been dating a guy for a month and starting to fall for him..only thing is he doesnt believe in marriage and is not fussed about kids (to be honest i dont think he wants them). I want to get married in next few years with kids following later. my dilema is hes the first decent guy ive dated that i can see myself being with long term but do i take the chance on him and hope he will change his views (as he may just not ahve been with the right girl to feel he wants to commit in those ways) or not even go there and call it off now before i fall too deep. has anyone else been in similar situation. i know u cant change a person but wot about mould them abit to your way of thinking?
2007-08-03 04:28:10 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
also hes 8 yrs older then me
2007-08-03 04:37:35 · update #1
hes not chetaing on me..he left his gf for me so i was the one who was cheating with him
2007-08-03 05:08:36 · update #2
He may or may not change his views...sometimes people do, other times they do not. DO NOT stick with him unless you are prepared that he won't change. If you know you can live with that and be happy as a couple, without marriage and kids then whether he changes his mind or not, won't matter.
If you know you'd never be satisfied without having the those things, then let him know how you feel and that you need to move on and be with someone who shares those same desires.
2007-08-03 04:33:57 · answer #1 · answered by . 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I dated a guy like this for 3 1/2 years. I know that you can not change people and how they feel. If it's only been a month with this guy, and you have talked about marriage and children, then this is way too soon, and you may be scaring him to death. ((I do not know who brought up the subject of this, so it is hard to say.))This would scare me if I were him. He may not have been with the right girl, or either he may feel like this with everybody. Just give this a little more time and see if you will still even feel this way and see what happens. Best of luck.
2007-08-03 11:54:03 · answer #2 · answered by starchild4485 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whoa! Slow down a little. After one month in a relationship you shouldn't even be contemplating these things. Get to know each other a little better. You sound a wee bit too desperate. Maybe that is why you are having trouble dating decent guys. There is not a guy in existence that won't bolt if a girl starts hinting at marriage and kids when they haven't dated but a few weeks.
2007-08-03 11:34:05 · answer #3 · answered by arkiemom 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It is way too early for you to be worried about his views on marriage and children yet. Bring your feelings into check if you decide to keep dating him. Understand that most relationships don't make it a year. If you get to that point then start thinking about his views on these subjects. The most important thing for you is to know if you can live with his choices and still be happy with him.
2007-08-03 11:50:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have seen this issue with a lot of my friends. I think that men tell us what they are all about, and they are honest. We choose to think that we can somehow change them, and that everything will be okay. I don't think you can change him. If he is younger and not sure about the marriage thing and children, then that's understandable, you never know. I would talk to him, and let him know that someday you want to be married and have children. Be honest, can you live with what the relationship has to offer you?
2007-08-03 11:36:40 · answer #5 · answered by Lenka 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does he not believe in marriage or just doesnt want to get married... there is a difference. If he just doenst want to get married I woudl say he just hasnt found the right person... there may be hope.... if he honestly does not believe in marriage... then he may never change his mind... You need to have a heart to heart with him, ask him which it is and if he ever thinks he might want to get married if he found the right lady. If not.. move on if that is what you want.
2007-08-03 11:50:17 · answer #6 · answered by Lori S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't change his mind. I wouldn't want to take a risk with a guy that has expressed his opinions about marriage and children. At least he has been honest. If you really want to be married in 5 years and to have children...you had better leave him and find someone who shares your views on marriage and children. By staying with him you could be waiting your whole life. It isn't worth the gamble!
2007-08-03 11:33:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You can't mold someone into the way you want to live your life...It won't work and you may end up having huge problems for trying...I truly think if you want to get marry and have children then you need to follow what it is you want...He probably feel the same way about his life..You wouldn't want him to try to mold you or change what it is you want out of your life...Maybe you might want to re-evaluate what it is that is important to you the most***
2007-08-03 15:53:26 · answer #8 · answered by Yvette D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is cheating you. true people love to get marry unless something else is wrong in a relationship. This guy maybe already has a gf and just having you for fun without commitments....
beware and try to know his background well.... and yes, 1 month is toooooo early gal
2007-08-03 12:04:45 · answer #9 · answered by cute 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have been with him for only a month and you have both your whole lives planned? You need to slow down lady! No man is going to change but you don't even really know this man and you are in this big rush. Calm down and enjoy his friendship and get to know him.
2007-08-03 12:00:15 · answer #10 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋