What should I do about him?

Question

Ok lately I have been finding wierd text on my bfs phone that he is sending to people...every time I ask him about them he gets really upset that Im accusing of cheating and says he would never do that! It seems like he really means it but it still is just making me sick that he is talking like this to someone else! How should I go about telling him that I dont appreciate it with him thinking I am accusing him...I love him with all my heart and would be completely heart broken if we broke up! I just cant mentally take this anymore I want the truth....Im to the point where if I see another one Im going to give the number a call!

Ok I wasnt being nosey on his phone...I was sending my mom a text last night and on our phones when you send a new text the thing you previously said is still on the screen...thats how I saw this one...they are just normal text you send people they would be things I would say only to my other person or to someone I was screwing! Its just my opinion...I guess I have a lot of thinking to do!

Answer 1

WOW! I have the same problem!!! Except we are married and have 3 small babies together. I dont know the solution to our problem but I can tell you that if you keep asking him about the text he will probably only hide it more(like erasing them before you see them) so you will only think the problem went away. I have been told that I shouldnt press the issue or it will only push him away more. What do you do? I told my husband exactly how I felt all at once and he too said he would never cheat, he wouldnt want to lose something great. I cant honestly say I believe him but I want to. So I am sitting back and watching. He did tell the other female he was texting he cant speak to her anymore but then again they do work together. By the way, I called the number, it doesnt help, it only hurts more because you already know. If your not as far into your relationship as I am, even if he says he isnt cheating, if he cant straight out tell you what is behind all of this, get out while you can. If he cant be honest now what makes you think he will later down the road. Sorry it hurts but it wont change, dont bother telling yourself it will. I do all the time and I regret it. Dont end up like me(married w/kids). Good luck and if you need a friend my email is [e-mail]. Maybe we can help each other through this crazy time.

Answer 2

Do you openly accuse him or does he assume you are accusing him? If he is assuming and gets into a huff, he's cheating or flirting or contemplating. I'm sorry.

I would tell him that you don't appreciate you sending messages or talking with other women, that you don't know of well, because it shows you disrespect. If he gets upset about it. Give him a day or two to chill. But keep checking the messages and write down the numbers. If he doesn't apologize to you and admit you are right and STOP what he is doing..I would start making phone calls (but remember they could lie to you too). Or I would pretend to be him, use his phone or ID and contact them and see what they say back to you!! I wouldn't get mad at them, unless it is someone you know fairly well, it's your man's doing!!

Then if there is still a problem break up with him and see what happens. No ultimatums because they don't work. Just leave him and if he is in so much love with you he'll open up and let you in and you two should be able to talk.

It could be simply flirting ..which I find is wrong when you are supposedly in love with someone because that is not harmless flirting. Harmless flirting is a special look or glance from a stranger. No #'s exchanged or emails exchanged.

Good luck, girl!!

Answer 3

It's going to depend on that the text messages say ... if they are flirty or too friendly, simply tell him that while you don't want to accuse him of cheating, that isn't the point - the point is that if he cares for you, he wouldn't keep on insisting on texting in a way that makes you feel you don't have all of his attention. Tell him how much you appreciate it when he seems totally focused on you.

If they are more than just friendly, he probably is cheating and is defensive because he is guilty - also, he probably knows how hooked you are, so he doesn't worry about pleasing you to keep you because you're a "sure thing."

I'm sorry, but lots of men are pure scum.

Have your eyes open, girl!

Answer 4

hi...

i think that your boyfriend's cell phone is his private business. same for his wallet, and his dresser drawers, his personal files and etc.... just because we are in a relationship with a guy, doesn't mean they are not entitled to privacy.

i understand that you love him, and i hope it works out for the two of you. i hope he's not cheating, either.

calling someone he is texting, isn't going to solve the problem. it's not THEIR fault he is sending them messages, it is HIS choice to do so. plus it will make you look desparte, and probably stupid.

gather your dignity and act like a lady. give your boyfriend his privacy. if you don't trust him, maybe it's time to take a break from the relationship, or have a CALM discussion about your feelings for each other and what each of you want and expect from the relationship as it stands now.

take care.

Answer 5

First of all just stop and think about it.. What are the texts saying? If they say "I miss you" "Sweetie" or pet names or flirting well then you already know what the answer is. You just need to evaluate and then make a decision. If you call the number what will that do? Confirm what you already know? Or make you seem like a jealous crazy person.

Answer 6

Whether he thinks you are accusing him or not you need to talk about it and get it out in the open. It isn't right. You had better face facts you may have to break up. I see no reason why you shouldn't call the number since he is not being forward with facts.

Answer 7

If they're things that suggest affection towards the other person that's over the line, then tell him it makes you uncomfortable. Like I miss you's, can't wait to see you again, I have a great time when I'm with you, things like that?

Just because it's not necessarily cheating doesn't mean that you can't be hurt by it. If he continues to do it, he's not respecting your feelings and you should dump him.

Answer 8

What do the text messages say? Why is he being so defensive if he's doing nothing wrong? You better give the number a call.

Answer 9

i do not want to talk more... everytinh is explained well in Sara's reply. i loved my bf for 6 years.. similar thing. thank God that i havent married him which was tooo close to get to. I caught him finally.... basically if he is truthful, you wont have this feelings. Girl, please trust your instinct.

This guys wont change but maybe will be more smarter in doing things without you know. he might love you but he dont love you truly.

It will be very very painful when you see the clear truth. Get out from this uncertainty in with such a person. I understand its difficult because we love them sincerely and crazy on them. but what to do when they dont appreciate us.....

let him know cleary and sternly that he must tell all the truth now or you will just get lost from his life! and get lost from his life with a gutsy feelings. dont look back... if he really love you, he will realise ans start to appreciate you.

Answer 10

Sounds like he just avoids the real issue. If he is cheating, then he would be this way. There is a possibility that he is not cheating, but if he cannot give you a good/decent answer, then something is probably going on