what do you all think of this poem? i wrote it cuz i thought it would be easier than blabbing how i feel...?

Question

I need you...

Like the night sky without the moon and stars
LIke a good song on the radio in the car

I need you to protect me from it all
I need you to pick me up if I trip and fall

Like an empty room with no whispers of excitement
Like a statue without the stone made out of cement

I need you when the wind wants to blow me away
I need you when I want to hide in a dark hole til I start to decay

Like a poem with a verse or a line to rhyme with
Like Hercules and his myths

I need you more than you'll ever know
I need you like blood, in my veins which flows

My heart beats for you, my heart beats for your love
I sore when I look at you, like the eagles soring above

I need you to love move, for you like me for whom I am, and who I want to be
But what can't i make you see...

I need you...

The sky looks empty w/out the stars and the sky

And car is somethin' we both love.

Answer 1

WOW. That's really good, especially to someone like me who can't get a poem to rhyme!! It definitely expresses your emotions adequately.

Answer 2

In the 1st stanza the second line doesn't sound poetic at all specially when u've described the moon and the stars(in the 1st line).what the car has to do in your poem?lol.

1more thing i would like to tell u that all lines starting from Like are making your beautiful poem sound kinda boring and its carrying away the flow of your poem.According to me it should be like this.....



I need you to protect me whenever i give you a call.
I need you to pick me up if I trip and fall.

I need you when the wind wants to blow me away
I need you when I want to hide in a dark hole till I start to decay.

I need you more than you'll ever know
I need you like blood, in my veins which flows.

My heart beats for you and your love dear.
To me you are the only one who's so very near.

I need you to love 'Me', for you like me for whom I am,
and who I want to be.

Once again, I need you, only You!

Answer 3

A POEM IS NOT POURING OUT YOUR FEELINGS!!!

those exercises are what I call THERAPY - it's ok for you to do those and keep them to yourself. But they aren't poems.

A poem is nothing more than journalism - like taking a picture - reporting on an event - what did the guy's face look like when his car was smashed, that kind of thing. a snapshot.

it's not feelings.
I think it's great to get your feelings out, and to write it down in poetic form, but dont' try to make those public, and don't try to publish them. I write this type of thing too, but I keep them to myself. I don't publish them. The editors don't want them. I learned that long ago.

sorry I didn't tell you what you wanted to hear.

but it's fairly good for a feeling therapy thing though.

Answer 4

Very nice, I like it :)

Answer 5

Good work....