Am I unreasonable or is my boyfriend an idiot?

Question

My boyf has just really annoyed me. He works an early morning shift this week as finishes at midday. All week he has been meeting his friend for some beers in the afternoon - which is fine of course. However I am seeing him tonight and he has gone again this afternoon - he told me and I was like "ok" and he said "well I should hope it's ok, thank you very much." He's always on my back like that. So I say nicely "what we going to do tonight" given that it's my weekend too and he's like "I suppose we can do something nice." This really annoyed me "I suppose". So I said to him "well I should hope you would want to do something nice with me". He then swore at me and made out like I was an unreasonable person. I feel he justs want to live his life with no consideration for me like I am just tagged on with no compromise and whenever I fight my own corner he has this way of beating me down so I feel like i am being a nag. Am I unreasonable?

Answer 1

Definitely not unreasonable. You are however laying the groundwork for giving him permission to use you as a doormat. Sounds like you already recognize this from your statement ("his way of beating me down"). People that love each other can't wait to spend time together.

I've been married six years, and every so often we go through this same issue. I'm not a nag, and his friends think I'm cool. I *let* him do whatever he wants (I get off work at 5ish, he gets off work at 2:30-3ish). But after not complaining or laying down - "Hey, tonight is our night, tell your boys", I get angry- but at the same time, I'm "training" him to do what he wants until I throw a fit - what I (and you) should be doing is encouraging him to pick a few nights a week to do "his thing" (I support this, couples do need time apart - not counting work) and designate certain nights as no plan nights. (Kind of like "black-out dates" for his buddies).

When you confront him, make sure you attack the problem, not the person - you'll get a lot further. Say something like this:

"Babe, I'm glad you have friends that you can unwind with. It's nice to be able to relax after work. We need to spend more time together doing fun things....so any suggestions?" (Then you pick Tuesday night is his choice, Thursday night is yours, etc. including the weekend. Many times I end up doing stuff my husband likes, and sometimes I end up liking it too. It's more of an "unsaid ultimatum". We're GOING to do this, or they'll be consequenses. Stand your ground, your opinion DOES count!

Point at hand, you have to gently put your foot down and demand more of his attention. If you do it in a sarcastic way (like him) it will cause a fight and then some. But don't stand for being #2 on his agenda. I once told my husband this and it made him think alot: "I should be the 1st one you think of and the last one you disappoint." You are both adults (I'm assuming), niether one of you are dating your parents - so nobody gets to boss anyone around.

Lastly, you are important. If he's not fulfilling your needs emotionally or you conclude he just doesn't care, LEAVE, because it will only get worse and escalate into worse things down the road. YOU ARE important, and don't let a sh*tbag tell you any different!

Go Girl!

Answer 2

You are not being unreasonable at all... He just doesn't get it. Relationships are supposed to be 50/50 and this is NOT the case in your situation. He seems to expect tings to be closer to 99/1. This is not good.
You need to sit down with him and let him know that your wants, needs, and desires from life are just as important, and give him the chance to make things right. If he swears at you again like that, DUMP him. You deserve better than that.
Tough love can be just that sometimes. Better to force the issue now than to waste years being unhappy though. Good luck.

Answer 3

Relationships are like the tides, the come in and go out. They can be easy or like Katrina.

If you are not happy, then either:

1) accept what you have and leave it alone, or

2) see what changes you have to make to be happy, and make them.

This part may require some work on your part.

If you do not like the way your BF is treating you, remember he is just your BF, not your husband. Moving on is very easy at this point. Look at what part you play in this drama, and be honest. Think about where you are... where you want to be... and who you want to be when you get there. If it doesn't include this BF, then go there by yourself.

This is not an easy answer and will take honesty on your part, then action after realization to get things moving...

or, you could just stay where you are and complain.

Answer 4

Thers is a saying "Men will be boys". Your boyfriend is being inconsiderate about your feelings. You are not being unreasonable. It doesn't matter what long hours he works. He should set aside time for only you and him. Nothing isn't wrong with him hanging out with his friends but he if considers you, he would place the relationship with you at the top of his list.
Talk it out with him. Express how you feel calmly. If he doesn't shape up then he's being a downright idiot.

Answer 5

He sounds like you are there for when he remembers he has a girlfriend. I'd even say a little controlling because he seems to like having the upperhand and getting his own way. Maybe you should really think about what it is you want in a relationship, and if he is not meeting your requirements, let him know.

Answer 6

I don't like that he swore at you!!!! That is not good and shouldn't be accepted. When he said "I suppose we can do something nice." You shouldn't have picked that sentence apart. See women do this and it drives men away. It sounds like you have to beg him to spend time with you and that's not good. Many women go through this. I certainly did. I would want to go out to eat & he'd say tomorrow. Tomorrow would come & he didn't call me so I didn't go out to eat. At the time I didn't like going alone. I had to practically beg to get those little boys to do anything.

If you stick with this boyfriend I say you're setting yourself up to be very unhappy.

Answer 7

I think your boyfriend is an idiot no offence but if my boyfriend was like that I would tell him where to go.
It sounds like he thinks its a bother to spend time with you, that's not a good way to have a relationship.
You should not put up with this sort of bulling from any guy, it is not right if he can speak to you like that whats to stop him taking it further one day and hitting you.

Answer 8

Well, maybe a tad b****y. But we all have those days. It was probably more in your tone of voice than what you actually said. So say you're sorry and have a nice weekend. You may be somewhat jealous of his having beers with friends. He needs and deserves that outlet, as do you. HUGS

Answer 9

it somewhat is happening when you consider which you enable it its time to place your foot down and tell him the information of existence. IF he cant discover the time to be with you first then what stable is he. you are able to watch for a practice you do no longer might desire to attend on a BF. you will possibly desire to come first and in case you do no longer then its time to discover a clean BF. discover one that thinks your the superb concern when you consider that gold bullion and treats you like it.Drop this guy like a chilly corn canines and flow out and have relaxing you will meet a stable guy finally. think of roughly this do you elect for to be waiting for this clod for something of your existence whilst he places you on the back burner to all his acquaintances. do no longer settle for under you elect for if he cared approximately you his maximum precedence could be you no longer different issues so drop this guy like radioactive waist and flow on stable success

Answer 10

You sound unreasonable. Boardering #itch.