What do you think?

Question

The Candle flickers as the clock winds,
The young Princess sits on her bed as the shackles around her hands bind.
A death trap lies above her bed.
A mallet tied with rope just waiting to smash her head.
She waits for her prince to come,
But that's like waiting for the chatty to be mum.
She sees only one way to make it out of this alive; she must escape and she has to be conniving.
The sun comes up on almost a perfect day, but if she can't escape another night she awaits.
The evildoer leaves her for a fight.
She has to act quickly and take flight.
Seeing that her shackles will never give she must find a tool to pry them loose. No use another day is lost, but the Prince arrives to cut that cost.
He forces the binds off with one single move.
The princess asks him how he got there in time. His reply was short and sweet. I wound the clock back.

Answer 1

its OK

I just think the last line is turned the clock back. I don`t think you can wind backwards, as you would break the clock.

I think I agree with the other comments. I think you should write a short story. You are beginning to create imagery, and I think you will develop faster through short story writing, than free form poetry. just my opinion.

Answer 2

Good free-form, well thought out with a punch line at the end. That's just GREAT! Well done and let's see some more of that story telling ability.

You may find you are also well-suited to writing short stories. Check out Yahoo, Wikipedia and Google for short story outlines and developing a story line. You will do well.

Answer 3

Hey....night walker......I liked it. The punch line was so apt. You got something there....keep it up.

Answer 4

YA DOIN GOOD KEEP ON GOIN...I LIKE IT....SEEMZ LIKE A>>>> POEM <<<

Answer 5

Very good, why not enter it for 'poem of the month' at myverdict.net

Answer 6

I like it.