WHAT's WRONG WITH MY HUSBAND????????

Question

My husband and i have been together for one year already, and we trust each other completely. Since we have been together he has completely stopped watching AVs and p o rn and such. We have complet trust in each other. However, only recently he has told me that he is unable to control his urges of fantasizing about other women. What is wrong with him??? He says he still loves me, and i appreciate the trust, is he going to cheat????

Answer 1

Every guy fantasizes about other women, it doesn't just magically stop when you get married. Heck he has probably fantasized that you were someone else a time or two while having sex with you. It's healthy, don't worry about it. Also i wouldn't be surprised if he still watches porn, it's natural and i wouldn't worry bout that either.

Really you should work on those insecurities that are making you always think that he is going to cheat on you. They will only cause you to push him away, which i am sure you really do not want to do.

Answer 2

At this time, no he is not going to cheat. If he were of a mind set to do that then he would not have confided in you.

1--It is perfectly normal to fantasize, about other women, different situations, even other men. Fantasizing is just that, a story in our minds. Sometimes they can be acted upon, sometimes they remain in the mind.

2--Why has he stopped watching porn? That is a healthy way to deal with sexual frustration and it is fun. It takes nothing away from you, in fact could add a nice bit of fun if you watch together and "replay" some of the more interesting things.

3--Have you thought about adding role-play into your sex life. This is a way in which you both can act out some of your fantasies. Some fun role-plays--Teacher/student (school girl outfits rock for this one), Sultan/harem girl, Pirate/captive....
These are not gender specific either, you can take whichever role that seems interesting.

4--If you really have issues with regular porn, I highly suggest Hentai. It is jap-anime porn (basically cartoon porn) that is fun and erotic but seems less offense because it is anime not real people.

I hope some of these suggestions help. And I truly commend your husband for being open and honest with you. This is what makes relationships work for long haul. The ball is now in your court, don't drop it.

Answer 3

I believe that he loves you but I think a lot of men are like this. Actually many women are like this as well.

one thing that you could try and do is get some costumes or wear your outfits in different styles than you normally do, do different hairstyles and even use temporary colors, and change your make-up up and then play-role with him... either in the home or out...

for example..

if you are blond, use the temporary color to make your hair brown or even black and get a sexy police uniform costume and play as if he is a "bad boy that needs to be punished"

or

rent a hotel room, and go to his work "in character" (wear the costume under say, a wrap dress that you can open to give him just a glance) and leave him a note and room key and instructions to meet you at the room by a certain time. Like maybe be in a sexy school-girl uniform and on the note act like he is your teacher or principal at "school." first when you see him reveal your school-girl costume underneath and then close it up and hand him the note that says something like "Dear Mr.___ (ur husband's last name), I know you gave me an F on the exam but give me a chance to show you I deserve an A.... meet me at hotel X at X o'clock"

yeah, thats probably cheesy but hey, it might help him from fantasizing as he will be too busy thinking about all the "adventures" you take him on.

Answer 4

He wants some spice to the love life. Doesn't mean he's going to cheat. I think he's sending you a message that he wants something different between you two. If he used to watch porn, he's got a lot of kinky ideas in his head that he probably wants to try out and that might be why he's telling you these things. Ask him about his fantasies and see if there are some that you two can do together.

Just because men fantasize doesn't mean they're going to cheat. Doesn't mean they wont', either, but I doubt if he'd tell you about it if he was going to cheat on you....or even give you a clue that he was thinking about doing that. See if you can do some things to help spice things up to keep your love life exciting. I think that's probably all he really wants, so go with it and see if you can enjoy some of those things together.

Answer 5

Darling:
He said that hes "unable "to control his urges;I donot think people get the seriousness of his statement!
Your guy is telling you indirectly he wants to cheat,he wants other women ,he is not satisfied with you.
Look if my man looks at porn ,I already know he's gonna want whats in there,so if your guy lusts then he will do it.

I say you ask him directly if he needs counselling or he wnats you to act his fantasy for him.
This relationship is too young for such a heavy burden.Too many women ignore the cheaters sign.
I think he could be telling you that coz he is having an affair,be lucky that this is a sign from God.

Get him into counselling,if he doesnot stop,consider leaving him.
Its for your own good!
Goodluck.

Answer 6

He's begging for you to change it up in the bedroom a little bit. Watch some of the stuff he's been watching and have him tell you about the stuff their doing. It's not so much the woman, but what she's doing. It's amazing how many men would not cheat if their wives would simply make the first move once a month and have sex a different way than just missionary...

Answer 7

I think its a normal male behavior to look and to imagine what "that woman" over there would be like...or the one over that way...or wait eh look at that one...like a kid in a Toy store thats told they can only pick one toy...its tempting and you always want more than what your allowed to have. Your man sounds like he is trying to be VERY honest and upfront about his wondering eyes and fantasies. watching porn together can help curve some of those urges and can be fun together roleplaying and acting out what your watching together. Some men tend to have a small "panic button" when they realize," thats it, shes the only one i'll ever have again the rest of my life". Getting upset and feeling jelous of his behaviour is also normal and a natural responce from a female, but men dont always undertsnad your feelings and may retort or get quiet and not share this feelings if it seems to upset you to much or find themselves getting repremanded all the time when you do notice them looking at "her". I am sure you are not fully "dead" since getting married, and you also notice another hansome male from time to time....its NATURAL to "window shop" ofcourse...you must always remember to stay out of the "store", leave your money at home lol. It doesnt sound as though he will cheat on you, he is trying to communicate his feelings. Try asking what fantasies he has and then try fulfilling them over time ...make your love life exciting for him and you...try sharing yours also.

Answer 8

No he won't cheat because of this... I don't know a guy who doesn't fantasize about every woman he sees. Usually it lasts a second or so, but during sex it can be longer. The people are usually nameless and faceless and 99.999% of men will never act on the fantasies in our head.

The ONLY recourse you have is to create fantasies of your own for him to think about.

Your going to have to loosen up or you will loose him. No man can go without fantasizing. None, nadda, nil, zilch, zero...

Why do have to have such control? Do you have low self esteem?

Answer 9

Many years ago my wife bought a wig, for what reason I have no idea. When she wore that thing I felt like I was with someone else. I have absolutely no interest in jeopardizing my marriage for a stupid roll in the hay with someone else, so this was like i was 'cheating', but of course I wasn't. She new it too and it was fun.

Quite a few years later my neighbor's wife (brown hair) decided to change her hair color to blond. My neighbor (her husband) said the same thing, he felt like he was with someone else and it was fun. (No she didn't lose 50 IQ when she became Blondie.)

So this is fun, it adds spice to a sex life. I'd suggest, becoming "another woman" -- for him. This the guy you love, and he loves you. So play a game, if that is what he says he'd like. Ask him what sort of women he's fantasizing about and dress up like that ...maybe it means dressing sort of 'slutty', so keep it where no one else will see. You'd be surprised at how many guys are turned on by the 'librarian' look...The bottom line is ask him what he'd like, make it clear that its a play thing and DO IT.

Good luck

Answer 10

Probably. Although, there are a lot of Yahoos out there that don't know about addictions who will try to tell you it's normal and it's somehow OK. But, what hubby is doing is not only NOT normal, but totally destructive to your marriage. Now that he's admitted to not being able to control his own urges, you have an open door to getting him into therapy. Pick a counselor who specializes in sexual addictions (there aren't many out there). Make him get rid of all the video tapes and put blocks on the computer. Good luck with all of that. By the way, his addictions at NOT, I repeat (ARE NOT) a reflection of you in any way shape or form. It's a result of his own personality and character traits: impulsiveness, self-centeredness, impulse control.