How would you have raised your child differently if you could do it all over again?

Question

I gave my son too much power. The way I was raised, mom and dad made all the decisions. I am an only child. I was not prepared for real life. I was so sheltered that when I finally had the chance to think for myself, I went wild!

I didn't want my son to be like me so I let him make too many decisions... like what to wear, where he wanted to go, etc. He was my best friend and I was his. Then he joined the navy and grew up while I wasn't around.

He is very independent, intolerate, impatient, and a tab inconsiderate of other people because I raised him to put himself first. He grew up to be a chemistry teacher, with a beautiful wife and two precious kids.

When I divorced his father, I didn't want to fight, so I left him everything including my son.

If I had it to do all over again I would have kicked out his father and kept the house and him.

Answer 1

I would have: (1) sent him to a Christian school, (2) hired a private tutor for help with his weak subjects, (3) made him practice harder on the flute, and (4) put my foot down when he decided to go "Gothic" (tattoos/piercing also). I dislike the color black immensely because of that period.

Thank God, he turned out to be a really neat and responsible person who can support himself.

Answer 2

I have been taught that if you look back into your past with regrets, it will continue to haunt you for the rest of your life.

Stop it. Free yourself of this pressure and burden and yoke that satan is trying to suppress you with. God's love is enough. You did what you thought was best at the time. We embrace our children with little pieces of who we are and who we wanted to be. Sometimes the plan does not go the way we want - and we may create little monsters - but you still must realize that once a child becomes a man - he has to put away childish things and learn on his own. Your son may have contributed to his own idiocyncracies - and he had opportunities to change if it was affecting his life in a negative manner. As his mother - you did your best.

From what you have shared, it seems he turned out pretty good.

Thank God for the fact that he is alive - he has a lovely family, he's your friend and son and you have an essential place in his heart and in his life.

Don't look back. Look to the present and then put your hands to the plow and more forward.

I have no regrets about how I reared my only daughter. I had God's help the whole way. His plan for her life was shown to us and by faith, we just worked and walked it out. He was the guiding force in the decisions I made - I have no reason to look back only to say - God is good all the time.

Just remember that you are loved and worthy of all grace and mercy. God said it. Jesus proved it.

Answer 3

Well my son is young and all of the mistakes my parents made with me I am trying not to make with him. I was the first one and my parents where so hard on me so once I got a taste of freedom and I became 18 I went buck wild, my little sister who is 5 years younger than me didn't have to go through half of the sh*t I went through!

So even though my son is still a toddler I am trying my best not to make the mistakes my parents made.

Answer 4

This sounds way too familiar. I thought it was best that my ex have custody of my son because we had 3 daughters and if I had taken custody, my son, who was the youngest, would have been raised by a bunch of females. As it turned out, my ex started to beat our son and I ended up with him after a few years. I felt so guilty I overcompensated by giving my son everything he wanted. I didnt stand up for myself in the divorce and the children saw that as weakness, which it was.
I would have let them know that I'm not weak and I'm not dumb. I was stupid to beleive that their father would want to see me taken care of financially because I still was raising our children. Wrong. I tried to play the goody goody female and it was the biggest mistake of my life. The children are now grown and it seems they tolerate me. I would like that to be respect.

Answer 5

I suspect, that no matter what you had done, little would be different...kids tend to become whatever they are going to be. If you raise them to be selfish, life beats the hell out of them and they learn to ease off. If you raise them to be giving, they get taken... Ya do the best ya can, the rest is up to them. Stop being so hard on yourself... His life is not your fault. He is the one who will pay for his actions, and if his lessons are not learned, it was how it was meant to be. I do have one small suggestion...STOP feeling guilty about something you cannot change one iota...it is a waste of energy and time. None of us have it to do over again, and if we did, we probably would do the same things, given the knowledge we had when we did them.

Answer 6

I had relatively the same life and I would have focused more on my kids rather than drugs and alcohol. But, I sure am a good grandmother and I try to make up for what I did by being a big part of my grandkids lives.

Answer 7

One daughter followed Me into medicine, she's a Er certified nurse and, a heart team instrument specialist and, an operating room specialist.
One daughter owns a large beef farm and has two children.
One daughter owns and raises Arab horses.

One daughter has a large beef farm, another daughter.

My son is privately wealthy and has retired at 45, started his own business and again, is wealthy the second time around.

I think we did well.

Answer 8

You need to forget about what happened years ago, and let your son get on with the business of making his own life. He will anyway no matter what you do about it.

His choices are his, yours are yours. None of them can be done over.

Answer 9

I would have spent more time with him by not working until he started school. At that time, my career was more important and he paid the price.

Answer 10

I would have divorced their father earlier. Perhaps if he was only allowed to have them 50% of the time he would have appreciated them more. I also would have made church a priority.