Help, family is breaking apart?

Question

This has been an ongoing pattern throughout my parents marriage. My mother would always get upset over a thing which she considers as 'utterly important to the family.' Over time when things occur, my father is always at fault. I am getting low grades. "Blame the husband! Hes a bad father!" Oh your son lied to me. You are such an irresponsible father. My mother has been such a nuissance ever since my birth which my father never experienced when they were dating. My father has regretted ever since of their marriage. My mom would scream in vain as if 500 speakers were in the room, eyes explode in redness, and even curse and use a powerful word, hate. I've lost my tolerance for my mom's horrible attitude toward me and my father to the point I deem her as a Bipolar disorder statistic. She hates being criticized. I can't even call her a bipolar victim or she will scream at me. Another thing is her mood swings are extreme. A few weeks she is happy followed by rage. This pattern sucks.

Now I'm starting to horribly dislike my mother. Not necessarily her as an individual, but her corrupt nature and character. My dad and I want to avoid divorce as much as possible, but my mom is always encouraging it. She always jump to the conclusions. So here is what happened three days ago. My neighbor invited the whole family to go to dinner. Mom was in the shower, so my dad and I decided to go. We came back at night and mom was perfectly normal. The following day she entered rage as if she was the devil's pet. She claims my dad as disloyal. She said oh my dad always went jogging with my neighbor without her. My dad's intentions were never like those by heart, but my mom thought so. Remember she jumps to the conclusions. It's really difficult to give my point of view because 1. She cannot be criticized. 2. She risks a heart attack from high blood pressure. (as a result of bipolar) 3. Anything that objects her perspective would be depicted as false and a 'threat to the family'

It's been so bad to the point I wanted to add some lithium carbonate into her bloodstream. (It is a form of mood stabilizer) I also became more aware of who I hang out with; people with a horrid personality like that of my mother must always be avoided when it comes to serious relationships. My dad was the unforunate one as he never experienced this rageful symptom in his dating days. This is hard. Bipolar disorder, although has not been diagnosed or confirmed by any licensed psychiatrist, appears to be destroying her life. My mother is destroying herself. She thinks everyone looks down on her. She's disgusting.

I greatly appreciate your responses. Counseling has never been effective; in fact, it has worsened my parent's relationship because 1. My mom hates being criticized. She thinks my dad and I blame her at fault. 2. My mom places her instincts above all others - that is nothing can object her point of view, otherwise she will boil. 3. Because she is from Taiwan, she would often find these counselors, American born chinese or of some other race, wrong because they are against the taiwanese values. (Yes I'm like wtf.) I've talked to my dad about it and he is very lost. We called the counseling hotline numerous times and they are very unhelpful. Their tactics were to soothe the caller, which would never work because my mom would always pour gasoline onto the burning flame. Now just a few seconds ago my mom was trying to drive the car, apparently to leave the family or even possibly, suicide. This is very shocking. I locked the garage doors. Now my parents are just stuck in the garage, lost.

I'm currently 17 and I've witnessed this throughout my whole lifetime. It's very sad. I'll go pray and hopefully God answers..

11:12PM. I told my mother she is making us suffer. She used the word hate, boldy and appreciates our suffering. This is pathetic. It's hard not to judge, but especially as this develops continuously within your 17 years of life on this earth, judging is the only way to release all that anger. Sorry forgot to mention, I never said she was bipolar in person, it was just my point of view. I came to that conclusion because based on my experience with other bipolar victims and my life living through this hell; it was the best diagnosis I would give as a result. Her bloodline: sisters parents and nephew all have the same symptoms. Again, I can't mention counseling, psychiatrist, or a doctor otherwise she would hate me for bullying or criticizing her. She would also disagree that she needs help because she always puts the blame on my father that was responsible for this mess, not mentality. Prayer? I guess it's almost useless since chance of "No" is dominant over "Yes."

Answer 1

I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. I can't imagine what it feels like, but I feel sadness in your question. Talk to your dad about how you're feeling. Tell him you think counseling might be good for everyone involved, and that you need some help in how to deal with these issues. Good luck!

Answer 2

Bipolar is a horrible thing to have to live with. What you probably don't realize is that your mother can not even stand herself when she goes into these rages. She needs to get psychiatric help before she loses her family. Please talk to your dad about getting marriage counseling. The therapist will recognize the symptoms, and refer your mother to a psychiatrist for medication. Otherwise you will just have to remember that she is not responsible for what is happening to her. Her brain functions are causing the rages. Also, she is probably suffering from depression many times. This is dangerous because she may try to take her life. If she is not experiencing depression with the problems then she may just be allergic to some foods, or have some sort of chemical poisoning in her system. Anyway, she needs to be check out immediately before it gets worse.

If she refuses help, unfortunately, it is best for you and your dad to remove yourselves from the situation before she gets so violent that she physically hurts one of you.

I am so sorry that you have to live like that. It is a difficult life for you and your dad. Good Luck getting the help that your mother needs.

Answer 3

i say ask the doctor 2 put her on lithium even though most people who suffer from bipolar only need it during an episode by the way ur dicribing ur mom it seems as if shes in 1 most of the time

yeah it might be good 2 avoid divorces ive had 2 deal w/ the effects of 1 ( another in the process of happening)

(family counseling might help 2)

Answer 4

Sweetheart, you can not solve this problem. You can only decide how to respond to it. I would find a local church with a strong support-based youth group and focus your attention on keeping your mind tranquil and at peace through studying the word of God, which is filled with information that can help you to keep your mental state stable, in spite of the chaos that is going on around you. You must not judge your mother. Rally around her with prayer and let God do the work. I will say a prayer for her and your family right now. You will find strength in all of this. Keep your head and spirits up, even though it's difficult right now. Let God take care of it. Okay sweetie?

Answer 5

Verbal abuse by your mother is what it sounds like, both to your father & you. Not that isn't something this cite can deal with so unless you & your dad can get professional help for your mom, it's unlikely to change. This sounds like a perfect show for Dr. Phil on t.v. Since it takes a professional to diagnose bipolar, I hesitate to comment on that, but I am amazed at your insight. You perfectly describe characteristics of the disease. Hope this rotten childhood motivates you to become a Dr. You'd be great in psych medicine. Good luck.

Answer 6

people who have bipolar disorder can't help how they act. i am bipolar and i wouldn't want my friends disowning me just because of a result of genetics from my moms side and adhd from my dads side. don't hate people who have that, i know it's hard for you to be around your mom when shes like that. get her to go to a psychologist, immediately..my mom denied i had bipolar disorder for a long time, this year it had gotten worse and i am just now on stuff.
BELIEVE ME it is NOT EASY FOR THE PERSON WHO HAS SOMETHING WRONG. DO NOT STOP caring about your mom because she can't help it. the pattern sucks for you, but the pattern is worse for her. it is not fun wanting to bash your hands in a wall and want to knock out every person that comes in your path. she seems like she is a hypomanic, which is GREAT, because she's not one step up to being insane by a landslide and heading straight to an asylum.
GET HER HELP ASAP.

Answer 7

She is having highs and lows of bipolar disorder My dad is bipolar and that's what he calls it! Is she on bipolar medication if not maybe you & your dad need to talk to her doctor without her. Even if she's on meds. it has to be adjusted for each individual . Good Luck

Answer 8

You could be very well be right... she could be bipolar. But she gets so angry because, you haven't said here, but I don't think you are a doctor and capable of making diagnoses like that. And you telling her that she is bipolar makes her angrier because in her eyes, she DOES have reason to be angry. Try talking to her when she is in one of her "happy" moods about how angry she gets. Remind her how much you love her but she is hurting you and your dad's feelings by being so angry all the time. Good luck!

Answer 9

I am really sorry to hear all of this. It is really sad for a child to have these feelings about his own mother. Sit her down and show her your question and ask her if all of you can go for some help. Don't be affraid to cry, she deserves for you to give her all you got inside. Best Wishes.

Answer 10

she really needs therapy,, something MUST of happened between both of them.. maybe your father cheated.. they must talk about it. before they get a devorse,tell her what you feel. try giving her a letter.maybe that will open her mind a bit.Thad seem more like a reflection of your feelings rather then criticism I'm sorry.
and good luck..