RELENTLESS MIND
your mind is my plaything
your spine, my puppet's string
wire's hooked into your heart
seeing to it that you play your part
you are seeing the world through my eyes
though I am indulged in your mind
you are mine to will
now you will rip, tear and kill
but the only kill is to be the one you love
drowning her in your blood
ending her with evil dispise
thinking you know the dirty secret's to her lies
the lies wich I had you spoon fed
along with the illusion's I planted in you head
pulling the string as if striking a chord in your death
tormenting, controlling you until I decide it's your last breath
2007-08-02 19:44:36 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
It's actually based on the idea of me cotrolling a guy.Just random like that.Thank you for all your thoughts and opinions!
2007-08-02 20:01:16 · update #1
No I'm not a crazy controll freak in relationships.That's not what I ment!
2007-08-02 20:25:05 · update #2
I think that this is actually pretty nice. You have the ideas all there, and it's something that people can get drawn into.
I, myself, find it fairly interesting, something that makes you really think about the meaning.
However, if you're looking for areas to improve, I believe you can clarify it a little more. You see, if i just read this, I feel like I can take it two different ways. If you're really trying to find a way to improve, you might want to focus on the way you want us to take it.
That's not saying that you must change it. By leaving it this way, you add an effect, that makes the reader wonder, which can be good in many ways.
2007-08-03 03:33:22 · answer #1 · answered by 584Regina 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
actually. Why? using fact I usually thank human beings whilst they supply me BA, and that i additionally choose for to work out who became chosen as BA on questions that I spoke back. each and every each and every so often i flow forward and flow away comments. in step with hazard it's going to additionally positioned a end to the persons who choose for to choose for a guy or woman as BA in order that as that they are able to start a debate that they have got not have been given any objective of ending. i do no longer think of there are too many stuff at here that annoy me better than that. it is totally passive aggressive, IMHO. (((MM)))
2016-10-09 02:54:17 · answer #2 · answered by dicken 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tormenting feeling in an out burst of poetic express gives relief to the suffering heart. Poem of feeling expressed continuously can be noted by all; but if it is expressed in a regular stanza style it will had beauty appreciated by all. A title to the poem will absorb the reader with interest to under the feeling accurately well.
2007-08-02 20:39:18 · answer #3 · answered by Ramesh STAR BLUE UNIVERSE ARTFIN 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel like someone is being tortured, and used...maybe manipulated... But it's an awesome poem, (i'm a writer too). It's very graphic...like i can see what's happening in my head. I absolutly love it.
2007-08-02 19:53:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
seems like a female manipulating a male somehow and the male found out and is in insanity/killed here
2007-08-02 19:53:42 · answer #5 · answered by jpofgs_jp 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
actually you are getting there. your concept is fairly good. but it's confusing. It needs editing.
a poem is like a breath - like fast - like a kodak moment. like simple. but you are getting there. it's fairly good, but it needs to be cleaned up a lot.
too wordy as it is now.
2007-08-02 22:47:04 · answer #6 · answered by art_flood 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
BRR .Rem,inds me of my EX!!loljk. great poem. GODBLESS U & yours with Peace,happiness & love, & hey have a great day eh!
2007-08-02 20:12:42 · answer #7 · answered by joeniceguy2005 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
like he's manipulating her
2007-08-02 19:48:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i like it. don't listen to art_flood. he hated mine!
2007-08-02 23:00:28 · answer #9 · answered by Jules or Juliet 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋