I have been with my spouse for 7yrs and just yesterday we were talking and he told me that he loved me but that he wasn't in love with me. Which I know the difference but I just want to know if I am just wasting my time/life with him?? I just feel like we have been together for so long just to let it go down the drain. And I in the other hand am in love with him so I just don't know what to do. Any suggestions?
2007-08-03 05:58:38 · 18 answers · asked by ? 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have told him serveral times that I would leave bc I know this is an isn't a healthy marriage but he refuses for me to do that. So that makes me believe that there is some kind of hope. But than he doesn't give me that security that he wants to make things work. For example he doesn't tell me he loves me anymore, he won't kiss me or hug me. So should I leave now or stick around more?
2007-08-03 06:15:10 · update #1
well...i told that to my ex-husband..what that means is he don't want u any more...he can not still want to be with u and not be in love with u anymore....that just don't work..my advice to u is to move out and go on with your life...wait a while and then find someone that will love u and be in love with u...GOOD LUCK......
2007-08-03 06:15:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you ask him, what was his point in telling you that he was no longer "in love" with you? There is NO WAY that ANY relationship can sustain the high intensity of lust that it did when it was new. ALL relationships become routine. This is not a bad thing. It doesn't mean you throw it down the tubes, but many (men) don't realize that a normal relationship progresses like this and they are ready to dump it at the first sign of routine. If you feel your husband is too immature and is the type that will dump you when he feels a little bored, then you need to take steps to protect yourself or have a back-up plan. I'm not so sure that it's a wise idea to be married to a person who bores so easily.
2007-08-03 13:07:17 · answer #2 · answered by Sondra 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I fell in love with my now husband the first day I met him. He on the other hand didn't love me. I stalked him (I know, I had issues) for 3 months (we were in business college together) and we finally went out. After about 6 months of dating, he did fall in love with me and now we will be celebrating our 3rd wedding annvi. on the 30th.
Ok, that was my story and I know that it didn't help much so let me give you a little advice:
You can't force anyone to be in love with you and if there isn't mutual love what do you have? A one sided relationship!
Look into your heart and decide if this is how you want to spend the rest of your life. You're not going to get all the right answers here, but you can get the right answer if you listen to your heart and soul!
2007-08-03 13:12:52 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a very hurtful thing to hear from your husband. I would start accepting the fact they you may be heading for a divorce sometime soon. To not be hugged or kissed is a very lonely feeling and shouldn't be tolerated. You are in a tough spot. 7 years is a long time, but if there are no children involved, I would start proceedings. Best wishes.
2007-08-03 13:22:33 · answer #4 · answered by diamondbullet66 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps what he was saying is that he doesn't feel the same way as he did when you were first married.. Love evolves... It isn't always the same. Celebrate what brought you together in the first place. What did he love about you? What did you enjoy doing together..(Not just sex) He needs to feel love, and you do too. Spend some time away together. Just you two listening, and holding each other. TALK to each other!
Don't give up...Too many do to quickly.
2007-08-03 13:05:27 · answer #5 · answered by Thomas R 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take a breath and think.
What is "In Love"?
What is "to love"?
Isn't being "In love" only loving the good you see in the other person and dreaming of a perfect world together?
Isn't "loving" accepting the good and bad. Accepting them completely.
The more time you spend with someone the more you get to know them and the more you are able to accept them for who they truly are.
Many couple have a hard during this transition from "in love" to "loving", but I promise you the warm blanket feeling of loving has a depth that the passion of in love can never have.
Try just being happy and sharing your happiness and see what happens.
2007-08-03 14:38:55 · answer #6 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, a marriage counselor once told me that when someone says that they are not saying they don't love you. They are saying they are not excited about you anymore. Just be specific when you talk to him. Ask him if he wants to be with you. Ask him what it is that made him feel that way. Get counseling. Try to spice things up. Take a vacation together. Try to fall back in love if that's what you guys decide to do.
2007-08-03 13:04:29 · answer #7 · answered by Meichelle 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Life is too short to spend with someone who isn't sure of their feelings for you. Do you want to spend another 7 years in a relationship that is just convenient? When someone says something like that they are playing emotional games. Thoughs lead to words and words lead to actions. Maybe spend some time apart and see what happens.
2007-08-03 13:16:06 · answer #8 · answered by muffin 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask him to explain what does it mean to him, and what he feels are the implications.
I, for one, am not really sure what this statement might REALLY mean. Did he mean to say that he loves you, but is no longer infatuated with you the way he used to be for the first year or two? Well, it would be strange if after 7 years he felt the same intense emotions that he did when you guys first met. You say you "know" the difference - but can you explain it? Ask him to verbalize what he's thinking.
2007-08-03 13:04:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bless your heart, I know that this situation is hurting you so much. People on this site are not qualified to help you because it will take time and someone who knows how to direct you. Please see a certified Christian counselor even if you go alone. They can either help you work things out or move on. There is hope for both of you in this marriage. I will pray for both of you.
2007-08-03 13:34:54 · answer #10 · answered by 4HIM- Christians love 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋