How do you like this little piece I wrote titled "Compilations of Time" ?

Question

Mark, carefully lie on the hospital bed knowing that I am at his side writing his "Journal of Life"(as he called it).
He has had a series of operations (this being the last) with the hopes of curing his fatal disease. None of them panned out; and now, fully aware of his foreboding death, wanted to share himself by immortalizing some of his passing words.
Again his tearing eyes opened as he started to whisper... "In our travels through life, we must retain our loyalty and trust with the people that we know and love... for it is all that we have to cherish on the voyage to each of our own destinies. "
Mark faded off again at the final stoke of my pen.

So many perspectives, at so many different times. The finished product should be (say the least) quite profound. Once again Mark stirred,
but this time he did not wake up;
instead rolled to his side
with a slight smile on his face.

by Stan a.k.a. Captain Mozar

Answer 1

Beautiful words, with feeling.
There are only a "few" grammatical changes to be made, if you were to publish it. I don't feel that I should be the one.
Sounds like a great beginning for a book.
Hope you continue and finish the Journal. You could use flashbacks to further enlighten the reader on Mark's life that led up to your beginning.

Add more descriptions, his appearance, previously and now, surroundings, etc.

You go guy.

Answer 2

beautiful. keep writing.