ok- here is my situation..i am dating a married man who has been "seperated" from his wife for almost 2 years now. him and his "wife" have both moved on and are dating other people and BOTH are fully aware of the others b/f or g/f. he has bought his own house and moved out. i now live with him and his children. he keeps saying he is going to file for divorce, but i haven't seen any papers yet or anything. i have fallen in love with him and his kids and we are totally happy (except for the divorce papers) also, there is a lot of money and family business's involved in his marraige, so i can see where he is coming from on that. but is it that hard to file and start the process already? i don't know much about divorce, b/c i have never had to do it before...any advice is welcome...thank you
2007-08-02 07:26:16 · 18 answers · asked by jazzygrl3 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you had a cow and could milk it for nothing why would you want to bother buying a cow? They are expensive to feed and care for and so on; better to just get the free milk and blow in its ear and tell it what a nice cow it is.
2007-08-02 07:40:11 · answer #1 · answered by acmeraven 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Once you have been through marraige and seperation, you become a little gun shy to go through it again. There are many reasons why he may not want to finalize things with the papers! Have you asked him? When you sign those papers, for me it was 2 things! Number 1, it was a giant burden finally lifted off my shoulders. Number 2, it was like that part of my life was over, and even though it was really really bad, it was still hard to say good bye to the past! You have to really evaluate your relationship with him. Are you just the caretaker of the kids and house? Are you a convieniance? Or do you feel you get from him as much as he gets from you in the relationship. I am sure it is difficult to actually start divorce proceedings. It's getting ready to kiss that life goodbye. Financial reasons are a biggie too! Maybe he is afraid he might loose even more than he already has! Maybe he is afraid he will have to start all over again. In many ways, I think he probably loves you, is waiting until he has thought about eveything first before he acts and he will eventually take care of business. But even when and if the divorce gets finalized, he still may not be ready to jump right back in and get married to you right away! I would have a heart to heart chat with him, some night without the kids there and tell him how you feel and ask him about his plans for the divorce! MAKE SURE that this is a friendly conversation, that you dont turn it into anything ugly, that you dont put on presure and you LISTEN while he talks and dont interupt. Many men (and women) have a hard time sharing these deep seeded thoughts to begin with especially if they are constantly interupted or they fear it may cause an argument or stress! Because he has children with her, there will undoubtedly ALWAYS be some kind of involvement with her on some level. This is another thing to consider when thinking about marrying him. For some people, it isnt an issue and they can deal with it! Deal with the child support issues, deal with their interaction with eachother because of the kids and many more things to think about.
2007-08-02 07:38:43 · answer #2 · answered by tpettee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure his wife has moved on, and how much contact do they maintain. If he is involved with a family business no doubt his wife is involved also so they would be keeping in touch. If so maybe neither of them are interested in being divorced. Whatever it is I doubt he will get divorced in the near future. If you put pressure on him he is going to resent you. So you are in a very difficult position of living with him "happily" with an uncertain future, or trying to pry him lose from his wife and then being blamed for any troubles which may develop.
2007-08-02 07:40:39 · answer #3 · answered by K K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I advise that next time you start a relationship make sure that the person is single. Even though he was seperated, he is still married and wouldn't it be so much easier if he wasn't married? Now you will have to wait until he decides to file, ehich he may not because it is a lot harder to do and a longer process when you have property and business involved.
2007-08-02 07:38:14 · answer #4 · answered by frawlicious 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, Divorce cost money....and until he is ready to get married again, he probably will not file for divorce. I have 2 good friends that got married about 8 years ago....then about 4 years ago they separated......finally this year they filed for divorce because they have both moved on and started families of their own. So my advice to you is.....unless you are in a hurry to marry him, dont worry about it....He lives with you right? You wake up next to him right? So what are you worrying about?
2007-08-02 07:31:26 · answer #5 · answered by girl909e 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He isn't going to ever get a divorce if there is a family business to divide. Was the business in his wife's family? If so, he is the one putting the brakes on getting a divorce. And you know what? Even if he gets a divorce and marries you, you know that he is a cheater and will have a girlfriend while he's married to you, too. This is a very bad disutation when you have involved his kids.
2007-08-02 07:30:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Well, you can't force this issue on him nor can you speed it up... Divorces are hard missy, whether or not they are dating other people is not the issue. They have kids together, history together. You should not have gotten involved until it was done and over. Quite frankly they may not file for a very long time - it hurts like hell !!!
2007-08-02 07:30:46 · answer #7 · answered by Centered 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can hang in there as long as you want to , but most married men end up going back to their wives , So you can hang in there but have you ever heard of the old saying it's cheaper to keep her which means why would her divorce his wife knowing that she is going to take half of his belongings.
But maybe he will divorce her , i mean thats how my aunt got her husband when she was 18 and they are still together today.
2007-08-02 07:57:07 · answer #8 · answered by Miss L 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you want to take your relationship further and that means that he needs to get a divorce. If he can't let go of this relationships, then it's time to move on. If sounds as though it's just a financial issue or maybe just a question of procastinating but it's time to make it final or you need to move out of the house. YOu shouldn't have to wait in limbo.
2007-08-02 15:05:09 · answer #9 · answered by abrennan01 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u need 2 leave him and tell him to call u once he then filed 4 divorce and signed the papers. and if he really love u he'll do it.
2007-08-02 07:38:27 · answer #10 · answered by Danielle Y 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋