mother informs you after 30 years u have an older brother, how do u react ?

Question

this effects a lot more than me

sorry shud have mentioned some mothers just dont care about their kids

Answer 1

Depending on the age of your mother, you will need to understand the era that she grew up in. Even less that 30 years ago, it was common for unwed mothers to be sent away to give birth and put that child up for adoption, it was common as early as the 1980's because I remember a few girls who all of a sudden disappeared for several months and then returned to school later. Everyone pretty much knew why. But back then unwed pregnant girls were shunned, and treated badly. If this is your mother, then she probably had no choice but to go away because her parents made her, and all people involved probably told her that there was no chance of this child ever seeking her out. Now we find that those who were givien up for adoption are seeking their birth parents. This does not make her a bad person. This child may have also be conceived due to rape or incest by a family member. I am sure this is a shock to all involved, but she was afraid then just as she is now. The reason she did not want to tell is because she is and was afraid that it would rip her family to shreds, and everone would think less of her....the woman always get the blame in situations like this.....just as it was back then. Best thing to do, is to go ahead and cry cry cry, and try to see it through the scared shunned little girl she was back then. She probably went through a great deal of name calling along with her parents. Once you have come to terms with it, then you need to embrace and accept this older brother, he did not ask to be shunned as his birth mother was, and it does not mean that she loves you any less. It should be a great joy....there are lessons to be learned here, and I hope that you are able to figure the lesson out.

Answer 2

Try thinking about it from your mother's point of view. I'm sure she had a good reason at the time. If she was young and unmarried, she was probably very confused, conflicted, and scared as all get out. She chose adoption as opposed to abortion? I'm sorry, but this is not a mark of a selfish person. You cannot carry a child around for 9 months, bond with that child as your body goes through astronomical changes, and when you deliver, look that baby in the eyes, kiss him one last time, knowing you will probably never see him again, then hand him over to a pair of individuals you have never met and trust they will love this child with everything she was not able to give him. That, my friend, is the ultimate sacrifice. She probably feels now as she is getting older that she is ready to absolve herself of some of the feelings and heartache she has carried around for all these years, and to try and make peace with herself. Give her a break, she's been through her own emotional hell for 30 years.

Answer 3

Look him up. Try to establish a relationship with him. I would think some people would welcome having a new family member they knew nothing about. I was informed when I was 12 years old that I have a younger half sister who's six years younger than me. When I was 24 years old I tried contacting her and she would have nothing to do with me. As far as I'm concerned that bridge has been burned. For her anyway. So enjoy the process of learning all about him and finding out all the things you two have in common. My point is, don't reject him 'cause in the end you could regret it big time.

Answer 4

Walk a mile in your Mothers shoes.

How was it for her over the last 30 years?
Did she her son? Was it all her fault that he did not grow up with you? Did she spend sleepless hours wondering how her darling daughter would take the news? Did she think that if she acknowledged her son she would lose the respect of her daughter? Was there times that she cried alone with no-one to talk to about it?

How about you act all grown up and welcome this sibling into your home - then you will see just how proud a mother can be of her child!

Good luck my darling - do the right thing.
All will be well.

Answer 5

One would have to know more about the situation than just having an older, unknown brother. Was your mom young when she had him? Did she give him up for adoption? Was she married and her husband get custody? There are so many unanswered questions here. But the main thing is what kind of mom has she been to you! Has she always been there for you? People make a lot of mistakes when they're young and sometimes are afraid to tell their children about them for fear of loosing them. Listen to your mom. Ask her what she wants you to do? Does your mom want to see her son? If so, support her. When you truly love somebody you will stand by them. If your mom gave up a child for good reason, then she most assured loved him enough to make sure he had a good stable home.

Answer 6

be happy. enjoy the fact that you now have a big brother. this happened to someone i know a few yrs ago. actually i know the mom. she'd had a son from a previous marriage that her daughters weren't aware of. they didn't know b/c her second husband, who she'd recently divorced was an *sshole, and there were other circumstances beyond her control.when the girls found out, they were taken back a little but love him, and the idea of having a big bro.

Answer 7

Well what is done is done. I would find out all the facts and go from there. Just remember the older brother is a victim in this.

Answer 8

This happened to someone in our family, long after her mother had died. She was of course shocked that no one had told her before, but he turned out to be a wonderful person, and she was so happy to get to know him.

Answer 9

id be pi ss ed off and be mad, really mad that it was a secret, no big deal, no need for secret but something mustve happened in past. ask and if she wont tell ask gran, aunt, grandad uncle etc. see what happened but id definiately wanna knw if it was me and much sooner...soo sad :( was his dad or mum different to yours? ikf so and teh step mum or dad dint treat em right then the poor child may have not fit in coz the step was bad and dint accept so was prob sent to grans or ssome1's place to grow up and go svchool :(

Answer 10

Be supportive. Your Mom probably feels sad and maybe ashamed. Depends on the situation. I gave up two children when I was younger. Just remember that every human being makes mistakes and she doesn't love you any less. How would you feel if you were the one telling your daughter about another sibling?