My Best Friends Dying Request?

Question

I am 23 I lost my best friend to a drunk driver almost 1 month ago shortly before he passed he asked me to Take care of his pregnant wife and 2 year old son, i assured him that I would and he was gone a few moments later. He was also 23 and so is his wife, we have all know eachother and been the best of friends since preschool. His wife Tonya is a stay at home mom with little to no family, and was left with no money only debts. I told her she could move into my 3 bedroom house with me I live alone, I should mention me and Tonya were a couple back in highschool. I have all at once found myself a father to a toddler, the sole bread winner, and emotional supporter. She has been wanting to sleep next to me at night (she wants to be held) nothing intamate, I feel very guilty about doing this. My life has changed so fast and in so many different ways, I feel I am doing the right thing, she has noone, how could I do any less? Am I crazy for putting myself this far out? I dont know how to feel

I feel I need to clairfy a few points. We do sleep in seperate beds in seperate rooms she only has asked for me to lay next to her and to be held while she falls asleep then I go to bed in my room. Also she has a 2 year old and is currently 6 months pregnant. Also there have been no advances made by her or from me to her. Do you think his wishes also meant for us to move on to pursue a relationship together when the time is right and the mourning has passed?

Answer 1

If you begin a relationship with her try not to feel too guilty. I'm sure he'd want her with you, a guy he loved and knew is a great guy, rather than some other man who may not treat her right.

It's up to her too of course, being in a relationship you might be too hard for her. It could make it harder for her to move on. Or she could fall in love with you for being there for her and her children.

I guess it all depends, but good luck. I hope you end up happy either way :)

Answer 2

I am so sorry for your loss! It certainly is difficult to try to understand why things like this happen!
I think that mostly your friend wanted to make sure she would be ok emotionally and financially and to have help get to her feet again. No one can tell you who to love or how to love. there are many who marry and fall in love with their spouse later! I think the most important thing is to be as supportive as possible. DONT rush into anything. Take it very slow and see where things lead. Neither of you should rush into a relationship with anyone including eachother yet. The wounds are still raw and choices could be made for all the wrong reasons! This is a huge responsibility, taking on her, the boy and one on the way! This could be an awesome relationship in the future, or you could be just an awesome friend by helping her get on her feet so she can move on with her life! It is also too soon I think to even talk to her about these ideas. Let things happen naturally. Dont encourage a relationship- at least not yet. Let her grieve. Try not to become overwhelmed. That will be tuff! No matter where your relationship goes from here, you are WONDERFUL for being there for her and the kids now!

Answer 3

Don't move too quickly. She is dependent on you right now for emotional support. It will be awhile before she is capable of making a resonable decision on a relationship with anyone else. Best to just sit on the sofa and hold her while watching a movie, until she falls asleep. The just cover her up and go to your own bed. It would be unfair to try to start a relationship right now. She is to emotionally unstable. She has just lost her husband, and she is pregnant. Both are very emotionally draining circumstances. She would be much to vunerable.

Answer 4

I am so sorry for your loss.

I have heard that it's very common for people who have experienced the death of someone so close to crave physical contact. Maybe she is lonely emotionally, so she is seeking physical companionship.
Maybe you and her were meant to be all along.
Only you can answer that.


I think that your friend would be happy to have you watch over his family, but I would also say to make sure that you are listening to what's in your heart and not acting on guilt. You don't have to have an intimate relationship with Tonya to take care of them and keep your promise.

I wish the best for you all.
<3

Answer 5

Well He asked u to take care of his familyso i think being with her is the best thing to do and if u think about it he would want both of u to b happy and the 2 year old needs a father because its real hard to grow up without a father because i know cuz my dad died when i was 4 and its hard cuz 4 me it would have been better if my mom would had found a guy when i was small so he could have raised me like if he was a real dad

Answer 6

Wow, sad to here this tragic story but this world has gone mad with D drivers . As far as I know from what you've said, he ask you and you promise to do your best without getting attached until time tells what is right. She needs a buddy to hang onto and your are there for that. In time you will make a decision and she'll probably understand.

Answer 7

I think you should if it feels right. I know in the bible they say if a man passes his brother will marry his wife. Also, my one of my best friend's dad died when he was very young, his uncle (dad's brother), married his mom and they have been together ever since. They also have 2 children together.
It would not be considered bad at all for you to do this, if you were truly this man's friend then you are honoring his request. Also, this woman is only 23, obviously she is going to find another man in her life, I bet your friend would be happy to find out that it was you. Best of luck to you brother. God's blessing to you.

Answer 8

You knew your friend. Would he mind if you got with his wife when he is gone? I think he wouldn't mind because he trusted you to look after his wife while he was gone. Now he's gone forever and you are taking care of and supporting his wife and child. He would be thankful and proud. Before you die, you know people are going to be sad about it, and you would want them to be happy. You should be happy, but don't break her heart.

Answer 9

i think as long as you r not attracted to her in any way, or her you, and it is nothing but platonic what u r doing right now is fine. but if either of u makes an advance, it must stop or youll do sumthing u regret. i dont think he MEANT u to pursue a realationship with her, just comfort each other because u both loved him

so srry for your loss :(

Answer 10

i think that that is a very sweet thing you have done. but i also feel that when she is ready, you both should move on. its not fair to you or her to feel obligated to live with eachother the rest of your lives. i do think that you being there is definatly helping her, and God bless you for it. Im sure that your friend would be happy to know that you have done this for him and his family. I dont think you are crazy, or putting yourself out. if she feels she can try to do things on her own, let her go for it and incourage her every step. God bless and good luck- ry