Opening up to all of you, LGBT people or supporters. Can you please take some time to read this?

Question

Hey all. I’m a 22-year old guy. I’m gay, and I’ve known I’m since I was very young. I never had any attraction towards females, and I’m closeted. So far nothing new or different. What’s different is the culture I live in. I live in the Middle East, where basically, gays & lesbians are considered mentally sick by the vast majority of people, and in need for medical and religious intervention. I’ve been born and raised in a religious, Islamic family. They have provided me with love, money, education and much of what parents give their children. But unfortunately, as everybody around, they have the same view about homosexuality. So are my friends, and so is everyone I know, even the media. It’s very hard for me to keep hiding who I’m, and what adds insult to the injury is that I’m considered the “White sheep” of my family. I’ve been always the smartest in school, the most “moral” and religious. Even I didn’t accept the fact that being gay is OK, and used to think it’s against God, and that I’ll go to hell because of it. It took me over 5 years to finally accept myself, as I only understood what being gay meant very late, when I was about 15 . And only until last year that I accepted that I cannot change who I am, and that I’m normal. But As I said, it’s practically impossible for me to tell my family about who I really am. The least they would do is send me to a psychiatrist or make me get married sooner than I’m expected (Yeah I’m expected to marry a girl and have kids...Etc). To give you one incident that explains what I mean:
There was this once when my little brother suspected I watch gay things on my computer because he found links in it. He told me that he’ll never speak to me again, and then he told my mum that when he gets married, he doesn’t want me showing up. But of course, no one believed him, and I managed to convince him that I’m not gay or anything.

I thought of moving away, but I’m helpless. I still don’t have my degree (Medicine, takes sometime), and I never held a job or earned my own money, besides I need a visa to get to many European or North American countries. And believe me, I sometimes cry over myself. I never had the chance even to fall in love with a guy, or hug him romantically or anything, on top of my closet status. I sometimes feel like dying from the inside. I’m even afraid to write down what I feel in a diary in fear that someone could find and see it. It’s so depressing. No one to come out to and expecting them to say “That’s OK”.
I just wanted to share this with people who are like me, or at least see me as normal. I’m not expecting you to magically find solutions for me…Just opening up to you guys & girls.

Answer 1

Hi,

I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. I have gay Arabian and Persian friends (and one Pakistani boy I know that I have no idea of the sexuality of - but he is very sweet and kind and loving) here in the United States. In the spirit of full honesty: I myself am not of those backgrounds, I am of fully English descent -- though my family has been here for hundreds of years, and my direct ancestor fought in the Revolutionary War.

All of that said -- the only way to escape it is to take charge of your life and leave as soon as is possible. I know it hurts, I've already known one boy who did it when he went to college. The level of family control and what I think is a form of family love amazed me. He's from the UAE. He did leave though, and he is much happier for it. He understands that he cannot go back.

I presume that you are in actual medical school. The first thing I would say to you is make certain that the school you are in is internationally recognized. If it is, finish your schooling. If it isn't, or if you just completed your undergraduate -- which is very possible at 22 -- consider going to the US to finish/go.

If you need help getting a Visa, let me know, we have good connections, and will be glad to help you. Likewise, if you want to talk, email me.

I know how frightened you are -- but you are wonderful and special and you must never forget that. You are who you are, embrace yourself and let yourself find happiness where you can find it.

*hug*

Kindest possible thoughts,

Reyn
[e-mail]

Answer 2

The only thing that should change with abortions is the price! .....and you sound pro-choice My thoughts on abortion: An abortion is an important medical procedure that removes a parasitic organism (embryo/fetus) I'm adopted (I was a lucky one and got a great family) Not all unwanted kids get families. I also have had an abortion. I feel there is nothing wrong with abortions, no matter the situation. It's not fair or responsible for someone who will be an unfit parent to keep a child they can't support. It's also not fair to the kid if it's put up for adoption and doesn't get a family like so many unwanted/unexpected kids. I think adoptions are more stressful for a woman than an abortion because with adoption the woman will always KNOW she has kid out there somewhere and wont know anything about their lost child. But with abortion the only thing lost is a potential child. people should stop getting mad about abortions and try putting that energy into preventing the situation. Get mad at parents and schools for lack of sex education and birth control knowledge. I find it very amusing that people say abortions are "justified" in certain cases (rape, incest, etc) It's the same procedure removing the same parasitic organism. The method behind how that embryo/fetus came to be is irrelevant. Also the argument about "every baby is a blessing from god" etc etc... then by that standard wouldn't an abortion also be part of "god's plan" If abortions became illegal in any sense then women would revert back to using chemicals and coat hangars

Answer 3

I'm gonna second a few other people---keep your head down, and suffer through it. Join online groups, get yourself some penpals, choose a good password for your computer, and KNOW that things will get better.

Talking will make everything a million times better--find people on the 'net that you can relate to (Or if you're really brave and willing to take some risks, sniff out the real life gay underground in your town. Trust me, it exists.). Keep up with your studies as your ticket to a more forgiving country.....then work for change in your own from a safe distance, and wait for change. Study hard, get a part-time job, save all your extra money, and remember the freedom that is waiting.....it is absolutely worth all of your sacrifices.

If you start feeling down again, study harder. If you panic and think nothing will ever change, pick up extra hours at work. Every time you make a little more effort toward your goal, you'll feel better. Positive reinforcement and all that.

And know that even strangers care. :)

Answer 4

I'm 19 and I don't live in the Middle East but my religion has always taught me homosexuality is wrong. My girlfriend and I met at my church her family knew mine and so on... Well we became best friends and then friends with benefits and now we have been together for almost a whole year in a serious relationship. No one knew but me and her for over 8 months. I finally broke down and asked her if she thought there would be anyway I could tell my other best friend about us. It drove me crazy not being able to tell anyone. My friend told me she didn't approve but she was not my judge and she accepted my decision to pursue a relationship with my girlfriend. My parents do not know. No one in my family or her's knows. Our parents would disown us and we would be brought to the altar to try and get rid of our devils. I understand where you are coming from and I know it must be hard for you to deal with. The way I feel about it is this. God will make a way for you if you are meant to be what you are. Nothing happens by chance coincidence or luck. Everything happens for a reason and things will work out for you. If you do decide to tell someone it may not be as bad as you think. But I do understand you being reluctent about it. Good Luck in whatever you decide.

Answer 5

I feel really sad for your situation. I'm also 22, and in medical school, and from a culture that is not very open about homosexuality (but not as difficult as yours).

I'm glad that you've come to accept who you are. I hope that one day you will be able to move away and have some opportunities to find love. I support you 100%!

Answer 6

Thank you for sharing your situation. Your story really touched me. Like others said, it seems that you should lay low until you can escape your situation and live a life where you can be who you are. But that's easy for us to say. . . Leaving your family and your culture behind could be emotionally and financially exhausting.
If you click on my profile, I've opened up the option to recieve e-mail just in case you'd like to reach out to someone. I don't have a solution for you, but I empathize, even though my situation is quite different. . . I'm 37, and in the USA, and came out to my friends and family when I was 18, and things have gone pretty well since then.

Answer 7

Seriously take care of yourself and don't let anyone around you beat you up. Finish your schooling and leave the country. Find someplace that will accept you for you. If you are going into medicine you'll be able to find a job anywhere in the world. So you have a very good advantage there... In the meantime I would highly suggest you stay very quiet and keep to yourself about your sexuality, because once you are out on your own, you can live your life for you, not for anyone else. Seriously take care of yourself and do what's best for you! :)

Answer 8

Just keep your head above water, keep a good outlook and know that eventually everything will turn out right...if you make it so.

Your accepting your being gay at 15 isn't late at all. It's fairly early actually...even as far as US standards go.
Heck, I didn't accept myself as being gay until I was almost 30. So feel lucky.
Anyway.
Focus on your studies, as they are the most important thing right now. When you're able to start your own life without needing your parents, then you'll be free to explore your sexuality and find true love.

Know that you are not sick, sinful or bad. You're just gay and there's nothing wrong with it...just how other people see it. So, deal with the situation at hand...as bad as it may seem now...and look towards the future.

Answer 9

I am very sorry for your situation, and honestly hope you will find a way. All I can say is congratulations for not loosing your mind..
When you are dealing with such menthalities, you can't risk telling them. You will have to go someplace else, in a country with less stupid menthalities - but don't expect to find heaven, we have our own homophobes. I think the best place would be netherlands, people are very open minded there. Europe generally is starting to open it's eyes to reality.

Answer 10

I could relate to that at least to some degree. My family is from Pakistan and moderately religious. We live in the US so there is a some tolerance towards homosexuals here. But I know my siblings will accept me if I were to come out to them. I doubt my parents ever will.

I say your best bet would be to just keep your head low. There is no point in "coming out" at this point in your life, especially in the society you live in. That's asking for suicide. Just finish your degree and then after you are able to support yourself financially, maybe then you could move away or something. If you need a positive environment for Muslim gays you could try going this group.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/MuslimGayMen/

Hope this helps. Best wishes for you.