Why are my husband and I like strangers who know each other very well?

Question

I met my husband when I was 18, he was 20. It has been 3 years and now he and I are married with a daughter. We used to be the best of friends. Now when we do spend time together we hardly say anything and we both have an awful time. I used to invite him to come hang out with my friends and vise versa, but we both never enjoyed ourselves, so we both kind of gave up. Even when we hang out with our mutual friends him and I don't interact. Now when we do talk 90% of the time we are fighting. Our "love" life is less then spectacular. I know that our chance's for divorce are high being that we were so young when we got married. I’m not ready for divorce yet. I want to be more connected to him again, but I just don't know how. I also want to try and not fight so much. How can I bring back our friendship and not fight so much?

Answer 1

It seems you are determined to save your marriage and you want it to last. The problem here is that you are only able to achieve this if both of you will do your best. Otherwise, with only one person willing to change things, it will never work.
Just talk to him and listen to what he says. Explain him your feelings.
Things may work out well for your family. I wish you good luck and never give up!!

Answer 2

First of all, you both are probably at a crossroads where your personal growth is concerned. You both need to learn how to communicate peacefully and effectively with one another, and fast. If you let it go you may not be able to stop the direction you are going in. Many of us who are divorced kept severing our relationships so that by the time we sought the tools to keep it together it was too late. It's the kind of thing you realize after the fact. It sounds like you two may have a chance though. You may consider reading some couples help books to grow together in your understanding of each other. Try reading.."Love and Respect"......"Why Love is Not Enough"...."Love is Never Enough" and "His Needs, Her Needs"................If you can get through these reads together and open up to each other emotionally, then there is a very good chance that you both will rediscover each other and grow a much greater appreciation for one another. In the alternative, you will at least be able to identify and address the problems you are both experiencing in your relationship. Don't take my advice litely please. It's important that you both work on your marriage as soon as possible.

Answer 3

How about a hobby that the two of you can share? Tennis maybe? You guys could play every Saturday at one and it would time for the two of you to connect. You'd have something to talk about at other times... tease each other over the last game, etc.

How about just a night out? Have your mom keep your daughter overnight and go out for dinner and a movie or to a club. Then finish off the evening at home, just the two of you.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Why not propose to him a separate date with friends selected from your mutual best friends? Say to him to select among your girl friends he is interested to date with for the rest of the day, and allowing you too to have date with your own choice of guy in a separate place for the rest of the day? after dating, you can measure how important of each other for you after having experienced a date with a new partner?

Both of you will promise to be back at home before day break, and then ask each one to tell the details what had happened that dates?

Observe what will happen to your feelings to each other? If both of you are open to your relationship and you communicate oftenly before sleeping, nothing wrong to experiment what lacking in your married life?

You know, both of you is seems losing ineterest due fading relationship and you need a spice-up to enhance the feeling of regaining it back what lost in your fires between you. Both of you need to be thrusted, honest, understanding to other's need and not to be jealouse to avoid fighting with?

Answer 5

many people get married young... thats no big deal.... our grandparents got married very young... when they were 13 or 14 yrs.... big deal... they are still together....

the secret is that u adjust and look at things through another persons eyes... dont wait for reasons to fight.... women generally are more adjusting then men... make sacrifices.... when he comes home smile... give him a hug... u may feel he doesnt mean it .. thats ok... everything takes time.... watch this documentry film... its called "the secret"... practice what they say.. u'll be a happy person...

one important advice... plzzzzzzzzz dont fight in front of ur child....

Answer 6

In my opinion, you both should show maturity atleast for the child. You both along with your daughter go out occassionally (not with friends) like going for a movie or dinner. This way, your love life will blossom.

Good luck and God bless.

Answer 7

you.2. need to set down and talk this out you both knew once married things would change but leave your friends out of this matter or you listen to them instead of each other good luck and never give up on a good marrage it really sounfs from your typing you have one dont throw it away . my opion?

Answer 8

You had some books recommended to you that are good, especially "His Needs, Her Needs." I just want to add one more to that list. "The Five Love LAnguages" by Chapman needs to be read by every married couple and every engaged couple too.

Answer 9

you answered your own question, you go tmarried too young and that spells disaster. unless you see a couples therapist and really try to make it work, then the odds are you are right where you think you are now...headed for a divorce

Answer 10

you figure this out let me know. i think when the magic is gone it is gone. but when there is no passion what else is there?