When lookin' out the window, what do you see?

Question

Lookin' Out The Window

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Fiery tap water anxiously flowed
I see Niagara, churning up soap
For an instant, I'm there, truly amazed
A "tap" on the hip snaps me out of daze



Barely overheard to the sink filling up,
Was the voice of my Linleigh requesting a cup?
T'was not for a drink but, to go out and play
With sand, mud and water (her plans for the day)



Easing in dishes and silverware
I lived among "suds" my gaze unaware
Creating "sud" people, "sud" homes and a town
Even "sud" cars that were driving around!



Yet another small voice brought me right back
Matthue came in for just a few snacks
A surprise for the others playing outside
I glanced out the window with pure peace of mind



Shutting the "tap" down and grabbing a sponge
I drift away to those days I was young
Playing ball, running and climbing up trees
Now I watch my children do all of these

Startled by Trae, we both get a laugh
He came in to ask where the football was at
I said "I'm not sure, when did you last play?"
"Maybe the dogs have got it today!"



We giggled then I got back to the dishes
Daydreaming of when I too was quite "boyish"
With only two girls, me and my mother
I had to play hard (being raised with four brothers)


Tylar had come in, searching for Trae
He'd found the football and wanted to play
"Where did you find it?" "I'll show you" he said
"Just look out the window, it's on the dogs bed!"



Yes it was true, Girlee, Elvis and Pheobe
Had a few balls in their bed ('cause they’re sneaky)
Two boys hurried through the back door to the porch
Ready for a touchdown (or the very first “score”)



Then in came Mercedi (the first born of the clan)
And as usual, she had come up with a plan
She gathered a hammer, two poles and the net
(They’re all going to play some volleyball I bet)

Scrubbing the burn off an old cookie sheet
I hear my kids singing so I hum the beat
Surprising, a song I had loved from the eighties
Madonna’s entitled “Papa Don’t preach”



The dish water draining, I spray out the sink
Start rinsing the dishes and building up sync
Suddenly, outside something catches my eye
As I look out the window and see all those smiles



Five wonderful, curious, playful faces
All their minds racing through far off places
One can’t be sure of they will become
A doctor, a lawyer or maybe a musician



Drying the dishes and silverware
I live in the future among their careers
I see their success and families to be
Broadening the branches of our family tree


Now, all children file in as the last dish is dried
(What could be the matter?) So I set aside,
Those once happy children now one sad looking bunch
(“Oops, where’s my head at?) It’s time for lunch!”

The children have eaten and gone back to play
Who knew that I’d have dish paned hands all day?
My sink is now filled and the “suds” are back too
I’m looking out the window with more dishes to do!

(Sigh)

Answer 1

Shad, I can't see your entire poem in this reply window. However, I notice a few items right away. "out of daze" should be "out of my daze", don't use "t'was", just say "was" or "it was"...t'was sounds too contrived and in the context of your poem, it doesn't do it justice. Also, try "Mathhue came in to ask for a snack". Then, try "shutting down the tap and grabbing a sponge" or even the simpler, "turning off the water and grabbing a sponge" or "turning off the faucet and grabbing a sponge"...rather than putting "tap" into quotes.

that's where your poem ends in this window...but overall I'd say you have a nice poem here. A few edits that you could make yourself just by having someone else read this out loud to you. Your ear is good enough to pick them up if someone else is reading (I'm sure of it).

nice work, keep writing

Answer 2

When i look though my window sill at night i see the moon shining in the night and the stars that twinkle without fail.
A sing song tale, of a mocking bird.
The endless navy blue sky that caries on for miles.
The unseen places that have yet to be discovered.
In the day when its bright i see the bright light of the sun.
As if the earth has come undone,
the whizzing of cars driving down my street,
On their way to my old high school creek,
This is what i see.
That was a great poem Shad i loved it, it really reflects on your memories. Keep Writting!

Answer 3

When i read this you have given a perfect example of similar thoughts and emotions going through every mother......as she goes through her motherly responsibilities......all the thoughts and feelings that goes in her head and body without speaking it out loud being snapped back into reality every now and again as the children made their daily demands....or some of us what will demand our attention at that time.

I would like to share with you on a topic that my friends and me had some serious thoughts and discussion on. Why do we now we are older come to realize and appreciate our childhood. We come to an answer agreed by most that we are truly happy at that time in life...why? because we don't have responsibilities to worry or think of, as we are not mature enough and our cognitive development have not allow us to think to such an extend.......and we cannot have that opportunity back once more now that we are adults no matter how we try........and as mothers (my friends and me) we all agree that we want and will try our best to make opportunities for our children to have this to enjoy their childhood as much as they can before soon they will not have this opportunity once they grow up.

Answer 4

I will tell you what I see when I look out the window.
depending on the direction, one will never know
if its early in the morning, I might see a hot air balloon
but it would be noon.
Looking out in the west
I would see the area what used to be the garden
and beside that would be the railway track.
Looking south if the timing is bad I would see
that I missed the bus.

Answer 5

Well, it's kinda dark out there, every once in a while a car goes by and a lightning flashes it's light at me, other than that, not much. Ever think about getting a dishwasher installed?

Answer 6

Wow! Very good poem! All I was going to say was:
Looking out the window, what do I see?
Bunches of kitties looking for me.
Walnuts ripening on the tree.
Husband looking for his destiny.
A zinnia blooming; no, one..two..three!
A dove flying happy to be free.
Mom sitting alone; yep, it's me!

Answer 7

I see a mommy, just like me, experiencing motherhood at 85 gs

Answer 8

I see a thunderstorm, because I have been betrayed by someone I truely trusted.

Answer 9

I see you daydreaming with the water and the faucet.

Answer 10

well i see the whole of durban well of cause the one side of it,it looks beautifull and calm,just like your poem i like it its good