What do you think, honest opinions - constructive critics!?

Question

Beleive they say, have faith and happiness will come your way. We all have our lessons to learn, the piper to pay. I see the wicked feeding on opportunity while the pure just try to earn a dollar. I see the so called successful and the ruin from their path disgraceful. Lying witness to the world turning in the wrong direction has left me with no intention. It seems the darker the soul, the faster to reach the goal. The pure at heart, lose from the start. Leading the way with the faith that prosperity comes only when struggle survives.

Thanks! I appreciate the comments. I do agree content is good but does need revision. I found an old notebook of stuff I wrote, but never looked back, so it is a bit free flow and raw! I usually use free flow then go back and revise. In my own opinion, not enough people "just write to write" Sometimes the best items come from free flow, then reworking...I could be wrong, just my thoughts. Thanks again!

Answer 1

accualy i like it

mose poetry people post here is dark or about an ex gf or bf

good job

Answer 2

I like to see people trying to write Poetry .
The first thing is to learn if want to write Poetry, is to buy a small wire bound not book and if you feel something to write about when you are out or at home , write it down .
poetry must flow from the heart, when you can feel what you are writing, than it will come easy.
I feel from what you wrote is a sense of disappointment lose and loneliness , there are some good lines but if you are trying to express life it needs a lot of work.
PS feel free to ask further help .

Answer 3

As prose, not bad; as poetry, it needs work. Start by adding line breaks, don't be lazy. Line breaks tell us where to pause and where to breathe, they also help with syntax and phrasing. You're "telling" us something, but you should be "showing" us something...that's what makes it more "prose" than "poetry". I hope you understand what I mean.

You have a good command of the language, now get in touch with the poet and start painting a poem instead of penciling us a schematic in prose.

Answer 4

It's a good poem but you need to develop
a better style of stanza.
You have to work on your wording as well.
But the message is definitely the highlight
of your artistic talents.
You've go SKILLS, but you need to keep
working on rounding off your poem so that
it's more user-friendly.
Make your package more marketable and you'll be taking the world by storm.
Best of luck.

Answer 5

It started with a smooth flow, but then you lost it.

It needs some work but I like what it is you are attempting to say.

Break it up and work on it piece by piece (Stanza to Stanza).
Makes it easier to read and work with.

Look closely at the words you are using for in some places the words you have do not really work.

Do you have a thesaurus?

Peace,
Sam