Should stay-at-home mom expect help with her bills from fiance? Or is that asking too much?

Question

I am stay-at-home mom, NO income. My fiance (baby's father) agrees that it is best for me to be at home with our baby. I have not worked in a year, and have gone through all I had saved. He pays all the bills, rent, food, etc. We have a nice house and comfortable life. I have some bills every month that until now i have managed to pay on my own (insurance, phone, some others). Right now my account is overdrawn, and I am very depressed about money. I can't even go buy a candy bar on my own. Is it too much to ask him for help with my bills and some spending money (I am very frugal, not for expensive items.) He takes good care of us, and I am appreciative, but flat broke.

Answer 1

if you are staying home to take care of your (and his) child and you are flat broke at the same time, he is not taking good care of you. he should be covering all of your expenses.

Answer 2

You made the decision to be a stay at home mother. It didn't mean that your monthly expenses would go away or that he would help you to take care of your personal bills.

therefore a good plan should've been put in the place before you actually took on the role of being a stay at home mother.

I have just one question, why would you be a stay at home mother and not married to the man? He can leave at any time and you and your child would be out in the cold. Honey, it is time that you went back to work. Save up your money, invest your money in a 401K so atleast you can have money in your latter years of life. But don't sit home and not make money. Just because you are a stay at home mother, doesn't mean that you should solely depend on your partner to take care of you. Make your own money and let it grow. When you are comfortable then take the time off to be a stay at home mother.

Answer 3

I believe u are working while you are at home with the kids but you don't recieve pay.

I think he should halp you with you necessary bills and a few buck for expenses.

I can understand his point of view since he pays all the bill w/ no help from anyone.

Maybe you should find out how much childcare cost in your neighborhood and divide it in 2. What ever that is may be a reasonable allowence for you since it would be expected that if you worked u would pay for half the child care and he would pay for the rest.

That way he gets a fair amount and you do too.

Good luck. It's hard work being a stay at home mommie. I did it for a year. Ouch!

Answer 4

Here's are your choices.

1. Get a part time job.
2. Tell him if he wants you to stay home, he has to pay ALL the bills and tell him about the ones you have.
3. Even if you don't get a job outside the house, you have a right to some spending money. You should be able to go to the occasional lunch or "buy a candybar as you put it"

I wonder if he is controlling at all? Alot of times the man really isolates the woman to get his way. Beware that this is not happening.

Personally, I think you should get a little part time job to get yourself out of the house. You can have some adult time and still see friends and maintain a life of your own.

Good luck!

Answer 5

I was in a similar situation years ago though my children were in elementry school, I had to sit my "MESO' most significant other, down and explain that I needed to #1 have some living exspenses #2 help supliment his
income. He did not want me to go out to work so I advertised to 'do day-care' in our home. I actually stared a 'Moms Morning Out" and had a mini day care morning two mornings a week. I was fun.
The extra money was all mine and I felt better not having to depend on him for everything and I could pay for my personal things. It helped with my self asteem.
Explain to your honey that you appreciate his kindness and love the fact that he wants to take care of you both, that's very admirable, but you DO have needs too.... and it would make you feel better if you could earn a little bit of your own money while the baby is still so dependant on you.
Good luck.

Answer 6

This is just one of the reasons why people get married. It should be understood that you have access to the money that both of you earn by doing the jobs that you do. Yours is being" a stay at home mom", and his is" taking care of the three of you and receiving cash from his job". If you don't both have an understanding that the finances are an "ours" then you better plan to find a job outside the home. That uncomfortable feeling of being destitute, is your guardian angel telling you that something isn't right and you better level the playing field.

Answer 7

I could see him not turning over the magical joint debit card since he pays most of bills. And knows how much needed when. But certainly he should give you a monthly agreed upon "paycheck" since you no longer work. It usual is much less than what you use to make but it is the independance not $ amount that is important.

It is a sense of independance and freedom to be able to buy something for child, him, or you and not ask permission. Get this negotiated ASAP. Ideally, it was a question I approached with hubby before we even conceived. Also revisited before I turned in my resignation while preganat, but I am a b#@$^. LOL
Good Luck

Answer 8

Perhaps he could give you an allowance? He must realise you need something for yourself if you're at home and not earning? Or maybe after a year you could get a few hours a week somewhere for some pin money, it would probably be good for you to have some adult contact too, if you stay away from work for too long it gets very hard to get back to it, just 1 nite a week to fit round his job would make a difference to you and he won't be inclined to think you only want his money!!!

Answer 9

If you're staying home taking care of HIS child, his income is your income too. Sit down with him and discuss the finances. You're getting married, for god's sake. Why are you afraid to tackle this issue? It's not "his bills" and "your bills" anymore... these are your common bills, and they should be paid from a common account that both of you have access to. Don't ask him to "help with the bills" - ask him what your long-term solution is going to be for bills and finances. Set up a budget, and pay all the bills together.

Answer 10

Do not do anything from home without proper research, as some people here have suggested. I've read many articles about how much of a scam it is. The truth is, you have to work to earn money.
You need to ask him if he will help, if not you need to find a job to cover these expenses. If you cannot, perhaps you can do without some of these things -- why do you need two cars if you do not work for example? That probably depends on where you live, but if you live in the city, I don't see the big deal.
I encourage people to work some just so they don't depend on others and are able to build an identity that is seperate from just motherhood. Please consider it.

Answer 11

When we were little girls, our mom read us Cinderalla story and we dreamt of the day when Prince Charming would come along so we can live happily ever after.
Now that we are older and wiser, we understand that technically, Cinderalla and the Prince married after only one date (the Royal Ball), and it's possible that when he went roaming the kingdom with her lost slipper, he was just avoiding his parents who kept bugging him about getting married, and the money they spent on the Royal Ball, while all he did was ignore the true princesses and dance with some moron who could not even keep track of her shoes.
When he found her, (the shoe fit, he proposed) the story ends there, "and they lived happily ever after".
We don't know what happened when she moved into the palace, if they had kids, if she got along with her inlaws, and if she did not use the glass slipper to bash Prince Charming in the head and slit her wrists.
Where I am going with this theaory is simply this:
If you throw reality out the door it will come crashing through the window. Face your issues with clarity, because fairy tails are for kids and air heads.
You are running a household, you need to also get your hands on finances. how come you do not have a joined account where he deposits his paychecks and you have access to?
Make sure he knows that finances are an issue to be addressed and solved, and tell him that you will stick the kid in day care and seek employment outside the house, unless he gives you total access to finances when you need it.