I have been with my wife for 8 years married for only 4 months. I recently admitted to cheating on her?

Question

7 years ago. This has ruined everything we have had together. She is devistated and she has the right. She has left me for several days then came back. One minute she is the great woman I married and then the next 3 days she is depressed. I try to help but she wants no part of me. I am afraid that this will kill my marriage. I only admitted to it because it finally was just to much to keep from the girl I love. We have a beautiful 4 year old little girl together. And I want to keep us a family. Help?

Answer 1

Smack yourself in the forehead to stupid selfish pig...2 times over.
First you cheated on her, that's selfish enough, but then you go and admit it?!?
Do you realize that's even more selfish?!? Sure you conscience is clear and YOU FEEL GREAT!, but now you've selfishly given her all these hurt feelings that she now has to deal with, all because YOU couldn't live with YOUR GUILT!
I'm sure she'll realize one day that she could of gone all her life not knowing, and lived happily ever after. Now you're the real jerk. Sleep peacefully with your clear conscience, while she lays awake at night with her heart breaking and tears welling. Shame on you.

Answer 2

Boy, did you open a can of worms.
Sometimes what we "don't" know, can't hurt us.

That was admirable that you wanted to confess, but now you will just have to deal with the consequences of your actions.

It might take a year or it might take 10.
You just have to decide if you are willing to wait it out.
She has to deal with this in her own good time.
She is going through many emotions right now and doesn't know what to do with all her emotions.
She will have to try to figure it out for herself.
There's really nothing you can do right now.
You are her slave right now for the next ??? years.
You will just have to deal with it and let her get it out, if she needs to.
You did the damage, You can't do the fixin.
I just hope for your sake that it's not true what they say:
What You Give, Is What You Get.
What Goes Around, Comes Around.

Or you just might be able to understand how she's feeling a little too well ;{

Answer 3

No offense, but after seven years of keeping it a secret wouldn't it have been easier on both of you to take it to the grave? This being said, if it only happened that one time all those years ago hopefully she can see that you learned from your mistake. It is all in her hands now....you can't control how she feels or how she is going to act. Give her time....hopefully she will realize that although you had a lapse in judgment you will not do it again. Infidelity is forgivable, despite what many people here on Answers are going to tell you.

Answer 4

Maybe counseling would help. Not sure. I recently found out my boyfriend/fiance had been cheating (chatting online with other girls, showing himself on webcam). Anyways, I'm very, very hurt over this. I can totally relate to how your wife feels. He didn't even physically cheat and I feel sad and depressed. All you can do is be honest and assure her you will never do this again and that you're very remorseful. If she is willing to work it out, it is going to take ALOT of work on your part to earn the trust back. Unfortunately, the only thing that will help is time. Good Luck.

Answer 5

I think you two can work it out in councelling. The thing I keep thinking is, it was before you were really committed. If you did it during year 2 then that is a little different, but since it was year one, I could forgive. You weren't married, after all.

Answer 6

WOW! I bet she is more devestated on how long it took you to admit this to her!! Her trust has been lost and it will be hard to regain it. The only thing you can do is wait. Wait because she is devestated, mad, sad, deppresed, that her now hubby cheated on her. It will not be easy, and she will be mad some days. Give her time and remind her how much you love her and that you never will do it again. She needs to regain the trust she lost, but you will need to help her trust you again. She obviously loves you because she came back to you, but remember, you cheated and she can forgive, but it will be hard to forget.
Like I said, give her time and assure her you will never do it again. Let her know how much you love her and your daughter. Tell her how much they mean to you and you dont want to loose them..

Wish you the best and pray for everything to work out. BEst Wishes = )

Answer 7

In a way, it is good that you were honest with her because it would've come out eventually. But you've hurt her.

Give her the space she needs. Her trust in you has vanished and it will take YOU to rebuild that trust back up. Don't push her. Give her room to breathe. Be gentle with her and let her know through actions how sorry you are and how important she is to you...

Answer 8

Too bad you had to ease your guilty conscience and hurt her at the same time. If you weren't going to do it again, you shouldn't have told her.

You are reaping the consequences of your sin now. Suck it up. Go to marriage counseling. She will have to go through the stages of grief, caused by realizing you are not who she thought you were.

Answer 9

Have you told her what you just wrote here? Only time, patience and consistency will save the day. But let her know those days are done forever (assuming they are) and that you're not going anywhere.

Answer 10

So in order to make yourself feel better by getting it off your chest you dumped all this **** on "the girl you love?" You don't cheat on people you love. Period.