Is fantasizing about a woman considered to be cheating?

Question

This has happened a couple of times where you feel so attracted to someone, and you can feel the same back. Have never had the affair...just done a lot of complete fatasizing. Even dreamed about this person and felt guilty the next morning...Thats how real it felt.

Answer 1

In any moral argument, the person who succeeds in defining the terms, wins. Once you get another to accept your definition, you will inevitably force them to accept your conclusion. Cheating can be defined any way you like.

My ex wife thought it was "cheating" for me to have any female friends. Any thought or feeling I had, innocuous or not, should be shared only with her. Literally anything shared with any other female was "cheating" to her.

The Old Testament law defined cheating as adultery (the physical act of intercourse). That was the black and white standard set by the old Levitical law, though the Jewish religion added much, much more over time.

The New Testament gives a reference from Y'eshua (Jesus) stating that if a man looks at a woman with lust then he's already committed adultery with her in his heart. However, Y'eshua often gave insights into the harshness of Levitical law versus the concept of love. Many of his teachings were designed to contrast the old standard with the new standard he was trying to espouse. Christians assert Y'eshua's death fulfilled the Law, and made it of no effect. Since the Law still applied whenever he spoke (he wasn't crucified yet), its often difficult to interpret if what he said applied then, or would apply now. (It's interesting to note that when presented with an open homosexual relationship between the Centurion and his "beloved servant", Y'eshua had no criticism... just praise for the Centurion's faith. It's also interesting to note how he preached against marriage).

In modern society we are governed by contract. Any relationship, including marriage, is essential a contract between two people, often with most of the terms unspecified.
Imagine a contract where chickens were to be delivered "soon". What does soon mean? Today, tomorrow, next year? If you're waiting for goods to be shipped from China, "soon" would be about three weeks. If you're waiting for someone to pick you up from work, "soon" is measured in minutes.
What does "chicken" mean? Baby chicks? Roosters? Old, worn-out hens? Young friers? It's not an egg, even though the potential for a chicken is there. Everyone knows what a chicken is, until you start actually being specific.

I'm not aware of a single adult male who has not fantasized about another woman, no matter how fulfilling his existing relationship is. This being true, what woman should rationally believe her guy won't? What rational man would submit to a relationship so narrow, and so controlling, that he's not even permitted to think of anyone else?

Get a grip. Quit moralizing yourself into guilt. At the very worst, your fantasy is an egg. No way it's ripened into any kind of chicken.

Answer 2

If you would feel ashamed if your wife could see into your mind, then you're wrong to do it. I'm not religious, but shouldn't you try to keep your thoughts of lovemaking on the person you have vowed to love and no other? It's not about a religion, it's about ethics and morals.
You may enjoy that someone is beautiful, has a terrific personality, whatever. But you don't need to wack off to the thought of them. You should keep your thoughts in perspective. Not only would your wife be appalled, but probably the girl you were using during your fantasy would be appalled too. Probably neither one of them would authorize such thoughts, if asked first. Ever think of that?
What if your wife was masturbating to thoughts of your male friends and coworkers? I bet it would make you insecure, and probably create a problem with trust in your relationship.
Just because nobody can see what you are thinking, doesn't mean that you can think anything in this world and that it is morally right to do so. I'm no prude, but I know your wife wouldn't like you wacking off to the thought of her friends, your neighbors, etc. I don't know why some people believe that this is acceptable, but I'm not one of them, and I am never going to be in their camp.
I think you can have fantasies, but they need to be about SCENARIOS, NOT PEOPLE IN PARTICULAR.
One is offensive, the other is not.
There's a fine line between intellectual man and ape, draw that line please.
One more thought. If you entertain these fantasies, look what happens...they do affect your brain in ways that you can't control, an example being that dream while you were asleep. Now we all have dreams that we can't control, but they are symbolic sometimes, not necessarily lust, and there's a message in the dream besides "I think she's hot". Dreams are more complicated than simple lust usually, so I wouldn't feel bad about them. But I do think entertaining lust everytime the opportunity arises will affect your thoughts. You'll do things like stare at women, talk funny around women you have fantasized about, and believe me, your wife will clue in to these things, and she is not going to be happy.
There are beautiful people everywhere. Don't be shallow, think of people in terms of their humanity, not their sexuality. It's the wrong way to think about people. It disregards their right to be thought of as a person, and turns that into being an object.

Answer 3

Some people say if you've done it in your mind/heart then you have done it b/c the thought was there. Some people say it is in your actual action. It all depends on your value system and how you were raised as to what you think. You are obviously feeling guilty about it because you are asking this question. I think you already know the answer to it in your mind, and you just want to see what other people's thoughts are. If you are fantasizing about someone else the you are lacking something important in your relationship. Try to find out what that is and get it back. Good luck.

Answer 4

No I don't think this is cheating. You are human just like everyone else. I think the old rule "You can look but don't touch" is very true. You are married but that doesn't mean there aren't going to be women you find attractive and who find you attractive. As long as you remain committed to your wife and don't act on your fantasies. I think the fact that you are worried about it is rather sweet...it shows that you WANT to stay committed and don't want to do anything do jeopardize your marriage. Good for you!

Answer 5

Its our choices that determine our character not our thoughts or words. Ours minds are free to question the universe and create fantasy worlds. Its only our fear of not being accepted/loved that makes us question this freedom. I don't hold the thoughts of others against them. If we never questioned we would still think the world was flat and medicine to be the work of the devil. Being a man is accepting full responsibility for your actions. Your thoughts are however, free to dream.

Answer 6

I would say as long as it subsides in a few weeks, you've got nothing to worry about. Chances are there are plenty of people on earth that you could have possibly loved and married, but you met your wife and married her, and now you have to stay with her through thick and thin. So being attracted to someone else isn't weird, it's normal.

Answer 7

you are totally normal. If fantasizing is considered cheating then 98 percent of people are guilty. It is a proof that we are well, healthy and alive, so don't beat yourself over the head. Just don't act on them.

Answer 8

I would say you are the perfectly normal human. Lusting is a sin, but show me one single person on this earth that has not looked at another human being with lustful eyes in some manner. Thats why all of our sins are forgiven. Just ask.

Answer 9

DEFINETELY IT IS WRONG. The world will be upside down if everybody feel its not wrong....

life is getting miserabble nowadays... please human beings, try to reduce known sinful actions.

God doesn't just judge your physical actions or your body.... but its your soul!!

if you cant control... go and meditate and improve your relationship with your loving partner.

he/she is the only person for you to share and express the lust feelings too.

and just stop looking at that someone... she is sent by this nature to test your loyalty!

Answer 10

It's emotional cheating.

How would you feel if your wife was feeling this way and having the kind of dreams you're having about another man?

And then she gets on the Internet to share her strong and real feelings about another man with a bunch of strangers. I think your ego would be bruised just a bit.