Such as counseling, usually one wants to go, but the other doesn't.
2007-08-03 16:38:46 · answer #5 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you- I was recently married and it is hard. People get married thinking it'll be great fun full of companionship- it is, but there are bumps in the road sometimes too. In love is fine, but you have to like, respect and tolerate also. Not everyone can do that. Also, people do change and sometimes not for the better. Keeping communication ope is the key I think.
2007-08-03 16:18:48 · answer #6 · answered by ali_007_007 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
From my experience, people tend to hide things, and try to trap another person in the beginning. They will give up certain things in their lives for others. Then, when times get rough, money is tight, or you have other issues cause stress, you start to resent the other person for what you gave up for them. You say to yourself, why did I do all this when this is all I get for it. Just like with a car that you have had for a few years needs work, you say to yourself, do I invest the money in this old car or just go buy a new one? It is the same instinct. It is easier to start over. Easier than working on the issues and the marriage.
2007-08-03 16:09:23 · answer #7 · answered by browneyedgirl 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I will be married for 7 years in October and last month he asked me for a divorce. I don't want the divorce and he does. It is very hard to talk to someone that you love that is hurting you and have to deal with him everyday because we have a child together. I don't hate him but at times I get very anger with him, because I want things to work out. And he doesn't want to work things out.
2007-08-03 16:17:43 · answer #8 · answered by Shell 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
The plain and simple truth to this question is this:
These two people didn't know each other as well as they thought that they did. They didn't take the time to explore all the different avenues of the other, but instead was hypnotized into believing that what they knew was everything to know.
2007-08-03 16:26:43 · answer #9 · answered by pappysgotitgoinon 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is hard and sometimes people change after marriage. The most problem is communication between man and woman.
2007-08-03 17:13:50 · answer #10 · answered by Marie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋