I don't want a divorce how do you stop the craziness?

Question

I don't want a divorce anymore. When we split, my wife was angry at me and i was angry at her. I don't want it anymore. However attornies are involved and because of accusations flying around, the attornies don't want us to talk to each other. I don't want this divorce anymore. I don't know how my wife feels because i can't talk to her. The attornies have made it now where we can't trust each other and us throwing accusations each other's way. Plus our families think we're both better off without the other. How can I stop this craziness? I don't want to divorce her but she seems to still want it....I think. I can't talk to her though because too many legal things have been drawn up and if i do there might be some sort of restraining order issued because it's gotten to the point where our attornies told us to leave each other alone. What can I do? I don't want to divorce her. I know she has bad mouthed me to everyone. Can this be fixed? if so ladies, how?

it's been 3 months since we separated. she initiated it. I wanted it to at time of separation.

she had an abortion (her choice) and went off on the children after the abortion. i told her to leave the kids alone, it's not their problem. they needed shielding from adult issues. i guess she figured i cared more about them than her. i just did what i would hope she would do if i went off on the kids like that.

Answer 1

You should try to find a way of talking to her alone call her and ask if you both can see each other alone, and then take her out and talk about the way you feel and the mistakes you have made and how you want to work them out. Tell her you love her and you're sorry and that you want to keep your family together. There is always hope, just pray and God Bless.

Answer 2

Well, I'm sure that you're not JUST getting a divorce because your wife had an abortion and went off on the kids one day. There's probably a whole host of problems with your marriage, including some kind of abuse. There must be some reason why you would need to be worried about a restraining order. My advice to you would be to tell the judge when you go to court that you don't desire to divorce and would like the judge to hold off for 6 months until the two of you have had a chance to go to counseling. This may not work (if you live in a no-fault divorce) state, but what the hell, give it a shot. You're right about attorney's. There in this thing to make money and get you divorced. Good luck. I don't think it's wise to contact the wife.

Answer 3

If their isn't a restraining order filed, you can legally talk to your soon to be ex-wife. You want your woman back, you better fight like hell to get her. But remember this very important thing, what you did to get her in the first place, you have to keep doing the rest of your life. Also, it seems like you two have alot of unresolved issues. You two should try some marriage counseling. It would help the both of you get over alot of issues that have been going on and also it would get the two of you to see how each other thinks, etc. first and foremost give her a call. If she doesn't pick up the phone, leave her a voice mail. Tell her "Hi Honey, I don't want this divorce. I made a mistake going through this with you, can we talk about this civil, just you and me?" She'll listen. Just also remember that women follow their emotions more time than not, so just be nice and calm even if she starts getting angry at you for letting things get as far as they have gone. But first thing first, give her a call...

Answer 4

Why ask just ladies? Women aren't superior beings that have insights beyond us mere men. You no longer want to divorce your wife. Lawyers don't matter, the opinions of either family don't matter, what we here think doesn't matter. The ONLY thing that matters is that you want to stay married to your wife. Focus on THAT. We can't know what issues have harmed your marriage- and they barely matter. Since you want your wife, GET OFF YOUR BUTT- and get to work. Fire YOUR lawyer NOW. IF you filed, withdraw your court action- TODAY. Since this is already a nasty divorce action, you face lousy odds. It is likely nothing you do now will make her decide to stay married. Again, that doesn't matter. You've realized you love your wife, and want her always. You owe it to both yourself and your wife to do anything you can, to show your wife that you want to be married to her forever. Hire a skywriter, beg on billboards, or get the Pope to plead your case. Whatever issues bothered your wife- resolve them. Disown your family IF the wife wants that. Gnaw off your right arm, if that might impress her. Enlist in the Marines, burn down your house, shoot your dog, or ANYTHING else to show your wife that you know you've made the worst mistake EVER, and will do ANYTHING to fix it. Beg, plead, shave your head, or move to a whole new state. Nothing matters more than keeping your wife, your wife. Maybe, just maybe IF you truly WANT to save your marriage- you might succeed. For a short time forget pride, accept any negative acts by your wife, ignore the fact that it seems hopeless- and TRY!!!!!!! Now, this only applies IF you ARE ready to put it ALL on the line for your marriage. Otherwise, just let it happen.

Answer 5

Your lawyer works for you! Call them today-right now and tell them you feel there is a change for reconcile, If he trys to talk you out of or if he asks for an explaination tell them you do not need to explain yourself to them this is just the way it is! Tell them you work for me and I can find a different lawyer, tell your lawyer to call her lawyers A.S.A.P. to get the message to her that you and her need to talk without the lawyers present and that you feel there is a chance to reconcile. He/she will do what you want other wise they will be fired! Take a stand and get your message to her through the lawyers therefore you won't be jepordizing any leagl issues! If you feel this won't work or that you can not stand up to your lawyer go through a family member and pary she doesn't make things harder on you legally. They work for you just remeber this and what you say goes! Not what they say! Hurry all them before it's too late! and as far as the rest of the family goes for the ones that think you two should get divorced this is your life not theres- rely on the family memebrs that support you and make no judgments toward her or you have them help you get the message to her if need be.

Answer 6

Write her a letter about how you feel. Own up to your mistakes and don't focus on her's. Tell her how you will change your behavior and then do so. You can fire your lawyer at any time. You can stop fighting and just live your life changed. If its meant to work out it will.

Answer 7

Ok, this may come as a shock to you, but here goes......

You need to let your 2nd wife go and turn your heart over to God.

God recognizes your covenant marriage with your first wife, IF the both of you had never married before when you got married.

You need to pray for your first wife's salvation and stand for your marriage. When you turn your heart completely over to God, He will restore your 1st marriage (provided the two of you had never married before)

The first link is a paper written about Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage. The second link is a marriage restoration ministry.

The majority of the world encourages divorce, but it is NOT God's way. He hates divorce.

Answer 8

Send her a letter with explaining what you just explained to us or have a trusted friend mediate or relay the information. Remember the Lawyers want their fees, of course they dont want you talking! If she responds and still wants the divorce, move on. If you two can work it out, dump the lawyers and move on with your lives together! Good luck!

Answer 9

Yes you can fix it, who cares what your family thinks, or the lawyers, if you dont want to divorce her call her and tell her that you need to talk no bullshitting around, tell her how you feel before its too late

Answer 10

Years and years of professional therapy... ...or a spiritual awakening... ...or both.