about in laws?

Question

HI, ill make this as quick as possible but wanted some other parents advice.

My in laws and i have never gotten along no matter how hard i try...to give a quick example after my hubby asked me to marry him and told his family his sisters still kept up pics on their refriderators of him and his ex who they all like.
We have been married a year and have a baby girl (4months) and when we had her they decided they wanted to be nice to me.
Last night they invited us to a birthday dinner.......failed to tell us that it was ONLY for the girls in the family...so my hubby came (thank god)and the WORST part of all was they invited his EX to be there knowing very well that we will have nothing to do with her let alone be in the same room (she told his family a bunch of horrible lies about him she is seriously evil) So we got there and were completely blindsided.
My question...how am i supposed to get along with them? I AM SO ANGRY any one else have this problem? How did you deal with it

i meant to put this in the parenting section not pregnancy SORRY

Answer 1

Yur husband needs to step up and tell these crazy people that as long as they are going to act like this then you all can not be a part of their lives. AND, you/he have to be strong enough to stand by your words.

Make sure that they understand if they want to continue with this childish behavior, that they will miss the joys of seeing their granddaughter/niece grow up!

Answer 2

That is soooo disrespectful.
Personally I'd have turned around and walked right back out the door. It is your husbands family and it is up to him to set them straight. It seems pretty obvious to me that these people have no respect for your marriage or they wouldn't pull that kind of trick. That was just mean and nasty. I'd have nothing more to do with them.
I've been treated similarly by my husbands sister, she even tried to set him up on dates with friends of hers when I went on a working holiday to England. We weren't married at the time but were living together when I had the opportunity to go to England for 6 months. We were still a couple, it was just too good of an opportunity to give up and I had his full blessing to go.
This same sister also invited his ex-wife to a christmas party we attended one year. I was actually okay with it but my husband wasn't and we left after about 1/2 an hour, and his sister just couldn't understand why.
His Mother liked his ex-wife and she would do little subtle things which I thought were just plain ignorant. Even though we were a couple for years before getting married, and lived together she would give all her children and their partners a gift for both of them to enjoy. For her single sons she'd give them something different. Guess which gift my guy got?
I finally came to the conclusion that they are not worth my time and effort. I don't do the family stuff with his side anymore and life is sweet.

Answer 3

I went through the same problems with my in-laws when i was married. You do have an advantage over them now because of the baby. They should be trying to win you over. I think that you should ask your husband to talk with his mother and sisters. He should make sure they understand that not only does it bother him that she is there but that it bothers you even more. Make sure they understand that he is standing up for you on this matter. Good Luck!

Answer 4

Has your hubby said anything to them about this? If he has and they're still doing it then cut them out of your life. You don't need people like that around you anyway. I have a friend who has awful in laws like that as well and her hubby has said that they never have to go back to their house. It can be hard to do but they sound really mean and malicious. Take care.

Answer 5

OMG i am in a similar situation, i just hope it never gets to that.. seriously i would just cut them off pretty much completely.. they are mean.. i know how it is to deal with a bitchy ex gf, & that the family likes her better.. i am so happy he is with me, not her.. & your husband NEEDS to talk to them, thats what my bf did & told her ex gf to stop visiting his grandma & cousins, she would take them drinking! (they were only 14 & 15) just to see what they had to tell her about me & my bf.. she is such a bit.ch.. thank God she finally left us alone.. i wonder how she'll react when she finds out i'm pregnant & he is getting married.. to me!!! i am so happy.. but there are still some of his aunts who like her better & wish i wasnt pregnant!!

Anyways back to your problem, tell your hubbie to talk to his fammily & tell them that if they dont respect you as his wife he'll stop visiting & they wont see your baby anymore.. i hope that works!! Good Luck & God Bless!!

Answer 6

I did not have this same experience, but watched a Dr. Phil on this topic and his advice was that the husband needed to step up and tell his parents that he thought their actions were inappropriate and if they did not stop, then they would not be able to have family gatherings with them anymore.

Answer 7

Just keep every thing about surface topics, and don't talk to them otherwise.

Nothing says you have to love your In Laws like your own family. You don't even have to like them, but for the sake of your husband you should probably try to get along.

Answer 8

Well if it were me, I wouldn't put up with them at all. They would be NON existant in my life and my daughters. And how come your husband hasn't stood up to them and said "HEY do not disrespect my wife, and it is not fair to neither of us that you invite my ex. She is my ex and needs to stay that way!". If your husband doesn't want to stand up for you, then you have bigger problems. My mother in law doesn't want anything to do with me. She basically called me a *itch and said that I was stealing her son away. She never wanted to come to our new house we got. She didn't even come to our wedding and her excuse was, "They won't have the food I eat so I'm not going". Even after coming back from our wedding, she never said congrats, or sent us a card. To this day, four years later...We have a son who is two, fixin' to be three come Oct., and she has no clue about him. And I won't tell her. And neither will my husband. He's basically brushed her off because of how much she has disrespected both of us, and her constantly trying to discredit me. So no privilages for her! So, what I'm saying to you my cyber friend...Stay away from them. There is no need for you to suffer their spitefullness, or disrespectfullness! Shame on your husband for not standing up for you! If he hasn't already that is. If they want his ex in the family so bad, let them marry her! You guys just stay away from them. You don't deserve the aggrevation, or stress.
Best wishes to you..

Answer 9

i dont see why your hubby would even deal with them!
im sure they formed a bond with her while the 2 dated but its over and they should take his side, especially when she is makin stuff up. i would just refuse to go around them. you have your hubby and baby thats all the family you need. you dont have to deal with these people!

Answer 10

The thing is, you don't ave to get along with them. You can simply ignore them and try have have as little to do with them as possible. I know it sucks--my boyfriend's family hates me, especially now that I am pregnant with his baby.