He's 45 years old and seems to know absolutely nothing about it. And I do mean NOTHING. I've tried to talk to him about this, but nothing's changed. His idea of sex is just to penetrate. Nothing comes before that. It's really causing problems in our sex life. I'm beginning to wonder what his issue is with this. How can a 45 year old not understand anything about foreplay? He never touches, kisses or use his tongue on me anywhere. I know he's seen porno movies before (he told me) so how can he not understand what foreplay is all about or why it's important to a woman? I'm truly at a loss...don't know what to do. I'm afraid if I keep bringing it up, he's going to take it personally. On top of all this, he has a problem with performance anxiety. (At least that's what I think it must be.) He has a hard time getting an erection, and a worse time trying to keep one. I'm starting to wonder if he's even attracted to me at all. He says he is, but, the evidence...?
2007-08-02 11:23:10 · 13 answers · asked by It's Ms. Fusion if you're Nasty! 7 in Health ➔ Men's Health
Karen: he's seen porn...has made no difference.
2007-08-02 11:32:13 · update #1
Gordon B.: you make some good points. But apologize to him for him making me feel unattractive or unwanted? Why should I do that? Is it my fault? I think he loves me but he is not attracted to me. I don't think I should have to apologize for that. He should just tell me the truth.
2007-08-02 12:39:22 · update #2
Gordon B.: also, this is not a newly developed problem. We've been seeing each other for over a year now and he's been like this since the very first time we slept together. I have never been "hypercritical" of him in any way. On the contrary, I'm afraid to say anything to him about this. His personality is such that if I do, I know he'll take it personally no matter how delicately the matter is approached.
2007-08-02 12:43:25 · update #3
...and yes, I have tried to talk to him.
2007-08-02 12:44:40 · update #4
Erectile dysfunction, performance anxiety, or other lack of ability to pleasure a woman almost ALWAYS has way more to do with a man's feelings about himself than his attraction to a woman. Men who are confident in their appearance, feelings and abilities can easily pleasure a woman, no matter what they are equipped with skill-wise or body-wise.
If 1) it's hard for him to get.... hard, 2) hard to stay hard, and 3) hard for him to do other normal and necessary things with you sexually... this goes beyond teaching and learning. There are likely some real physiological and/or psychological issues for him when it comes to sex. Sex therapy may help. That's what I would recommend.
2007-08-02 11:28:50 · answer #1 · answered by Buying is Voting 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Dear Friend,
Most men do not require foreplay to engage in sexual relations, most women do require foreplay to engage in sexual relations, and most men and women have problems communicating to each other concerning their needs sexually.
This is a relationship. The only person you can change is yourself. Every time you have sexual relations you enable your partner to forgo foreplay. You might ask yourself this: "How do I enable my partner to forgo foreplay?"
1) You do not exercise your right to talk about the issues without being hypercritical of your partner.
2) During the actual act you deny yourself the right to foreplay by not refusing sexual relations before undergoing foreplay.
Concerning the issue of Performance Anxiety: "If you continue to bludgeon your partner about the sexual issues in the relationship, rather than be physically and psychologically supportive and understanding to his past and present, then your partner will continue to have sexual issues".
Note: If you also invalidate his emotions for you, then you are only making your situation worse! (e.g. "I'm starting to wonder if he's even attracted to me at all. He says he is..." - There should have been no question in your mind that he loved you and you should promptly apologize for such behavior as it is not the ideal behavior for a relationship).
The 5 main points to a good relationship: "Open, Honest, Tender, Loving, and Caring".
Warm Regards,
G.F.B. Jr.
2007-08-02 19:00:28 · answer #2 · answered by Gordon B 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you told him what you like? I am sure he knows about foreplay, but for some strange reason isn't doing it. That is not good, maybe he needs to see a doctor if he has some issues with keeping it up etc. It's a pretty big deal and needs to be addressed for sure. He isn't paying attention to your needs and that will cause problems for sure. Hope it works out for you. I don't think it is you, or being attracted to you at all, I think it is him.
2007-08-02 18:31:28 · answer #3 · answered by zeekandthefam 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You must tell him what you like or love him to do on your lips, body, neck and etc. Tell him what you need him to do. There men out there need to be told as they would not know our rate of pleasure.
Alternatively, buy him some books on pleasure in sex, more on foreplay and women sensitive body parts. Make him read. Sometimes women need to initiate all this.
At the age of 40 and above, men could be very easily in favour withh sex or the other way. If his libido getting lower, you can help him find herbs or prescribe medication for him.
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2007-08-02 19:39:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is 45 mayb u should talk to him about taken some pills and teach him how to foreplay
2007-08-02 18:27:34 · answer #5 · answered by babydoll 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am 65 and can do it for hours or however long it takes. Talk to him.
2007-08-02 18:40:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
some men are just centered on getting their needs met, he could be one of them. he doesn't even know what his tongue is missing
2007-08-03 23:32:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe he has e.d. ,try giving him some foreplay of your own and let him know this is what you want done to you.
2007-08-02 18:39:31 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
show him the porno film that have forplay scene. and tell him " Let's do like they do "
2007-08-03 03:01:52 · answer #9 · answered by dani ng 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
simple tell him that unless this and that happen prior to the main event then the show is cancelled
2007-08-02 18:29:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋