is it natural to NOT want to find anybody?

Question

My wife left me, and there is no chance of her coming back.

I don't want to be one of those people that get married, divorced and married again. I do not want to deal with the whole relationship thing again. I feel I had met my soul mate, and because of things out of my control, I lost her.

Is this natural? I really feel different than I ever had before in my life- what do you think?

Answer 1

it's not unusual....

Answer 2

I am not really answering your question just telling you how I handled it. I was married to the man of my dreams and I loved the grown he walked on but like many couples we got married for love and never discussed how we were going to be as husband and wife. He wanted me home shooting out babies and i wanted a career. So after several years we seperated. It hurt me to the core that I could not make my marriage work because no one was cheating he did not beat me so why couldn't I make it work.

Anyway I left the marriage with one child and felt so alone but he was a good father and always took care of our daughter and he even showed me he still cared but we wanted different things in life.

I swore I was going to stay alone for ever and I did for 8 years. Then I met a man who I know the relationship was going no where but he was something to do, hang out with and just a good friend over all. I then not expecting or not planning got pregnant while I was five months pregnant he married someone I did not even know was in his life so again I said I can't do this anymore I am going to raise my children and not look for anyone.

Now I am married and I love my husband so much we did something I did not do in the past and the was communicate make sure our goals were the same our idea of family is the same and my children love him. The thing is I was not looking for love but it slapped me upside the head the first time I saw my husband.

So I understand how you feel just be you and if is to ever happen again it will but if it doesn't at least you knew what love was once.

I hope you are going to be okay right now my first husband is remarried as well to a very lovely women and she loves my daughter so much. This past weekend they had a cook out and my husband and I were invited and we had a good time all together. So my divorce was a good thing in the long run.

Good luck

Answer 3

Well, there is alot of good advice out there but here I go: Yes it is okay to feel that way, My husband left me, and I felt like I lost my soul mate and I didn't want to deal with anybodys bull. And trust me, I do know how you feel, cuz this just happened recently to me. You seem like a great guy, and give it time. It's true, you may never want to marry again, or it may take you quite a few years dating someone before even thinking that way. That's how my brother is now(also divorced). So don't worry about anything, and just start doing things for yourself, and have fun!
Jennifer

Answer 4

It's natural to feel this for a while at least. I am divorced (three times), yeah I know, sounds like a real loser. But part of me felt that I couldn't trust my judgement again with men, because I kept picking the wrong one. Then I started to feel that I would be better off alone than with someone because of how it complicates your life. Well, three years after the last divorce I finally let someone into my life again. For years I was convincing myself I didn't need or want anyone. It was a way of protecting myself from being hurt again. But once I dropped my guard and considered the possibility of being with someone again, I was finally happy again. It's very normal to feel what you are feeling and you may never want to be with someone again. Each situation is different and if you were hurt enough before, then you may never let your guard down again. And there is nothing wrong with that. It takes guts to put your heart out there again.

Answer 5

it is a natural feeling. i have been there twice the second time, i thought nothing could ruin. as i had my second wife on a pedestal. yet she left with another guy. i am now in a relationship that has lasted 15 years, we have been married + divorced and lost more than money. so my love today and i decided to not live with each other. but to spend weekends together and sometime during the week. it works well for us, we also have a 10 yr old son. so do not spend the rest of your life alone.

Answer 6

You have not gotten over the loss of the person you loved and your probably never will entirely. However, there may come a time when you meet someone special again and will be able to feel some of the things you felt in your first relationship. Every relationship is different and I really hope that you do not isolate yourself from anyone that might be a possibility. Love comes into our lives in silence sometimes, give it another chance soon, you will not regret it.

Answer 7

u are still mourning the loss u have undergone, accepting that soemthing u thought woudl last forever is no more. take ur time to work out ur feelings of sadness, anger, betrayal, etcv. look at the reasons why it ended objectively and see what u could have done different. look also at what the whole experience has impacted on u. u will be a better person for having worked thru the whole thing alone without the complications of another emotional relationship.

then one day when u are really ok and not even looking, love may fall on ur head-bam! if it does it will be great, if it doesn't u will be at peace with urself.

Answer 8

I have been where you are right now and I want you to know that I am very sorry for your pain. My first husband done the same thing to me. I decided right then and there when he left I never wanted to love or get married again. I went to college worked all the time went out drinking with my friends and I just shut down. But 5 years later I found one man that treated me with respect and he showed me that I could learn to trust and to love again and I promise you that this too will happen to you it will just take time. Good Luck!!! Don't give up You will find your true soul mate just be patient. All women aren't bad

Answer 9

I felt the same way after my first marriage ended. I was young (23) when I left. I dated some, and had a couple of serious relationships, but none that I would have married. Out of the blue, 12 years later, I found the person that I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. Just live your life, enjoy other people when you are ready, and you will be fine.

Answer 10

You may feel that way now, and it perfectly normal, but give it time and you will want that love and commitment again. Especially if you were happy in this last marriage. I lost my husband back in 2000 and didn't think I would ever find someone else. It took some time and a few wrong choices but I did find him and wouldn't trade him for the world. I wish you the best of luck and if you ever need someone look me up, I'm just a message away.

Answer 11

I spent three years asking the same thing. No one around me wanted to say anything except "it's for the best". Don't wait for anyone of your wedding guests to stand up (if they didn't object to union at the wedding, why won;t they object to breakup now?). They and everyone else will show you what a marriage certificate is worth: $0. The Divorce decree is what is valued in America. Protect yourself with a good attorney. My wife of 13 years left me (pushed me out of relationship) and I felt like you do now. In many ways I still do. Yet I did find someone else who loves me. I will never believe in forever love anymore, but I'll be happy with someone who wants me rather than try to hang onto someone who doesn't. Your ex doesn't deserve the satisfaction of seeing you alone. You don't have to ever be remarried to allow yourself to live a better life (unless you're thinking of becoming a priest!). Good luck.