Why am I so jealous and insecure?

Question

Been with B/F 1 year I am 33 he is 8 years younger we are really happy and I know he loves me to bits as I do - yet I get very jealous over certain things, love scenes in a film, if he looked at a mag with naked women in e.t.c I know he loves me and he is not a "perv" type man - but...I still feel it - not sure if its the age gap - I even worry about him playing computer games in case there is that type of thing in it.....what is wrong with me -I am attractive e.t.c...so worried it will destroy us.

Answer 1

What's wrong with you....? You are insecure that's all, but insecurity stems from lack of attention, love and praise (or acknowledgment). Other people can see insecurity as Anxiety or Depression, that would bring more insecurity, believe me.

I think you are making too much of the age gap thing. Maybe you feel a little insecure about your own body, comparing it to women in your fella's age range?

In all honesty, I think your guy can't be paying much attention to you at all, I would certainly notice insecurities like that and would have to think twice about my own attitude. When was the last time he remarked on your appearance or said anything romantic?

If he's so blind NOT to notice your concerns, then maybe you should take a deep breath and tell him. It could make all the difference and stop you from destroying yourself.

A little self-pampering wouldn't go amiss. How about a bit of a tan, and a trip to the hairdressers to boost your confidence, a new look maybe? Treating yourself to manicures, pedicures and waxing wouldn't be selfish, if you don't feel good about yourself, then that will rub off on others...go treat yourself.

Answer 2

It is not normal for women to be happy when their man looks at another woman. Whether in movies or mags or in the street. A little jealousy is not so bad. This generation makes it seem like the woman has something wrong with her if she doesn't like her man looking. As if men can't control themselves.

If you are being way crazy jealous, then I suggest just talking it out with him.

Has someone hurt you in the past? Sometimes you need to let go of past hurt to stop being jealous. Bottom line, jealousy is insecurity and that is usually caused by past hurts. If your man loves you he will try to build your self-esteem up. He will try to help you by making an effort to not look while you heal.

Answer 3

I do think it has something to do with the age gap...... but you also have to think that we older girls are very attractive to guys in their early/mid 20s because they see we are more experienced, more mature, maybe even as someone that can teach them stuff, etc....... use this to your favor instead of worrying that he will go with a younger chick (I think this is deep inside your real fear). I date a man 17 years older than me and he also has this kind of insecurities......... and he sees I hang out with my friends and stuff, but I also try to make him know as often as possible how much I love him and that I would never leave him only because I met a younger or cuter guy......... if this BF of yours loves you truly, then you're just being a little paranoid and insecure........ I do think a psychologist might help. You do have to stop this because jealousy DOES destroy relationships.......

Answer 4

You need to work out why you feel this way. I would put it down to trust! I'm begining to think there's something wrong with me as I have never been jealous. a few of my friends get very jealous, worry what their BF is doing when they're not together etc, etc.

The way I look at it is...I trust my partner. he has Friends who are girls just as my best mate is a guy. It's me he goes home with, it's me he gets into bed at night with, it's me he lives with, you see where I'm going??? Surely you must watch a movie and think, oooh Brad Pit is really sexy, or Hugh Grant is really fit?? (I know i do...and i know my BF really likes Sandra Bullock) If you trust each other, reading a saucy mag isn't doing any harm. Try watching some saucy DVDs or read a saucy mag together! you'll see there's no harm. hope this helps a little. xx

Answer 5

It might be to get to be a little of a problem a mans worst turnoff in a relationship is insecurities. You got to chill out if you dont want to tire him off get in his shoes what if he was jealous for you all the time how would you feel if he constantly was getting in your case all the time. If you are sure that he really loves you then you got nothing to worry about in this days you cant help but to see nudity everywhere you go, cut him a bit of slack.

Answer 6

No one can ever tell you why you are that way. Except maybe a shrink (i don't mean that offensively) What matters is that you recognize these traits and you are willing to change them. What you need is to CONSTANTLY tell yourself you are everything he needs and wants. Drill it in until you are confident about it. I'm sure he has noticed this and even if he hasn't told you outright he knows. Just slowly but surely hold your tongue when you want to say something negative or insecure about yourself. You have to train yourself. You ARE right about one thing. If this keeps going on it WILL destroy your relationship. Hold your head up high no matter what! There is nothing more attractive than someone who is confident about themselves. Even when you mess up. Laugh it off. Don't get embarrassed. We are human. Embrace your imperfections because they make you who you are. Trust me, slowly but surely it will become second nature to be a confident person and it WILL pay off!

Answer 7

Hey There!

There are alot of women that feel like yourself, I used to feel like that when I was around 19 (Im 25 now)

Jealousy is an awful thing.....It eats away at you from inside & ruins everything! Just try to let it go........Tell yourself that you are a worthy woman of your man & that nothing bad will happen..........
I think its natural to feel something because of the age but....don't let that ruin what you have!!

People can break up for any number of reasons, You've just picked out the most obvious thing
Just let go of the jealosy & enjoy what you have, life is too short

Best Of Luck

Answer 8

You have very low self esteem, and need a confidence boost, when you feel better about yourself how you look none of what your boyfriend does would bother you so much....you need to love yourself you know he loves you, sorry to say it is you who doesn't love you the way you look you feel insecure compared to other women...it doesn't have to be this way, gain confidence by working on you in every way possible learn to love you, then this irrational jealousy will fade with time.

Answer 9

jealous is a really bad thing to have yes it can destroy your relationship stop feeling insecure and trust him if he is going to do anything he would have done it by now doll at end of day if you b/f goes behind your bk with other girls then he is the wrong guy for you but im quite sure he wouldnt do any of that to you so try dealing with your jealousy

Answer 10

It might be the age gap that is really the problem, but then it might not be. I knew a girl just like that everything bothered her from tv shows with attractive girls in it to magazines. She got over it by making sure she looked good all the time and when she started to care and focus more on herself then him and what he was looking at.......she was different. It didn't bother her about these things. They are everywhere ....girls dressing like hoochies and it's all over the tv ....you don't want to break up or have problems over something you can't control.