Yesterday afternoon, a helicopter carrying 4 crashed into the mountain near Kachees Lake, in Washington. My mother is camping by herself, only 15 miles away, at Salmon Le Sac. There is no cell service there. The crash started a forest fire, and consumed 40 acres, as of last night (350 acres now). I was worried about my mom, and called my husband while he was at work. His response was "wow, that's not good." and that was it. No offers of support, no calming statements, and the tone of his voice was monotone. I was on pins and needles until after midnight. I contacted the fire department out there, and gave them her site information, and they went looking for her. All is fine, but I was still in a state of panick for half a dozen hours.
I got the impression from my husband, that he didn't see it as a big deal. How would you have reacted to the news, and what would you have done to calm me and reassure me that she was ok?
2007-08-03 05:11:56 · 16 answers · asked by ? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I wouldn't be suprised if it went in one ear and out the other. He works as a railroader, and they were sitting at a siding, waiting for their train to get the green light. He was also probably eating his lunch. But yes, I think he lacks in compassion. Unfortunately. Or maybe he just doesn't know how to give compassion.
2007-08-03 05:19:16 · update #1
Men are generally not good at offering support or calming statements. The male brain is (in western society) trained to solve problems. You presented him with a problem that he could not offer immediate solutions, actions, etc. His montone voice was possibly in reaction to your panicky tones, and was, in fact, an attempt to calm you.
Not knowing either one of you, what kind of work your husband was involved with at the moment, I cannot tell if you have communication problems in your marriage. Calling to let him know the situation was great. Call a girl friend if you want support and soothing.
2007-08-03 05:18:03 · answer #1 · answered by Ella P 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You forget that men are not like women and his response was typical. My husband is the same way and I realize now, after 15 years of marriage, that he will never change. Men can only handle one task, one emotion at a time. Women are born multitaskers and can do, think and feel many things all at once. You called him at work and probably caught him at a time when he was busy with something else and could not switch mental gears. You could have asked him to come home if it was possible. He could have then had some time to switch that gear and focus on you. I wasted too much time being angry and upset over stuff like this. Instead, think about what he DOES or has done for you, the kids. He goes out to work everyday to support you doesn't he? He works on your car, around the house, right? Focus on the positive.
2007-08-03 12:26:19 · answer #2 · answered by me 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am a husdband and I would do the same but just ask is she ok? but Keep in mind that is YOUR mom. You are more attached to her and you have the nervs going nuts while he doesnt. If he was a little more compasionate he would of maybe tried to atleast ask you how you are doing and re assure you that she would come home because she would see the fire and start heading home or something. Hard to tell because how busy was he at work? sometimes you cant be on the phone or stressed out.
2007-08-03 12:15:47 · answer #3 · answered by Dareus 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What exactly did you expect him to do? He's stuck at work, and you're hysterical. Two cases of hysteria isn't going to find your mother any faster. The statement "wow, that's not good." was true! It's wasn't a good situation. Cut him some slack, though. How can he assure you that's she's o.k., when he DOESN'T KNOW!!
2007-08-03 12:42:32 · answer #4 · answered by Tiss 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he just didn't knwo WHAT to say. Some guys have a hard time with words. Others just don't want to get into too much detail about their personal life at work.
Just tell him how you felt by his reaction.
2007-08-03 12:59:06 · answer #5 · answered by Roland'sMommy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its hi mother in law. Her dying a horrible death isn't a bad thing to him. Though he should have enough sense to pretend to care.
Also, 15 miles is pretty darn far. 350 acres isn't as big as it sounds. So, your mom was safe. So it wasn't a big deal.
2007-08-03 12:18:04 · answer #6 · answered by brinntache 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Maybe he doesn't like your mother. He should have been more in touch with your feelings, BUT, I know if my husband called and said his mum was in danger, a BIG part of me would be secretly HAPPY. Sorry, just being real!
2007-08-03 12:18:06 · answer #7 · answered by AsianPersuasion :) 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Since he was at work, he probably wasn't really listening or paying attention to what you said. It went in one ear and out the other.
2007-08-03 12:14:53 · answer #8 · answered by Perfectly flawed. 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think maybe he didn't want to worry you more than you already were. Don't read into it. You are upset right now because you are worried. You are not thinking clearly, let it go and focus more on finding your mom right now. I seriously think he didn't want to add to your grief.
2007-08-03 12:33:18 · answer #9 · answered by Nickname123 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That kind of reaction to that event may have been a shock to him and left him almost speechless. I would not have taken his action as a negative thing.
I know it was hard on you, but you should let it go.
2007-08-03 12:19:52 · answer #10 · answered by Aliz 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋