Never go to Bed Angry............?

Question

I have been in few relationships that have quite different arguing styles. I am the type of person that wants to be calm and straight forward and discuss problems rather than fight and yell at my partner. I always want closure and hate going to bed angry. I have however been with people who would rather just ignore a problem and can sleep like a baby with no resolution. What is your arguing style? Tell me your reasoning!

Answer 1

My style is your style.

I have never believed that you can't talk about things. Even if you agree to disagree on something. We're two seperate people and we won't always agree on everything.

But it shouldn't be such a big deal that you don't go to bed in the same bed.

Couples that make or chose to have someone sleep on the couch are asking for Divorce.

Couples that throw out the "D" word while arguing are asking for a Divorce.

Both plant seeds that they don't need each other.

Closure is important for me. I don't like to leave anything undiscussed. Even if we agree to talk about it later... or realize that it really is a trivial issue that got out of hand, (so long as we both agree) that's enough closure for now and then we can kiss and make up.

Answer 2

I too have been in the relationship where the problem wasn't even discussed for weeks on end...just kinda floated between us and was avoided like the plague. It absolutely drove me nuts that sometimes one of the mutual friends of me and my boyfriend at the time would tell me that he was mad at me for something and I hadn't even known about it. If we did argue or fight, it involved lots of yelling, crying, and hurtful words. The worst part was-not a single problem was ever really fixed or resolved. Just kept building until we ended.

I am now with a guy that if we have a problem-no one else is involved and we sit down and discuss it like adults. We may take a little space before doing so, but it is never more than a few hours and we have never went to bed angry. We have a rule that during our "discussions", there is no interrupting. The person talking can talk until they feel they have adequately described the problem in their eyes and then the other person can talk. It is amazing. We actually resolve our problems and make that effort to fix things.

Answer 3

First of all, I will not listen to screaming for any reason at all! Two people can work through things without screaming. I understand that emotions can run hot real quick, but the old saying is true "cooler heads will prevail" Maybe I'm a little old school about some things but I like to sit across from my significant other and talk. And I feel the man should really "listen" to what she has to say, and lose the anger to make the right adjustments for a good compromise. And "NO" I will not go to bed angry. There is nothing better than make up sex, or "you have upset me and I'm going to f*** your brains out and you will take it! Sorry, I got a little excited there...LOL

Answer 4

Fair fighting.

Discuss ONLY the problem at hand.

No brnging up past issues that are NOT related to the problem at hand

Use caution with what you say, you can apologize later, but remember, "A word said is a word heard"

Call a time out if needed and take a break from the discussion, respect a time out called by the other one

If nothing else, agree to disagree. At least when you go to bed, never let the sun set on anger, continue the discussion the next day.

If you find yourself about to start yelling, it's time to take a break

Just because the other guy doesn't agree with what you are saying, doesn't make him/her wrong, it just means they have a different viewpoint or opinion

Never forget to say I love you

Answer 5

Well I can only speak about my own experiences here and I am sure that you will receive several opinions. I have been an arguer in my past and I learned in time that arguing never solves anything. I have learned as well that MOST things are not worth the time that it takes to argue. I have been married for 16 years to my wife and for the most part, when we have a disagreement we will talk calmly and try to ascertain the most logical answer. If it is imposable to resolve, then we will sleep on it but never mad at the time. You would be surprised at what a good nights sleep does for any disagreement.

Answer 6

I'm the same way as you.
I like to discuss the problem, get it talked over, dealt with, and then forgotten.
But what I have found with guys is, they think as long as it's not brought up and talked over then there must not be a problem.
So they would much rather just do that.
But in my mind, nothing ever gets solved by doing it that way.
It gets put on the back burner until the next fight and then it either gets brought up then or just causes a little fight to turn into something major.
A friend of mine does this. Her and her husband never talk anything over because if she tries to he gets mad and starts yelling and screaming, so the fight turns into a huge mess with them not talking for days.
So she does everything she can to avoid fighting with him, which means they never talk anything over because he gets mad.
So now she is holding so much resentment towards him because nothing ever gets accomplished.
So this fight brings up the last 10 fights also.
She can't even be loving towards him any more.
She just feels dead to him, no feeling at all any more.
And I believe that's why because nothing ever gets talked over.

Answer 7

Some arguments can't be resolved in one evening. In my marriage we tried to abide by that rule of never going to bed angry. It nearly destroyed my marriage. When I get tired I get irritable, irrational, and vicious. We found it was best to just let me sleep so in the morning (or when it is next most convenient) to continue the argument/discussion. I feel rested, calm, and rational after a good night sleep. No, things aren't resolved in one evening at our house, but it does get resolved the next day.

Our house has never been a yell/scream/call names argument house. Not our style. My mother saw us argue once when we were living with her briefly. She said that even though our voices never reached above normal levels you could feel the hostility vibrate in the air.

Answer 8

Life would be grand if one coulD ALWAYS GO TO BED WITH NO ANGER.

Maybe your picking the wrong kind of people to with if they can sleep and you can't. If your the one loseing sleep, maybe your making the anger stay there because you have mental issuses that need to be addressed. Just because your a calm discussion person, doesn't mean you haven't got a mental defect. Talking calmly doesn't always get things ironed out, as you have just proved to all of us.
maybe you need to seek other calm people and see if that works better for you

Answer 9

People are so afraid to make judgments and say that one way of doing things is better than another. Your method is always better. Why? Because the problem will fester and make you unhappy if not addressed. People who would prefer to let it go are indicating to you that they don't care enough to go through the uncomfortable discussion of addressing the problem. They have made the choice that you are going to be a hassle or unreasonable. Therefore, you should know that this person is obviously not the one to be with you in the long run.

Answer 10

My husband can go to sleep in the middle of a fight no problem. It drives me nuts cause I want to finish the discussion/argument and get it over with rather than deal with emotions next day. We always seem to do what he wants though.