Should I do anything? Wait? Press the issue with her?

Question

My ex-girlfriend got married 6 months ago. We were together for 3 years before this, and "taking time off" turned off to a breakup. It was never official, things just happened. Soon after we brokeup, she married an old friend of hers.

I am depressed, sick, I love her and miss her so much and would do anything for her, but this has made me sick. I wanted to get back with her, then I find out she got married.

Well, she is married for 6 months now, and has constantly called me. As of 2 weeks ago she called me and told me she was very confused still and not happy whatesoever in her marriage. that she loves me and misses me. She told me didnt know what to do. When I told her to divorce and marry me, she said she didnt know, she was making herself crazy, just too confused. I asked her not to contact me unless she was getting divorced as this was just making me feel worse.

Can I do anything else? Press the issue more?

Answer 1

Move ON... If you really meant anything to her, she wouldn't have gotten married so fast. She regrets her decision and you are an easy out. Find you someone else. You deserve better.

Answer 2

Well, you should NOT want to marry this woman! She doesn't even know what she wants, so she isn't sure she loves you, right? She has some growing up to do. My advice (sincerely), is that you should tell her you are going to move on. IF she ever gets a divorce, she should call you AFTER the divorce is final (not before, as you don't want to be the third party). Meantime, go out and date other women and try to get over this woman the best you can (don't talk to her or e-mail her or you won't be able to move on.)

Answer 3

You were right to ask her not to call you unless she was getting a divorce. I'm sure it is making you crazy, but it would be far worse on you talking to her all of the time.
She needs to decide if she wants to be married to him. Not if she should have picked you over him. She needs to decide if she wants to end the marriage because of you or because she doesn't love this man.
You shouldn't promise her you'll be waiting for her if they divorce. Maybe the 2 of you could start dating again if the ended, or maybe you will meet the girl of your dreams tonight at the grocery store and whatever she does in her life won't matter to you.
I'm sure the marriage was a rebound thing. But it could take years for her to finally to decide what to do. You need to move on with your life.

Answer 4

You did the right thing to tell her not to contact you. PERIOD. She is married now. You may not think this, but you are far better off without someone who treats her committed relationships like a disposable diaper. You have to really ask yourself this one question, "could I possibly be happy with someone who put you through all this misery, and is willing to do the same to another man who she just committed her life to?" When the tears dry from your eyes, you will be able to see clearly. Give yourself some time to do some soul searching.
Good luck. I hope you find a woman truly worthy of your love.

Answer 5

Baby, I wouldn't waste my time. It is apparent she isn't gonna leave her husband and she probably got married to make you jealous. I know you love her and I completely understand how hard it is to try to move on but that is what is gonna have to happen in order for you to live a happy life. She sounds manipulative and she doesn't care about you or her husband because she would have told you about her getting married and she wouldn't be calling you telling you she loves you when she is married. Let her go and let her look like the fool she is.

Answer 6

aww I am soo sorry. You sound like such a sweetheart. You did the right thing saying that you don't want her to call you unless she makes up her mind and decides that she wants a divorce. Her calling you is just making you feel worse and that is just not fair..... so if she tries to call you again you will have tell her once again and explain it to her. Tell her that this is not fair to you and it's certainly not fair to her current husband either. She needs to make up her mind and find out who she wants to be with....whether it is you, her current husband, or neither ASAP!!!!!! I hope everything works out for you. Just remember that everything happens for a reason and if it turns out that you don't get back together with her, it is because there is a special someone that is out there waiting to meet you. Good luck.

Answer 7

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Answer 8

I think you played it right, the best thing you can do is just cool your heels. If she is willing to get married to someone she knows she doesn't love it says a lot for her character. Maybe things worked out for the best who knows you could have been the other guy she feels she made the mistake with!

Answer 9

DON'T press the issue!!! Gosh, this is a tough question for me to answer, but I really think that, if I can think of how to explain it, it could be helpful...
See, May 20, 2006, my highschool sweetheart and I broke up. We'd been together for 3 1/2 years. We'd been through SO much together and were best friends, bf/gf, expected to get married, the whole nine yards. We'd named our kids even! But we changed, our lives changed, the direction we each wanted our lives to go changed, and we ended up deciding to at least take a break until we really knew. Within a couple of weeks, I saw that I loved him, but it wouldn't be fair to either of us for us to get married. One of us would have to give up our dreams...they couldn't possibly coordinate.
A year and one month later I got married. Throughout the time that I dated my now-husband, I kept in touch with my ex. We'd call occasionally, message on Facebook, things like that. My now-husband knew we still talked, but knew it wasn't any threat to him. Then after awhile my ex quit talking to me. Finally I messaged him and asked what was up. He basically said he felt the way you feel...that was quite a moment for me. I knew I didn't want to be with my ex, but he was very special to me for SO long, and I still want him to be so happy! And come to find, I was still hurting him! I didn't doubt my marriage, but I felt bad for my ex. We had to agree to stop talking because (1) I was hurting him, and he needed some distance in order to let his feelings cool off, and (2) His feelings meant enough to me that, though it wasn't a threat to my marriage, it was a threat to my emotional commitment to my now-husband. Even pity can cause a woman to think and feel things she'll regret. If my ex had really pushed, he could have become a big problem between my husband and I, not because I would ever leave my husband, but because my pity and guilt would become an issue!
You love your ex...do what is best for her. It may take you some time for those feelings to cool a bit, and for all the wounds to heal, but don't become a threat to her marriage. If the marriage doesn't last, you DON'T want it to be because of you. If you were the cause, and then later you two ended up together, you would soon wonder if someone else could come between you two. If she divorces her husband, you do NOT want it to be because of you. If she is unhappy, she can figure out a solution on her own. But trust me - it needs to be on her own.

(If it makes any difference, my husband and I are 100% happily married, and talking about babies; my ex is now a part of a "up and coming" band. If we had stayed together, neither of those incredible things could have happened).

Good luck!

Answer 10

the best thing you can do is if you do talk to her again, let her know she needs to get some mental help to figure out what she wants, and once she is right in the head and divorced if that is the route she chooses to go, to call you.

One thing you need to keep in mind, it could just be commitment that she has a problem with - and marrying you is just going to be jumping fromthe frying pan into the fire - and both of you will be miserable.