6 months ago I wanted to get married. Now I don't ...?

Question

I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year, and we have lived together for 9 months. I thought I found the person I wanted to be with for the rest of my life, but now I don't know. He treats me very well, as well as my 8 year old daughter, who looks to him as a father. However, I've seen some behavior of his that I don't want to be stuck with for the rest of my life! He can be extremely jealous, to the point of looking through my phone and getting upset about messages from my (female) friends. Also, when we go out together and drink, he can get really crazy. One night, he kept thinking I was sneaking off and was following me around acting real ugly. The bouncer threw him out. Then at home he got pissed and threw a beer bottle at my glass table, shattering the bottle. 3 months later, he came home after going out with his friends and threw me around, pushed me on the ground, pulled my hair, and threatened to hit me "in my ******* face". I know he has hit his son's mom befo

He has hit his son's mom before. Now my feelings have changed. Is it worth salvaging this relationship, even with the threat of physical violence? I have never had someone treat me so good otherwise. Are my feelings capable of changing? If they don't, I know it's not fair to either of us to continue this...

Answer 1

Time to get the ***** out of there

Answer 2

Honey get out now why you still can and it's not going to cost you as much!! Both money & wasted time!! You don't want to raise your daughter in a household where your walking on egg shells wondering what's going to set him off next!! My sister is in the same situation but she was stupid enough to marry him . He checks her voice mail all the time from his phone why she's at work! Let all your family & friends know that he is checking your voicemail so they don't leave anything that will set him off!! I would also clear out your computer if your at home of any websites that you have been to *like this one don't want him seeing this question* Go to tools at top of your page down to internet options, browsing history ,click delete and then click history that way all the places you have went to is erased. Now this will also erase when you re-visit a page you will have to re-sign in etc.... Ok Now go with your gut and get out!!! Good Luck!!

Answer 3

The next train departing from paltform one is for the coastal area. It is shameful for me to say this..you need to get out of there right this very moment - no ifs no buts just pack a bag and go - if you are too scared to do this then get some of your girlfriends to help out whilst he's at work - move out and don't ever look back. Close all acocunts of you ever being there - this is not the healthiest place to be in - especially for lil uns. Think of yourself and that is half the battle - the other is your kids.

Answer 4

You have the combination of 2 relationships I went through. 1 I got married not listening to what I really wanted in my heart, 2 I was involved in trying to make it work with a man who was jealous of me going out grocery shopping with my mom.
You have a daughter, she is your primary reason to choose a man now. Whatever you allow in your life, will be in hers and she has lots to grow so be careful of the influences she will have close. If you don't want to get married, then don't. By what you mention, the guy has issues and I wouldn't even let it go even farther to be sure of not getting married. Aggressiveness is something you should look out for and it will only get worse in time. If he is able to hit his mom, don't think twice. The man has issues. Honestly you don't even want that for your life, can you picture the rest of your years, bringing up your daughter with this type of stories?
Leave now! Don't wait till you get prego or go in deeper. The sooner you go, the better.
It will not get better, but worse. Don't fall for the promises he will change! It will only be temporal

Answer 5

Princess B, sounds like you are making a wise choice by questioning your relationship with this fella. If he has shown abuse to you pre-marriage then you can be assured that it will only increase post-marriage. If you believe that counselling may help then it may be worthwhile invesigating this but by what you have explained I would suggest getting out of this relationship as soon as possible. Then take some time before getting into another relationship. When you are ready go out and find a man who will treat you with the love, respect and happiness that we are all entitled to. Best of luck to you and your daughter.

Answer 6

You are being drawn in. You get the hot - cold treatment. When he's good, he is real good. When he's bad, you get hurt. Get out of this relationship now. Unless you move out, change your numbers and make sure no one tells him where you are, he'll chase after you a long while. It won't be for love but because you are not supposed to reject him. Seriously, this will only get worse. Never better. You will not change him. Nothing you say or do will make him realize that he can't treat you that way.

Answer 7

I don't care how good he is too you, been there done that, hen there good, there good, and when there bad oh boy there bad. Soon it is gonna that they bad out ways the good, and there will be less and less of good about him. He is abusive you need to protect yourself and your daughter, that is no way for you to live. What would you tell your daughter to do if she was with a guy your describing? You would tell her to leave him right,, why should it be any different for you. Don't let her grow up thinking it is ok for a guy to hit a girl cause its not.

Answer 8

You do not need to be with this man. Even if he is sweet to you, it isn't worth it in the long run. If he does those things to your now and then threatens to hit you in the face, plus he beat someone in his past relationship, what do you think will happen if you marry him. Don't only think of what will happen to you, but think of this: you will end up putting your daughter through watching him beat you, and what if he started beating her? Don't marry this man. Get him out of your life asap!

Answer 9

Go with your gut instinct on this one. Losing your desire to marry this guy is your body's way of telling you something isn't right. Any man who has a history of violence SHOULD NOT be around small children. Staying with this person, married or not, could be putting you and your child at serious risk of bodily harm. With jealous, voilent tendencies, and anger issues, it is in the best interest of you and your child to get away from this man.

Answer 10

You should never stay where your not happy. He is controlling you he treats you nice so you will stay and then treats you bad a man who hits or pushes women around is not a man but a bully. You have your daughter to think about he may hit her even if he doesn't but the violence towards you worsens you daughter should never see anybody hit her mum.
I say leave before it get worse think about you daughter before your relationship.
Good luck.

Answer 11

Being that this guy has a history of physical violence, I would go to a public place and break it off. Doing it in the privacy of your home could only lead to him being violent with you.

Also, while you are out breaking it off with this guy, have some of your friends go to your place and move out your stuff. I just have this feeling that if you move out later with him there, it's only going to lead to trouble. If you absolutly have no friends that can help you, then pick a date where you can get your stuff, but you need to call the cops and let them know that this guy has been violent in the past and you just need to move your stuff out. They can "supervise" and make sure that you are safe.

One other thing, you should let everyone know where you work that you've broken it off in the event that he shows up at your work and starts to start trouble.

Good luck.