He said he would never go to a strip club, but he did?!?

Question

Okay so heres whats going on. My live in boyfriend(lived together for 2 1/2yrs) is out of state for is job(he's in the air force) This morning he calls me while i am getting ready for work and says "Babe, i just need to tell you something, i dont want to keep anything from you. I went to a strip club last night"
WTF?! He told me he'd never go to one because it is beyond agenst my morals. He said he was sorry and that he'd never go again. His friends were in town and they wanted to go. I dont think it makes it any less wrong of him.

Soo.. the question is.. Should i forgive him and try to work things out? Or leave him and try to move on with out someone who i really love?

I don't even know what to think right now. I guess im just really hurting :/ thanks for your help!

Answer 1

Sound like an honest man.You need to take that into account. I would also say if your morals are so high, why do you have a live in boyfriend. Sounds like you should be married first.

Answer 2

You've lived with him for 2 1/2 years--is this really something you would leave him over? If it is, then you have probably wanted to leave him for a while and have been waiting for an excuse.

He went to a strip club even though he is against them morally. Obviously he caved to peer pressure--or just wanted to spend time with friends he doesn't see much (I assume, since they are from out of town). The fact that he called you the next day is a sign that he loves and respects you. He knew it would upset you, but he wanted to be honest. He could've chosen not to.

This doesn't sound like he was trying to hurt you; he just wanted to be with his friends. They are the ones with the issues here. You bf probably even told them he'd rather not go. Just talk to him, tell him how you feel and that you appreciate his honesty. I bet he won't step foot into a strip club again ... because he respects you and because he respects himself.

Answer 3

Honestly there could be worst things he can do. But if he only went to a strip club which doesnt allow male touching female does it really seem that big of a deal? I wouldnt go myself but give into account that a group of guys are going to do things they normally wouldnt. Think of it this way if your bf was walking down the street and seen a pretty lady, or go to a strip club he would have better luck getting anything on the street. And give him a break bc he is serving and protecting this nation and if that is the worst thing hes done is look then I think you need to forgive him.

Answer 4

I would try to work it out. He was honest and told you right away that he did it. I don't personally think it is something worth throwing away a relationship over. I have been to a strip club, and while there are dancers on stage, there are other things to do there as well. I honestly didn't spend much of my time watching the girl on stage, I spent more time talking with friends, shooting pool, listening to the music, and having a couple drinks.

I understand your strong feelings of being against it, and he really should have been more considerate, and suggested going somewhere besides a strip club.

Please, don't take this as something against you. It was probably something more along the lines of peer pressure(yes, it does happen as an adult!)

Hope you are ok, and able to get thru this.

Answer 5

For going to a strip club? I dont know what your hang up is with a strip club but the women in those clubs by and large only take their clothes off. Just like every walk of life there are exceptions to everything. All the clubs I have worked in you had a better chance of getting on stage then you did of getting any. So I wouldnt think he had anything to be forgiven for especially since he told you and he didnt have to do that

Answer 6

There's a deeper issue here, and as much as you'd like to it think that it's about your morals, it's not. As much as you'd like to believe your boyfriend hurt you, he didn't.

I'm sure you also disapprove of your boyfriend looking at Playboy magazine, oogling bikini clad girls at the beach, etc, etc. The bottomline is.....this is your problem, not his! You are narcisistic and are pissed off at two things. One, that he would dare look at another woman other than you, and two, the fact that you can't control or change his desire to look at other woman.

When a guy goes to a strip club or looks at porn, he is simply just fueling a fantasy and satisfying his natural voyeristic desires. Can it become a slippery slope that leads to sleeping with other women? Most guys no, but for some guys yes. But, you can tell those type of guys a mile away, because they are always at a strip club or constantly looking at porn and staring at other women. Their problem is very visible. Regardless, there's nothing you can do about a freak like that anyway, other than to leave him.

The truth of the matter is that you will never be able to change your boyfriend's normal desire to occasionally look at other women. He is a man, men are biologically wired to be voyeristic. Even if he swears to never go to a strip club again, I promise you he will someday, and next time he won't be so forthcomming about it. It is absolutley ridiculous that you would be so self-centered to leave your boyfriend because he visited a strip club, one time.

Suffice to say, as long as he's not some complusive freak who's going to strip clubs and looking at porn all the time, let it go. If he happens to wonder into a strip club with the guys once in a blue moon, that's OK. Better that, then him visiting a hooker. If you can't deal, then you need some counseling, because, you will not find a man who is willing or capable of supressing his natural voyeristic nature just for wonderful you.

Answer 7

Tall Girl he had feeling of guilt and didn't want to keep anything from you as he would and probably does as we speak feel guilty about going to this adult entertainment establishment. However, quit often this is a choice that guys make when they get together with friends who enjoy such places. As far as moving on and finding someone who you really love, it sounds like you must be in love with this fella as you have not stated otherwise. He made a poor life choice but confessed to you as soon as he can so please do attempt to work things out with him as you do have a 2.5 year relationship and if this is the worst thing that he has done, Christ give the guy a bit of break. Be grateful that he is so honest with you in your relationship and not a regular at these clubs. Best of luck.

Answer 8

Get hurt...cry...scream...imagine you're beating him up. THINK STRAIGHT!!! Forgive him. Forgive him. FORGIVE HIM GIRL!!! Why? C'mon...be honest...would you reconsider his loyalty had he kept it from you any longer or not have told you at all? The feeling would be worse. Don't hate him for it...I mean just hate him for a moment but I think he was sweet enough to admit what he did...that means he feels bad about it and doesn't want to keep it from you. Tell him that you're glad he told you...but that you really hope it doesn't happen again. Don't make it about you because that is kinda selfish. Just say that you hope it doesn't happen again because you don't think that for him to lie about never going in the first place just makes him a talker rather than a doer. Show in some way that you appreciate his honesty. Because believe me...if you throw the horns on this...he probably will try to hide things from you...I REALLY HOPE THIS WORKS FOR YOU!!!....just think straight....drink a lot of energy drinks...lol.

Answer 9

i personally would rather have my husband go to a strip club with his buddies than a dance or nightclub with the guys. first of all, in a strip club, there are a lot of different types of girls, and a lot of them are not really all that. they are obviously comfortable enough with their bodies to dance around naked, but that is about it. most of them have rules about the guys touching them, and chances of your guy picking up on one are virtually nonexistent. they do not want your man. they want his money.

at a regular club, though, packed with other women who probably are looking for someone, and to me, that is much scarier.

i am not going to insult you about having selective morals because it is not my job to preach to you, and bottom line, you're okay with what you're okay with and you and your bf should have a say about what is and what is not acceptable to you as a couple. guys are easily swayed by their friends and i personally don't think this should be a deal breaker.

i think it is so awesome that he told you, you would have never known if he didn't. don't let your reaction teach him that he can't tell you the truth about something.

good luck!

Answer 10

I know how you feel I HATE strip clubs but at least he didn't get drunk and sleep with anyone so it could be worse but I know how you feel i hate them and also think its wrong but let him know how wrong you think it is again and tell him it hurt you and try to move past it of you really care for the guy I think he will get the picture and not do it again sorry and good luck

Answer 11

Okay let me lay this out for you. Stuff happens and eventually he was going to do something that would get to you. Everyguy wants to go to a strip club at least once to see what it was like, and it is usually with their friends.

That, to me, would be a stupid reason to dump a guy if he makes you happy otherwise.

You guys have been together for 2 1/2 years, you have nothing to worry about. I would stay with him, he said he was sorry. I would forgive him and just learn to pick my battles and stuff.