there is the guy who claims he has never been in love EVER so when he met this woman who he fell hard for so he says he became over posessive over her. he claims that every man has the same way of thinking that no man can be trusted around his woman because she is very attractive. his woman is very faithfil ans she is very attractive but his jealousy to me seems unhealthy, he has accused her pastor or wanting her down to the lowest form fo guys that she would not give the time of day. my question is is this guy innocently crazy in love or is he posessive also add extra advice about how that could ruin the relationship
2007-08-02 12:21:34 · 12 answers · asked by fire sign 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
she has never given him any reason to act this way do you think he can change or should she leave because they are thinking about marrige
2007-08-02 12:24:20 · update #1
this guy is both crazy in love and possessive. when you find someone you love, that understands and accepts you, you sometimes will do everything not to lose him or her.
if she is as attractive as he thinks she is he should be concerned about others coming on to her. men are nasty most of us will "do" anything that has hole between its leg pastors included (see the Catholic priest).
however he should learn to love himself. if his self-esteem is so low that he defines his existence through this woman the relationship will probably never work and could end badly for everyone involved.
this man should also trust her(especially if she has done nothing wrong). if she is untrustworthy then he should move on. there are over 3 billion women on earth i am sure he can find one.
2007-08-02 12:37:53 · answer #1 · answered by "GoSANE" 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is not normal, it is very very dangerous. This guy is NOT telling the truth about never being in love before. People who love for the first time so do not have such raging jealousy. He has been in love before and he has been hurt. He just doesn't wish to admit it.
Jealousy is not about loving somebody anyway. It is about controlling another human being. Jealousy is one of the most dangerous emotions we can have, because it can and does turn ugly, violent, and people get hurt, they get killed.
Jealousy is about control, simply control. This young woman doesn't have to do a single thing, he uses this for control. If he can convince her that she is somehow so loved by him that he can't control his behavior, that in order for her to keep this huge love that is so jealous she needs to do what he says in order to keep the jealousy at bay, then he controls her every action.
Once he convinces her that she is so loved and that love is responsible for this crazy jealousy, and therefore she must do whatever it takes to keep the jealousy in check, then he ownes her. He can get her to do just about anything he wants her to do. After all, he loves her right? Since he loves her so much that he is so jealous, then isn't it her responsibility to do whatever she can to tame his beast, his jeaslousy? Because jealousy is a beast, it consumes just like a beast, it causes fear just like a beast.
Who would wish to live in such circumstances? To live in constant fear that the jealousy will raise it ugly head and hurt her? Because he will hurt her, both emotionally and physically. As she grows in the relationship she will get sick of his jealousy, of not having any say in her own life, and not having any freedom. To not be able to hold a conversation with the entire half of the human population simply because a man is jealous is sickening. How will she hold down a job if he is so jealous of even her paster? Men will be in contact with her at work, he will cost her jobs, and how will she then get by once she has a bad work record? He will run off her freinds, isolate her, because that is what jealous people do. They start being jealous of just men, then it is the time she spends with her girlfriends, and pretty soon she will be totally isolated and then the abuse, the physical abuse will begin.
No, this is really, really bad, and I hope you can convince her that she would be very foolish to believe him and be with him. She deserves so much more than to lose her friends, family, and become this mans slave. By slave I mean he will have her afraid to do anything that raises his jealousy, and pretty soon, everything she does will raise his jealousy. He will work on her mind and convince her it is her responsibility not his because he "loves" her so much.
Who needs such a sick and twisted form of love? It is twisted and sick too. People who love us do not accuse us of morally reprehensible actions without any foundation. People who love us want what will bring us happiness and fullfillment. People who love us do not want to own us, or control us but they trust us, and treasure us. They are good to us, respect and honor us.
http://www.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith_60/78_dating_advice.html
http://www.answers.com/topic/jealousy
I hope you can convince this young woman how bad this relationship will be for her. You are a wonderful friend to care so much. Look up jealousy on the Internet and you will find all sorts of informaiton to provide your friend. Here are two I found just putting the word "jealousy" into the browser search box. Good luck and I hope you can help your friend. Have a great day!
2007-08-02 19:42:38 · answer #2 · answered by Serenity 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he restricts the things she is allowed to do, his controlling . If he just gets possesive around other men, then his smart!! Men can not be trusted..!! and being a man he obviously knows this. If she isnt complaining and shes not covered in bruises then stay out of their life.
2007-08-02 19:26:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
He's probably right that all guys want the same thing, but still, he's non-trusting of her to be faithful. That could be a real problem if it continues.
2007-08-02 19:26:59 · answer #4 · answered by djt0704 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this man has some insecurity issues ..and yes he is very possessive..if your friend..or shall i say you..if you feel like dealing with this behavior for the rest of yall lives...then stay ...otherwise if you have told him and you dont see improvement its only going to get worse..hes going to want you to not go anywhere soon and stay home with him all the time..and keep you off the phone....
2007-08-02 19:27:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can be over jealous and in love. It's not a good trait but it happens to goo people.
If they are both happy with the relationship I do not know why it is your place to be asking questions based on if they should be getting married!
2007-08-02 19:27:10 · answer #6 · answered by deathbykerosene 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Jealousy stems from insecurity, he has something he wants to keep and is afraid of losing it. It really has nothing to do with her, just his lack of security in himself, and I have found that a lot of women find that sort of insecurity in themselves.
2007-08-02 19:41:29 · answer #7 · answered by Jim C 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he's insecure not in love. I can see problems in this future relationship so she better get out while she can and meet someone who is mentally healthier.
2007-08-02 19:26:35 · answer #8 · answered by jojo 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He has trust and sel-esteem issues. Your friend should leave him alone. He's not likely to change without counseling.
2007-08-02 19:27:44 · answer #9 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
its hurt inside me pain never gonna end ..if you loose your 1 and only...... theres room.... here for the lonely ...watch your broken dreams dancein in and out of the beams from a neon moon.... so he better he change his tune
2007-08-02 19:45:17 · answer #10 · answered by quen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋