My husband and I have been married for a year now. We have been together for a total of 5 years. A few months ago we tried having a baby. I got pregnant and lossed the baby at 6 weeks. I had a lot of test run and I am in good health. I went to the doctor, did and exam and was told I was ready to start trying again. I told my husband and he said NO that he does not want kids for a few years now. I was so devastated. I try talking to him about it. He said that he wanted a 4 wheeler and new shead. So we went out and got a new 4-wheeler and new shead and he still does not want to try again. I don't understand. I am a very good wife why doesn't he want kids with me now? Please Help!
2007-08-03 05:31:44 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Trying to Conceive
It's possible that after he agreed to try to have a baby and you did get pregnant, he realized how scared he was and maybe felt he wasn't ready to take care of the child. After the miscarriage he maybe felt that you two should wait a few more years to have children until he was ready. My husband was the same way. He is such a planner and was so nervous to start having a family because of the never-ending responsibilities it takes to have a child. We waited 5 years before we got pregnant until I finally pushed the issue to him that I would like to have children before either one of us were 30. I explained him that we were both going to always be afraid and that it was normal to feel that way. I also explained to him that when we retired that we could have our children already out of the house and making a life for themselves. These were things he never thought of before and told me that he never looked at it that way. We are now having our 1st baby in less than 2 weeks...trust me, we are both scared of the unexpected, but so excited about our little bundle!....Just talk to him and let him know that it's scary to have a baby and there's never a "perfect" time and there will "always" be a reason to postpone. Good Luck!
2007-08-03 05:47:03 · answer #1 · answered by Hannah's Mama 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband may be scared and not want to admit it. The loss of a baby can afect them too, but where you have a support group of family and friends to talk to and can find other women who've been through it to help you along the guy is just expected to cowboy up and get overit.
he may be feelling a deep sense of loss or even guilt that maybe he did something that hurt you and caused the miscarriage.
He may be worried about what antother loss could do to you physically or emotionally.
Just because your body is healed physically doesn't mean that you or he is healed emotionally.
give it a rest for a little bit, have some good long heart to hearts, and let time do it's business of healing all wounds.
In the mean time find ways to express your concern and to let him know that you are still interested and don't blame him.
got friends with small kids? invite them over..... often !
Know somebody who just had a baby. offer to baby sit so they can have a night out alone.. The new parents will thatnk you and your husband gets a chance to see how happy you are holding the little one.
Most of all be patient. don't rush or try to get preg. without his knowing thinking he'll be happy about it once he gets used to the idea. he might get over it, or he might just harbor a lifelong resentment towards you and the child for forcing him into a situation he wasn't ready for.
2007-08-03 05:51:38 · answer #2 · answered by Twila G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may still be greiving for the loss of the other one; or worried about you. Sit down with and and ask him what has changed BESIDES the miscarriage.
My husband wanted to put off children too until I pointed out that he'll be 30 next year and he said he wanted to be a dad before then, or at least shortly after. Turns out it's not money that was his issue, it's that he's afraif of losing his freedom. Men are funny creatures, but you just have to have a heart to heart with him and tell him you are ready to try again, and that everything will be fine. Good luck hun.
2007-08-03 05:43:55 · answer #3 · answered by ♥Mommy to 3 year old Jacob and baby on the way♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats how my husband is..we have been married for a year and we have only been trying for 2 months and now i guess he wants to buy all this stuff first..well im not gonna stop trying lol..
2007-08-03 06:21:53 · answer #4 · answered by mammatobeDec2008! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just keep trying and talking with him.
My husband was the same way until i had our son.
2007-08-03 05:36:38 · answer #5 · answered by amosunknown 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust me they also want more toys---we have 3 kids---and he just got a new kayak
2007-08-03 05:35:54 · answer #6 · answered by Lisa S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋